Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Monthly Archives: August 2006
We don’t look a day over 9000
Blue Gal and I passed a milestone this month: we each received over 10,000 hits. Yay, BG! Go, me!
As much as I appreciate all my readers, my regulars have a special place in my heart. THANK YOU. I shall make my thank you more concrete in a moment, but for now, thanks to all the li’l people who came here looking for this
or this
or this
Yes, Balls and Walnuts sails past the 10K mark on the strength of our uncredited use of stolen images. Teh Intranets are kewl.
Back to my regulars, the ones I lurve, the ones I bloody well write this blog for day after day cuz I know you’re out there reading me because you like me, you really like me. Sure, some folks blog to vent, some to change the world, some to network, some to practice their exhibitionistic skills. I’m partial to all those motivations (and, give me a sec, but I’m about to indulge one of them big time), but the real reason I do this is because you fill me. You make me complete. I know I shouldn’t look outside myself for that, but I am what I am. I need an audience.
Blue Gal gave her readers a You Tube music video; but what could I give you?
Me.
All of me.
Below the cut.
Lusty? Me?
Lillian Lust, AKA Raquel Welch, from Bedazzled
Gluttony I can understand. Low wrath? A methodological flaw in the survey. But high lust? Who’d a thunk.
| Greed: | Medium | |
| Gluttony: | High | |
| Wrath: | Low | |
| Sloth: | Medium | |
| Envy: | Very Low | |
| Lust: | Very High | |
| Pride: | Low |
The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com
Hat tip to Kris.
D.
Best foot forward, and all that
In the hopes of turning a few of those Crooks and Liars visitors into regular readers, I’m going to re-post one of my old favorites: The Sociobiology of Boobage.
In 1983, Vincent Sarich taught a course at Berkeley called “The Evolution of Human Behavior.” He let us know on the first day that the class was experimental. He had some rough ideas about course content — some things he wanted to talk about, a handful of concepts he wanted to share.
Sounded like good clean fun, and we really did have a blast, too. Professor Sarich (that grizzly teddy bear on the left) was good to his word. He talked, we listened — and argued with him, of course.
For a final exam, he asked us to write three short essays on topics of our own choosing. They had to be somewhat relevant to the course, but beyond that, we were on our own. My three topics:
Genius, a maladaptive trait
Why are hiccups contagious?
The Road Warrior: a sociobiologic perspective
I got an A+.
Funny thing, though. I’ve only retained two things from that class. One is a concept: the Tragedy of the Commons (see the Wikipedia article here, or the original article here), which suggests that folks will always choose their own self interest over the common good, even to their ultimate detriment. If you’re curious about this, I recommend you start with the Wiki article, since it is shorter than the original article and has considerably more perspective.
The other thing I learned in Professor Sarich’s class is why men love cleavage. “I want to talk about breasts today,” he said, except that with his slight speech impediment it came out “breashts.” “Why are they so appealing?”
The traditional sociobiological interpretation is that large breasts are desirable because they translate to well fed babies. Sociobiology was big back then. Still is, for all I know. In case you’re unfamiliar with it, here’s the basic idea. Our behavior is ruled by our genes, and in particular, our genes’ desire to pass on more of themselves to the next generation. “But,” you argue, “genes are not sentient.” Pshaw! Genes don’t have to be sentient to find ways of furthering their own interests.
Back to boobs. Professor Sarich contended that the sociobiologists were wrong. Men don’t love breasts because they want well fed babies. Men crave hooters because of a cross-wiring problem. You see, men get boobs confused with butts:
Recalling that the missionary position is, anthropologically speaking, rare (and dreadfully European), this is the view most men have during sex. Butt cheeks. According to Prof. Sarich, guys crave cleavage because it reminds us of butt cheeks in general, sex in particular. When a woman shows us her décolletage, she’s giving us an invitation to the dance.
Theories like this are only useful if they can shed light on other inexplicable phenomena. For me, Sarich’s idea worked because it explained why, when I was a kid, this old cover for Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach
always gave me wood.
It’s gotta be true.
D.
Duggar Mania: we have a winner *and announcement*
He’s brilliant. Many women want to be carnal with him. And I quote: Stephen, I love you and want to have your babies. No small wonder he found inspiration in the Duggar family poster.
Stephen wins
A box of condoms and a bottle of sex lube
or
A $25 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble
and
this BEAUTIFUL photoshopped poster
featuring his winning entry:
Congratulations!
As for me, I’m feeling thoroughly sapped of creativity this evening. Sorry, but it happens sometimes.
As for the announcement:
Miss Snark is having another Crap-o-meter fest: Query + first page. Details here.
I think I’ll do one for my NiP.
And another announcement:
My piece on Anna Pou, MD made it to Mike’s Blog Roundup, woo-hoo! I’m already sucking up my fifteen minutes of fame.
D.
SBD: Dangerous Ideas
Americans like to fight over dangerous ideas. Evolution, there’s a good one. God help us if we could have gotten here without God, you know? Democracy is another dangerous idea. See: Lamont vs. Lieberman and all the fear-fallout that occurred when the people’s candidate won the primary.
But this isn’t about politics. This is about another set of dangerous ideas, ideas that go largely unchallenged by the fundamentalists, that permeate our supermarkets, our libraries, our bookstores. Ideas that threaten the family, people!
I’m talking about that most insidious of genres, ROMANCE.
Taking one for the team
This is the funniest political protest song I’ve heard in the last godawful six years. Big tip of my hat to Blue Gal. I also understand from Blue Gal’s post today that tomorrow is Blog Katrina Day. Hope I can think of something worthwhile to say.
***
Meanwhile, back at Chez Walnut, I made some o’ this today:
CRÈME SAINT-HONORÉ OR CRÈME CHIBOUST
Crème Saint-Honoré is a crème pâtissière lightened with stiffly beaten egg whites or whipped cream. A.k.a. Chiboust cream — crème Chiboust — this mixture can be flavoured with vanilla, chocolate, praline, liqueur, grated orange zest etc.
It’s pretty effing amazing how much of this stuff you end up with if you start with five measly eggs. Five eggs . . . that’s like a two-person omelet, for the love of everything unhealthy. I’m going to use it to make a trifle, along with some pound cake, raspberries, and fruit preserves. Nonalcoholic trifle so the boy will eat it, too.
I also made some yummy chopped chicken liver. Although I mentioned this aaaages ago, I never gave a proper recipe. Anyone interested?
***
Decent writing weekend, by the way — about 7000 words thus far. I’d like to get one last 1000-word scene written, but I’m getting a bit pooped.
I’m at 80K words on this NiP and I suspect I need another 10 or 15K words to wrap things up nicely. A little long for a first novel, but I should be able to edit out some of the drier medical passages.
Still not happy with titles. I like Sloppy Firsts, but that’s been done. Technical Virgins hasn’t been nabbed yet for fiction, as best I can tell, but it doesn’t have the same sense of fun as Sloppy Firsts. And it’s important to convey the fun.
Off to check mail . . .
D.
Duggar Mania
Contest! Enter now, win condoms and sex lube!
In case you missed Kate’s link the other day:
Those of you not familiar with the Duggar Phenomenon, AKA Mass Production Wombology, AKA the “Full Quiver” movement, may want to start here and then follow the links.
I thought long and hard about a better caption. Truthfully, “Vagina, It’s not a clown car” sets the bar very high (image pinched from Watertiger, the Dependable Renegade). “Free Jinger” came to mind, but that’s kind of an in-joke among us Duggarphiles. “She Who Must Conceive” — well, that only applies to Michelle and neglects all those Duggarlets.
Then I thought, hey, why should I do all the work? It’s been a looong time since we’ve had a contest, right?
So here’s the deal. Offer me an alternative caption. If it makes me laugh, I’ll put your name into a drawing. Winner gets a package of condoms and a bottle of Astroglide, woo-hoo! Or a $25 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble, your choice.
I’ll close the contest and announce a winner on Tuesday. Have fun!
D.
PS: I count only 14 kids, but she’s had 16. Time to update that photo.
Guest blog-o-rama
I’m all set to guest blog for Kris Starr tomorrow, and I think everything is fixed and ready to go. It should publish at midnight tonight. My time? Kris’s time? Who knows!
It’ll be ready for you by morning. I guarantee you will either (A) clamor to have me as your guest blogger in the future, or (B) delete me from your blogrolls and deny any knowledge of me to your friends and family. One or the other. As for Kris, when she sees what I’ve written about her I suspect she’ll be so angry she’ll fly out here to make all my fantasies come true.
Um, you’ll see.
I’ll be live blogging this evening. If all goes well and if I can motivate my son to get dinner in the reasonably near future, I’ll go live at 7 PM PST. Hopefully, some of you East Coasters will still be up. And Gabriele, I know you’re still up at whatever it is in Germany (2 AM?) Maybe you too, Darla. We’ll see if you have something zusagen.
See ya soon!
D.
Edited to add: Jake wants to go out for dinner at 6, so we’ll get going a leeetle bit after 7, I think.