Welcome to Balls and Walnuts, Elissa and Stan!

Tonight, my friends Stan and Elissa called. I had tried to reach them earlier this week, and was alarmed to discover that their cell numbers, home number, and email addies were all defunct. I googled Elissa and found her at work (hey Elissa, WTF are they doing sticking you at the bottom of the page?), sent emails and left messages, and had begun to despair of ever finding them again.

Yes, yes, I could simply write to Elissa at her work, but you know me. Overdramatic to the hilt.

So to welcome them to Balls and Walnuts, I’d like to point them to a few posts I think they’ll enjoy.

First off, they’re cat people, so they might enjoy the heart-to-heart I had with Mist soon after we adopted her.  And then there was the time Faithful and Emerald decided to decorate our bathroom. And guys, if you’re feeling lazy, you can at least check out Spidercat.

Stan may or may not appreciate my Thirteen Memories from Sophomore Year. That’s when I met Stan. And, no, I didn’t work in that story about the fire alarm and a certain Asian dormie clothed only in her loosely bound bathrobe, who, I am given to understand, showed signs of extreme chilliness that evening. I didn’t see it. I have only Stan’s word that it was memorable indeed.

While we’re on the Thirteens, Stan and Elissa have a healthy interest in sex, so I’m sure they’ll appreciate this post — featuring, among many other delightful things, How To Masturbate Your Pussy To Orgasm. (Cat relevance!)

Oh, and Elissa? I’ve been working out lately. Here’s my ass. (Sorry, Stan, just had to flirt with your wife.)

You guys haven’t seen Jake in a couple years, so this photo should bring you up to date.

Stan, to make up for that picture of my ass, I give you this and this.

Hopefully, my friends won’t be too shy. (That means: LEAVE A COMMENT, DAMN IT!) But in any case, would any of you like to suggest one or two favorites of your own?

D.

You, too, can be an art critic

Art Crit is an interesting concept blog:

Art Crit was created as a forum for artists to share their work and get some feedback on it from other artists as well as the casual passerby. Most artists have spent considerable time gazing, interpreting, being with art and have a lot of valuable feedback to give one another. Thus, their thoughts are welcome and appreciated. There is also a great value in the thoughts of those who haven’t inhabited the typical constructs of artists, perhaps these folks can think outside the box and share their ideas. In any event, everyone is encouraged to participate at Art Crit. Let us know your reaction to a given piece, what comes to mind, there’s no right way to share your thoughts.

My friend Kenney Mencher has posted a painting to Art Crit and he wants feedback. Go, look, comment. And while you’re at it, check out some of Art Crit’s other posts, too.

Here’s something else: Kenney has a VERY different take on blogging.

D.

The Starr Tukhas Challenge!

If you want to see Kris

look like this

then you need to enter Dean Cochrane’s Nearly Naked Challenge. All it takes is some of your cold, hard cash, people, and Kris will strut her bikini-clad stuff!

(Kris, how much extra for the purple dye job?)

D.

PS: Blogflux Pinger won’t ping for me anymore! I think it has something to do with my sexual content. Anyone know another pinging service I can use — one that is, perhaps, less discriminating?

Morning pimpage

Last night, I read Dean Cochrane’s The Weaveling, which he wrote for PBW’s eBook challenge. The story begins in the familiar territory of rural horror but soon breaks fresh ground. The ending is far from predictable.

While I’m on the subject of eBooks, I keep meaning to read Tamara Siler Jones’s Fire, a Lars Hargrove mystery. But I haven’t read it yet. (Bad fanboy. Bad, bad fanboy.)

You can find the full list of PBW’s eBook challenge entries here. There’s enough free online fiction there to keep you busy for a long, long time.

What about my Thursday Thirteen? I had thought to write one entitled Thirteen Sex Tapes I REALLY Don’t Want to See, but after Britney Spears + Kevin Federline, where else do I go? Paris Hilton, I suppose, but I’ve already beaten that particular dog.

I have the most recent issue of Cosmo, but that would have been a rush job.

So . . . if I do a Thirteen, it will be a good deal later in the day, and will probably be something uninspired, like Thirteen Things I Would Like To Do With Rachael Ray In The Kitchen.

Wait. That has potential.

Stay tuned.

D.