Balls and Walnuts
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Pimpage: Summer Devon
Bam has an interview with Summer Devon, a really GOOD one, too. If you leave a comment, you have a chance to win Summer’s Taming Him AND an Amazon gift certificate.
You heard it here first. Um, maybe.
D.
A Prayer of Understanding
Live-blogging last night, I realized I had never posted one of my favorite stories, one which I got published in 2005: “Saul the Deserted,” originally titled “A Prayer of Understanding.”
Yeah, both titles suck. I suck at titles. Titles are Teh Suckitude.
But it’s a good story, IMHO, not at all like the others I’ve posted. You’ll find it at the bottom of my “Pages” list, or you can click here.
We’ll use the comment thread for the story, or feel free to shoot the shit. I’m going back to my romance — which, by the way, still needs a title. Last time I checked Amazon, Technical Virgins and Sloppy Firsts have both been taken. That about exhausts my titular creativity.
D.
A bloody long question meme . . .
Most recently from O’Brien’s place.
Were you named after anyone? Undoubtedly some guy who died in WWII. I’ll try to get the details from my dad.
When was the last time you cried? Last night, watching V for Vendetta. Chokes me up every time. If you haven’t seen it yet, please rent it; and if you think it romanticizes terrorism, you are missing the point.
Friday Flickr Babes: HORNY
I don’t know how Dean finds his Flickr Babes. I really don’t. But he has impeccable taste.
Me? I just searched for “horny.”
Horny Toad, originally uploaded by JimmyJames1982.
That might not be appealing to you, but to us folks who love us some reptiles, the horned toad is creme de la creme. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen them lap up ants, or shoot blood out of their eyes.
But you wanted a horny babe.
Thirteen questions
This time around, you’ll have to do some work: answer at least one of the following questions in the comments, and you’ll get your linky lurve, you linky lurvehound you.
Extra-special lurve for answers which creatively interpret the question(s).
Darla: ask and ye shall receive . . .
1. What was the last item you shoplifted? A Brach’s caramel at Safeway market. I was four or five, and the caramels were out there for the taking. O Safeway, thou evil temptress!
2. The last time you faked an orgasm, why did you do it? Pity. All-nighters sound like fun until the “rug burn” kicks in. (Kidding, kidding!)
3. What’s the kinkiest thing you ever did in bed? The sex itself wasn’t all that kinky. Having the dog watch (and whine) — that was kinky.
4. Why did you stop beating your wife (husband, significant other)? She didn’t seem to be enjoying herself as much as I’d hoped.
5. What do you regret more than anything else? Playing it safe.
6. If you were sixteen again and knew then what you know now, what would you do first? Write myself a note: Invest in Apple, Genentech, Dell . . .
7. What do you despise the most about your husband (wife, significant other)? She complains constantly, whines about everything, never picks up after herself, and pesters me constantly for sex.
Oh, wait! That’s me!
8. If you could force me to write about one thing, what would it be? Internship. One of these days, I’ll manage to do my Internship Thirteen.
9. What lie have you told in order to get sex? My head will explode if I don’t get off.
10. What lie have you told in order to avoid sex? N/A
11. Which deadly sin do you commit daily? LUST. And maybe gluttony.
12. What is your idea of heaven? Food and sex, presented to me with such creativity and flair that neither ever become boring.
13. What would it take to get you in bed? If you’re my frau? An invitation. I’m easy.
You know what to do!
Hmm. Maybe I should join in on Renee’s book meme
May interviews Stephanie V. Kelsey, editor-in-chief of Mojocastle Press
If you want to know who wrote this first line:
Lady Rowenna gasped in horror at the sight of Lord Raoul’s majestic purple-helmeted warrior of love.
. . . you’ll have to read Darla’s Thirteen.
I think Shaina wants us to know she’s innocent 🙂
protected static: are picky eaters universal?
thorne: if it’s Tuesday, this must be tarot
Kate’s thirteen sexy women. No fair picking next door neighbors & teachers, folks who can’t be google-imaged!
D.
Dream home
We’re getting closer and closer to completing starting two major bits of unfinished home remodeling business: the floors and the kitchen countertops. The wife and I kind of like this vinyl Konecto stuff, but there’s a problem. Supposedly, it’s easy as pie to install, so of course everyone seems to think I can install it.
Um. Right.
Whenever we futz with our house, I remember a For Sale By Owner home I viewed in San Antonio way back in ’97. What a place. I bet it’s still on the market.
Proof
A lot of you have heard me say that I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body, and apparently this is true, given this list of the 100 Hottest Women chosen by gay/bi women over at AfterEllen.com.
Let’s face it: Maxim doesn’t cater to lesbians. In fact, you could say it flies in the face of all that we hold dear, especially when it declares Lindsay Lohan the hottest of them all, as it did when it published The Maxim Hot 100 List last month. So we asked you, our readers, to create your own list of hotties, and you came out in droves to nominate the women you think deserve to be on the AfterEllen.com Hot 100 List. Thousands of votes later, we have the results.
How is our list different from Maxim‘s? Eight of the top 10 women on our list aren’t mentioned anywhere on the Maxim list (Angelina Jolie and Lena Headey are the exceptions), and only four of the women who made Maxim‘s top 10 (Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Lindsay Lohan) appear somewhere on the AfterEllen.com list.
Clearly, what straight men and lesbians find sexy in a woman is a little bit different.
Cap’n Dyke will be delighted to see that Angelina Jolie made #2. Me, I’m tickled by everyone I see here, but in the top 10: Angelina, Salma, and Natalie, YUM. But why the lack of ethnic balance? I’d love to compare Maxim’s list with AfterEllen’s list on ethnic balance, relative blondeness, and relative boobage, but I’m writing on my office computer, which is slooooow. Guess I’ll have my work cut out for me this evening.
Check it out, though, and tell me who’s your favorite from the top 10. Oh, what’s my proof? I have to go all the way down to #25, Mariska Hargitay, before I find someone whom I don’t consider hot.
D.
PS: Glad to see Michelle Rodriguez in the #24 spot. Karen and I both think she’s hot, even though Karen claims she just likes Michelle’s acting.
PPS: Is that really Lucy Lawless?
News bits
I’ve had another late-and-tiring day. I seem to be having a lot of those lately, and I’m telling you, it’s a real drag. Sometimes I tell Karen I want to quit. I’ll wing it. Something will come up.
She just smiles and laughs.
***
Because inquiring minds want to know, here’s My MySpace Page.
Please be my friend?
***
I made the first cut for the Samhain Best First Line Contest. Mine is #15. They eliminated 2/3 of the 272 entries, and now it’s up to the 90 who remain to post their second lines. I suppose it’s a little too late to realize my second line is a sentence fragment, but at least I’m not the only one (e.g., #14). My third line is a bit of a run-on, but I’ll worry about that if I pass round two.
My current favorite is from Amme (#38):
Who are these women, and why do they want to be my friends?
A little over a year ago, I listened to Daisy Dexter Dobbs and set up a MySpace page. Daisy suggested it would drive more traffic to Balls and Walnuts, but I don’t know. I haven’t seen much action coming my way from MySpace. I guess I should be adding content over there, but it would be yet another daily chore. I can’t be bothered.
See, here’s what I don’t understand: who the hell are all these beautiful young women who want to be my friends? If they’re real, then my “Men” post the other day is complete and utter bullshit.
But I don’t think they’re real. I think they’re trying to sell me shit.
Faturday Flickr Babe!
Faturday Flickr Babe explained.
(By the way: the “fat” in “Faturday” is a coincidence of requisite alliteration and Roman Empire theology. It has nothing to do with the lipid content of the buttocks above. I happen to think these are perfect buttocks, and in fact, there’s a huge range of buttock perfection.)
My favorite part? The itty bitty downy area above the crack. Mmm.
Come ’round tonight at 7 – 7:30 PM PST for Live Blogging. See ya soon.
D.
P.S. For your reading pleasure: Fun at the Creation Museum!!!!
Humor does it for me every time. I’m also partial to shoplifting dogs (#21).
***
Looks like we are, indeed, going to have a real vacation this year. Current plan: July 4 – 10. We’ll fly into Seattle, then somehow go up to Vancouver. This assumes Karen can find her and Jake’s birth certificates.
Will the rental car companies let us take one of their cars across the border?
We’re looking forward to seeing Dean and SxKitten in person. As for my Bay Area friends: we’re shooting for a Thanksgiving trip.
***
I was kvetching about our icky plywood floors to a friend, and she (being polite, I assume) tried to make plywood floors sound like a GOOD thing. Because, you know, they’re already so ugly you don’t have to worry about cleaning them.
And if you think that’s bad, you should see the kitchen.
D.