Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Thirteen questions
This time around, you’ll have to do some work: answer at least one of the following questions in the comments, and you’ll get your linky lurve, you linky lurvehound you.
Extra-special lurve for answers which creatively interpret the question(s).
Darla: ask and ye shall receive . . .
1. What was the last item you shoplifted? A Brach’s caramel at Safeway market. I was four or five, and the caramels were out there for the taking. O Safeway, thou evil temptress!
2. The last time you faked an orgasm, why did you do it? Pity. All-nighters sound like fun until the “rug burn” kicks in. (Kidding, kidding!)
3. What’s the kinkiest thing you ever did in bed? The sex itself wasn’t all that kinky. Having the dog watch (and whine) — that was kinky.
4. Why did you stop beating your wife (husband, significant other)? She didn’t seem to be enjoying herself as much as I’d hoped.
5. What do you regret more than anything else? Playing it safe.
6. If you were sixteen again and knew then what you know now, what would you do first? Write myself a note: Invest in Apple, Genentech, Dell . . .
7. What do you despise the most about your husband (wife, significant other)? She complains constantly, whines about everything, never picks up after herself, and pesters me constantly for sex.
Oh, wait! That’s me!
8. If you could force me to write about one thing, what would it be? Internship. One of these days, I’ll manage to do my Internship Thirteen.
9. What lie have you told in order to get sex? My head will explode if I don’t get off.
10. What lie have you told in order to avoid sex? N/A
11. Which deadly sin do you commit daily? LUST. And maybe gluttony.
12. What is your idea of heaven? Food and sex, presented to me with such creativity and flair that neither ever become boring.
13. What would it take to get you in bed? If you’re my frau? An invitation. I’m easy.
You know what to do!
Hmm. Maybe I should join in on Renee’s book meme
May interviews Stephanie V. Kelsey, editor-in-chief of Mojocastle Press
If you want to know who wrote this first line:
Lady Rowenna gasped in horror at the sight of Lord Raoul’s majestic purple-helmeted warrior of love.
. . . you’ll have to read Darla’s Thirteen.
I think Shaina wants us to know she’s innocent 🙂
protected static: are picky eaters universal?
thorne: if it’s Tuesday, this must be tarot
Kate’s thirteen sexy women. No fair picking next door neighbors & teachers, folks who can’t be google-imaged!
D.
1. A bikini for a friend. I put the top inside one shoe, and the bottom in the other 😉
2. lol. I don’t think my memory goes back that far…
3. *pouts* All of my partners thus far have been remarkably un-kinky, except the night in the studio when five of us got frisky.
4. Who says I ever stopped?
5. Not believing in myself more.
6. Seduce the basketball team? Avoid the alcoholic/anorexic ex? Invest in tech stocks?
7. Their absence, the b@st@rds!
8. Why force anyone, when it’s so much more fun to seduce them? *batting eyelashes* Either way, I’d love to see the improved romance 🙂
9. I’m more a pretend-to-believe-their-lies sort of person than a tell-lies-for-sex girl
10. Laughs. I’m usually the one asking, but I suppose lying about how tired I am to get someone to leave could count…
11. Lust, of course.
12. So many different things… great books to read with a purring kitty; snugging in close with someone who makes my knees weak; getting into the zone where my hands and eyes take over while painting
13. Chemistry, foreplay, and protection.
Y’know, I could have done this over at my place, since I ended up answering every question!
6. If you were sixteen again and new then what you know now, what would you do first?
I would shoot myself. Seriously, I would have been easier on myself. It’s okay not to be perfect.
11. Which deadly sin do you commit daily?
A better question might be which one don’t I commit each day…
ARGH. I’m too tired to be too creative. Okay, here goes:
1) WMD. I just slipped those anthrax vials into my bra and walked out with them.
2) Yesterday. Carl’s gone, so it was just me & Literotica, but the kids got home from school, so I had to fake it & quit so I wouldn’t get caught.
3) Well, depends on your definition of kinky. Role-playing with a blow-up doll? Outdoor sex? Water sports? Bondage? Fruits & veggies? S&M? Costumes? Slugs? Toys? That battery-operated flyswatter? Take your pick.
4) Because it was his turn with the whip.
5) Slacker tendencies.
6) Buy condoms.
7) That he can eat 2 desserts for dinner every freaking night and not gain an ounce. The fiend. Well, that and the fact that he’s in Italy at the moment. Bastard.
8) Just one thing? I prefer variety, thanks.
9) No, my period hasn’t started yet.
10) Lie? To avoid sex? I seriously cannot think of a time. If I truly don’t feel like it, I’ll either say so, or use non-verbal no-thanks vibes.
11) Lust, I suppose. I wouldn’t consider it sinful, though.
12) Oneness with the universe, omniscience, total awareness.
13) I’m very, very monogamous, so for Carl–a look will do. For anyone else–sorry.
Obviously, I’m also too tired to self-censor.
So, when do we get your answers?
Renee: you and my other betas will get the revised manuscript when I finish the bloody thing. Having ending-angst problems (I don’t want to end it!)
May, you li’l sinner. How about committing the sin of putting a photo up on your blog so we can all lust after you?
Darla: Slugs? As for my answers . . . hmm, maybe later.
6. If you were sixteen again and new then what you know now, what would you do first?
I’d hit on the little thing that lived on the corner. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes I would.
8. If you could force me to write about one thing, what would it be?
Macaroni and Cheese.
i stole this as my TT. sorry! 0:-)
my answers are kinda lame though. oh well.
Mmmmm… 4-person simultaneous orgasm… Mmmmm… Oh, I’m sorry. What was the question again?
Well, the safe word of course…
Dean: mac and cheese? Why?
shaina, I had you beat at 17 (#3).
ps, I want to know more about this orgy . . .
‘Orgy’ isn’t the right word… We used to joke that it was a ‘ménage àplenty.’
You’re familiar with the phrase ‘an army of lovers’, right? It was more like that… We were all politically active together – adrenaline-and-hormone-fueled confrontations, taking on Operation Rescue and like-minded thugs. Put a bunch of young, idealistic kids together while they’re all hopped up on feminism, radical politics, punk rock, and queer theory, and, well… Things happen.
The 4-way-simultaneous orgasm only happened once. But it wasn’t for a lack of effort.
(Actually, my wife and I had a pretty stable relationship with this couple for over a year… Kate and Demitrius at the end of this story are a loose fusion of that couple and another couple from an earlier, less-successful poly relationship we had.)
11. Which deadly sin do you commit daily?
As none of them have actually killed me, yet, I consider them freebies and I’m therefore absolved of the sin.
1. What was the last item you shoplifted?
A Santa Hat with thick black faux fur around the edge instead of the usual white. Who actually did the crime remains a subjest of debate in our home every Yule. The story is nearly a tradition (after 5 years). The facts are: A girlfriend put the cap on my head, insisting I had to have it and that she would buy it for me. I wore it while shopping and out the door. No-one paid for it.
2. The last time you faked an orgasm, why did you do it? Pity. My x-husbane wanted me to pay for being “allowed” to have my girl-love. Bo-ring!!
3. What’s the kinkiest thing you ever did in bed? Strapped on for a boyfriend. I thought I’d never get rid of him!
4. Why did you stop beating your wife (husband, significant other)? It was her turn??
5. What do you regret more than anything else? My last marriage.
6. If you were sixteen again and knew then what you know now, what would you do first? Graduate.
7. What do you despise the most about your husband (wife, significant other)? She won’t risk multiple orgasms.
8. If you could force me to write about one thing, what would it be? Your first kiss. (The kiss by which all others have been judged; and found wanting)
9. What lie have you told in order to get sex? “I’ll spend the night”
10. What lie have you told in order to avoid sex? N/A
11. Which deadly sin do you commit daily? Original.
12. What is your idea of heaven? Another spin on the wheel.
13. What would it take to get you in bed? I am in bed!
I did a thirteen about hawt women. That’s close to this because I got the idea from you.
I did a thirteen about hawt women. That’s close to this because I got the idea from you.
I did a thirteen about hawt women. That’s close to this because I got the idea from you.
and for some reason I can’t seem to post just once anywhere. My computer must have a stuttering virus.
ps: yet more evidence that I have led a boring, unfulfilled life.
lyvvie: cheater!
thorne: my first kiss was a dull affair. In fact, I can’t think of any truly electrifying kisses. See my answer to ps, above. As for holding hands the first time — now that was special.
kate: thanks for giving me your virus 😉
Doug: it was an intoxicating few years, that’s for sure… In retrospect, it was probably unsustainable, and elements of it were quite toxic, but it was (mostly) fun while it lasted. We’re still in a poly relationship, but as a trio, not a quad (going on 11 years)… And, well, we’re pretty boring grownups now. Work, parenting – you know the drill.
He’s in a polygamous relationship and he calls this boring.
I think I’ll go crawl up and die now, thank you very much 😉
Do you shout cheater for I didn’t single one out? I am guilty of all of them!!
Polyamorous, not polygamous.
But yeah – that detail aside, normal & boring… 😉
Lyvvie: but you didn’t say that you’d done ’em all, only that none of ’em had killed you yet. I called cheater cuz you didn’t confess to any juicy secrets. Not like protected static . . .
. . . who wants to parse words with me. Polyamorous, polygamous. Operationally the same thing, IMO, except one’s legal, one’s not. BTW, did you email me? If so, the ether ate it.
I did email you – it looks like I might have used harborside.net instead of .com… d’oh!
I just tried again.