Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Proof that I used to be funnier
Michelle Duggar ought to be popping out #18 any day now. High time we revisited this old favorite (old favorite of mine, anyway!) From May 9,
Michelle Duggar is pregnant with number 18, which means it’s time for me to unleash more Duggary goodness. If you read that article, you’ll note that Michelle decided to break the news to her kids on the Today Show.
Guess she could have been more tactless. Guess she could have announced on Maury Povich.
Media junkies. Since the Duggars wanna be the rock stars of extreme fecundity, I thought I would give them a few glamour poses . . . a chance, perhaps, to catch Hollywood’s eye.
See you below the cut.
Jim Bob Duggar in SPERMINATOR . . . A Quinn Martin production.
Memorable quotes:
Kyle Reese: Listen. And understand. That sperminator is out there. He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are pregnant.
Biker at Phone Booth: Hey, man, you’ve got a serious libido problem.
The Sperminator: I’ll be back.
***
Remember The Incredibles — “If everyone is special, no one is special?” Uh-huh.
***
Say CHEESE!
It doesn’t get much cheesier.
***
Time for another stab at Hollywood fame.
“Hey, Michelle — wanna see my BOOMSTICK?”
***
Yeah, that’s all I got.
D.
Mrs. Duggar must have serious urinary incontinence by now, cuz I bet she doesn’t have c-sections.That would be contrary to god’s will.
I thought Prof. Snape was funnier, and you’ve left him off completely. Will he ever return or has that ship sailed?
How has her uterus not fallen out? Seriously.
I…i have a secret to confess.
*whispers* i watch their show!
17 Kids and Counting.
It’s horribly enthralling. They seem so NORMAL…until they talk about how G-d wants them to do this or that. or when you get to the episode where the oldest gets engaged…except that he won’t even get to KISS his fiancee until their wedding day. they can hold hands, but that’s IT. everywhere they go, they have a CHAPERONE. and…here’s the worst part…he CHOSE THIS. all the kids get to choose whether they follow the “courtship” routine…and they do! *shudders*
the little boys are so cute though 🙁 it’s too bad.
Her uterus is going to fall out on the sidewalk while is walking to Walmart one day.
Maybe signing up with Twitter and making pithy tweets would help you get your groove back. 😉
still funny to me ole king of satire
i second dcr’s motion. twitter is AWESOME. by which i mean insanely addictive. but yeah…
rawdawg: thanks, man.
rest of yous: what is this twitter of which you speak? And what’s wrong with good ol’ commenting on peoples’ blogs, which I can’t even manage to do anymore?
Twitter.com Get on there, open up an account, get yourself a couple thousand followers hanging on your every word, and see how you feel about Twitter then. 😉
re: twitter–you can also update FROM YOUR PHONE. via texting. which makes it all the more enticing 🙂
if/when you do get it, doug, make sure you “follow” me–i’m shainamaydel, of course.
I third or fourth the twitter thing. Unless you’ve signed up already, with the username camel_toe. If that’s you, then I’ll start the following. If it’s not you — there’s a creepy world of synchronicity out there, and I’m not remotely ready for it.
Also — I thought that the headline said “furrier”, not “funnier”, so I read with some trepidation, hoping to not encounter any photos of, say, your unshaved back compared to your newly-shaved back.
Leaving aside the fact that they’re nuttier than a Planter’s factory, they’re a a healthy looking bunch – no glasses, no braces, nary a withered limb in sight. That’s some damned good protoplasm – from a Darwinian perspective, the Duggars are made of win. If those kids are equally fecund, they’re going to take over …
Generation 1: 2 Duggars
Generation 2: 19 Duggars
Generation 3: 6859 Duggars
Generation 6: Duggars form the largest voting block in the country, country renamed Duggar States of America
Generation 7: Continents renamed North & South Dugger
Oops, screwed up my math – only 18 whelps so far. Oh well, the general premise still stands. Unless the next one is a 3-eyed hunchback.
You’re forgetting that the Duggar gestation time is three weeks, and they reach sexual maturity by age 4 . . .
Oh my god, they’re guinea pigs in human form!
Anything that breeds that fast has to be at the bottom of the food chain. I wonder what eats Duggars …