Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Humor
Anne Bancroft
She died on this day in 2005. Beautiful . . .
. . . and funny. This is brilliant:
and equally brilliant (with Lee J. Cobb playing a terrific straight man to Anne’s monologue):
Enjoy.
D.
Hillary’s Sunset Boulevard
If you’re not familiar with the ending of Sunset Boulevard, you might want to check this YouTube video first.
From the incredibly talented Lisa Nova, Hillary’s Sunset Boulevard.
Let’s say it all together . . .
Bwahahaahaaahaaa!
D.
My picks for Obama’s VP.
Not an hour goes by without someone posting a veep diary at Daily Kos.
So I decided to do one of my own . . .
D.
He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear.
Michelle Duggar is pregnant with number 18, which means it’s time for me to unleash more Duggary goodness. If you read that article, you’ll note that Michelle decided to break the news to her kids on the Today Show.
Guess she could have been more tactless. Guess she could have announced on Maury Povich.
Media junkies. Since the Duggars wanna be the rock stars of extreme fecundity, I thought I would give them a few glamour poses . . . a chance, perhaps, to catch Hollywood’s eye.
See you below the cut.
Nothing on Flickr . . .
So let’s see what’s on The Smoking Gun.
Hey! He stole my name!
It’s fun to speculate on their crimes. The dude above shoplifted some elevator shoes. These gals got caught fighting over meth lab equipment. This woman assaulted her hair dresser. And our front-pager stole my breath. (Sorry, sorry. Eeew . . . cheese.)
Hat tip to La Fark.
D.
If you blew off Steak and BJ day, don’t fret
You can still make it up to your disappointed man.
He waited all year for this day, and what did you do? Fixed him vegie burgers and gave him a kiss on the cheek good night. Maybe you didn’t understand his crestfallen expression; maybe you didn’t realize he had abstained from caffeine and alcohol and had been eating nothing but pineapple for the last three days. Maybe you didn’t notice the two inch-and-a-half-thick rib eye steaks he’d left in the fridge along with the note, TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!!!!! And maybe you thought it was an accident that someone had changed your homepage to this one — on Firefox, Netscape, and Internet Explorer.
You don’t even use Internet Explorer.
So, now that you see the error of your ways, you want to do something to put your relationship back on track, and you don’t think you can afford to wait until any of those other holidays. What will you do?
Simply tell him, yes, you knew all about March 14, but you figured he would much rather celebrate April 14.
2008 Guide to Hiring Men
Three woots to MissLaura at DailyKos for shouting out I Heart Chaos’s reprint of the 1943 Guide to Hiring Women, which includes, among other gems,
2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3. General experience indicates that “husky†girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
Read all eleven recommendations over at I Heart Chaos. Anyway, this got me thinking: surely women aren’t the only humans with special needs in the workplace. Perhaps the HR Department needs guidance in hiring men, too.
It comes with a soundtrack, too
Yes, Balls and Walnuts is excellent. Thank you, Blue Gal! I’d send it right back at ya, but that’s not how the rules work.
The rule is to pass it along to ten (only ten?) other excellent bloggers, and I’ve tried to choose those who have not been chosen already.
Some folks who have made me laugh recently:
sxKitten (okay, okay, so I’m a sucker for lolcats)
The Smart Bitches (not that they need an award, but they are funny as hell)
and
Cintra (I ruv oo 2)
I know many of you won’t meme along with me, but if you’re in a love-sharing mood, go for it.
D.
The Idiot’s Guide to Getting Girls, Chapter Four
Who wanted Karen to get in on the act? Well, here you go. YouTube effed up our first take, so I had to go shopping and Karen had to drink some Kahlua and then we were ready for Take 2. We hope you like it. Once again, the video feed gagged midway through (at about 2:00). Bear with it — by 2:30, the feed kicks in again.
At the moment, we’re watching the returns from South Carolina’s primary, but I should be ready for live blogging by 7 PM PST. Hopefully. Tonight, I’m making a pork marsala. Almost bought some veal, but veal is baby cow! And I’m having trouble with beef lately, anyway.
For vlog newcomers: here’s Chapter 1, here’s Chapter 2, and here’s Chapter 3.
See ya at the live blog.
D.