Thirteen of my favorite potions

The conversation, as best I can recall, went like this:

Walnut: Remember, it’s Thursday.

Me: Indeed. It generally follows Wednesday.

Walnut: I mean, you agreed to write the Thursday Thirteen.

Me (scribbling on parchment) — 13.

Walnut: You’ll have to do better than that.

Me: Thirteen . . . thirteen what? Thirteen numbers, perhaps? I could do that.

Walnut: Look, if you won’t act in good faith, I’m not going to talk to Mrs. Snape for you, and I am not going to help you with Michelle Duggar tomorrow. Do — oh, I don’t know. Do thirteen happy memories.

Me (arctic stare).

Walnut: Okay, don’t do thirteen happy memories. You know what they say — write what you know.

And that, my dear muggles, explains the subject matter of our Thursday Thirteen: my favorite potions.

1. Draught of Living Death. A most potent soporific, blended of the freshest asphodel and the most pungent infusion of wormwood. Mrs. Snape slipped it into my champagne on our wedding night.

Why then is it one of my favorites? It makes visits from Mrs. Snape’s mother marginally tolerable.

2. Veritaserum. The standard truthtelling potion. Your Colonial Government could do with a few million gallons of the stuff.

3. Wolfsbane potion. It is indeed true that I am the only wizard skilled enough to prepare this potion. Don’t even consider doing it yourself, or that facial hair problem might not be limited to the full moon.

4. Felix Felicis. Your basic good luck charm, except that it works far better than any rabbit’s foot. Often used by senior Hogwarts boys before visiting Liverpudlian singles’ bars.

5. Mandrake restorative draught. Often used by senior Hogwarts boys the day after they have visited Liverpudlian singles’ bars. Does not obviate the need for penicillin.

6. Babbling beverage. As the name suggests, this draught gives its unfortunate recipient a vicious case of nonsensical logorrhea. Well known victims include James Dobson, Bill O’Reilly, and Tom Cruise.

7. Swelling solution. Causes temporary enlargement of recipient body parts. Also known as Wizard’s Viagra.

8. Skele-gro. Induces the regrowth of bones, and has a similar firming effect on other soft tissues. See swelling solution.

9. Deflating draught. Antidote to swelling solution. This is the only potion capable of curbing Lucius Malfoy’s ego.

10. Forgetfulness potion. What did you just say?

Oh, my! I do amuse myself sometimes.

11. Age potion. Induces the outward signs of aging in its user. Accounts for Lucius Malfoy’s atrocious hairstyle.

12. Polyjuice potion. Aside from enabling mischief amongst the students of Hogwarts, polyjuice potion facilitates certain encounters between individuals who might not otherwise associate with one another. Why can’t Mrs. Snape understand this? It wasn’t my fault!

13. Polyamory potion. A most wicked draught, polyamory potion induces in its user a lust for the first person he or she sees. With proper planning, and with access to a squadron of college cheerleaders, one milliliter of polyamory potion could give a wizard a night of unsurpassed bliss. Desite Walnut’s blusterings, polyamory potion is the reason I know he will help me in my designs on that Font of Fecundity, Michelle Duggar.

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

You know what to do. Do it.

S.