Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear.
Michelle Duggar is pregnant with number 18, which means it’s time for me to unleash more Duggary goodness. If you read that article, you’ll note that Michelle decided to break the news to her kids on the Today Show.
Guess she could have been more tactless. Guess she could have announced on Maury Povich.
Media junkies. Since the Duggars wanna be the rock stars of extreme fecundity, I thought I would give them a few glamour poses . . . a chance, perhaps, to catch Hollywood’s eye.
See you below the cut.
Jim Bob Duggar in SPERMINATOR . . . A Quinn Martin production.
Memorable quotes:
Kyle Reese: Listen. And understand. That sperminator is out there. He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are pregnant.
Biker at Phone Booth: Hey, man, you’ve got a serious libido problem.
The Sperminator: I’ll be back.
***
Remember The Incredibles — “If everyone is special, no one is special?” Uh-huh.
***
Say CHEESE!
It doesn’t get much cheesier.
***
Time for another stab at Hollywood fame.
“Hey, Michelle — wanna see my BOOMSTICK?”
***
Yeah, that’s all I got.
D.
Hurry over to Wikipedia’s article on the Quiverfull movement before someone edits it back to blandness. Check out items 2.4 and 3.1.
(No, I am not the culprit.)
all i can think is, her poor body! like, isn’t her poor uterus tired? doesnt she ever get sick? geez.
i also find it surprising that they actually let their kids out in NY, with all it’s worldly temptations; weren’t they worried that they might be corrupted or something??
I am so grossed out.
Too late. Missed it.
Huh? Missed what?
According to Lola Geek, the Duggars are holding a poll to choose the name of their next
minionchild. Sadly, you have to pick from a list, so I can’t volunteer João Jimmy John if it’s a boy, Jezebel if it’s a girl.This was funny! Has anyone ever interviewed the kids to see how they feel? Probably not. I am reminded of Jerry Cruncher’s son in A Tale of Two Cities when he proudly tells his father, “I want to be a Resurrection man just like you.” Will Jim Duggar’s sons say, “I want to be a Sperminator just like you, Dad?”
And does anyone else see the way these girls are dressing? They all look like they will be little mass producers too. I am also reminded of the TX polygamists too.
Wouldn’t it be interesting to do IQ tests on the younger ones compared to the older children? And how old is this woman anyway?
Ugh…can you say “pollution”?
The oldest boy likes show tunes and has an interest in theater.
I recall one of the young kids noting hopefully, with regard to their new house, that it would be big enough he would be able to find a place to hide and be alone. Imagine having THAT as your greatest desire for a new home. I think that speaks volumes.
I am also reminded of the TX polygamists
That aspect has struck me from when I first heard of this family – Mormons in general, actually, not just the polygamists. For me, this is partly to do with the largeness of the family and partly to do with that look in the eyes this family shares with every large Mormon family I’ve ever known. I don’t know the word for it – it’s some combination of innocent and stupid* and trusting.
It’s one of those things that challenges me, actually. Because that look seems to say, to me, that they’re absolutely confident that nothing bad will ever happen to them simply because they believe that nothing bad will ever happen to them. They believe God will take care of them, and therefore, God does. It’s a challenge to me because this bumps up against one of those notions that’s so nice to believe in: tell the universe what you want and the universe will provide it – positive thoughts out gets positive things in return; negative thoughts out gets negative things in return. It’s like the extreme version of that, and the thing is, it seems to work for so many of these people. They don’t need to think overmuch or worry overmuch, so they don’t. And they get rewarded for it – so why not keep on believing? It makes me feel like I’m living the William Blake innocence vs. experience notion on the experience side, with me bewildered that acting so childlike actually works for so many people.
*I don’t mean stupid in the sense of purely a judgment of intellect. I mean it partly to imply a kind of willful stupidity: they know there’s a lot they don’t know, and by telling themselves it’s a sin to educate themselves, they take the easy way out and choose not to gain knowledge. Gaining knowledge might challenge their comfortableness in their beliefs, so in the end even those that could be more informed aren’t.
Now, now, don’t go bashing all Mormons. Some of my readers are Mormons.
*waves hand helloooo!*
. . . and they like my blog, which makes them cool people.
The polygamists who are marrying their 13-year-old cousins, yeah, I’ll agree with you there; but I strongly suspect many if not MOST Mormons find those folks to be an embarrassment.
Wait you missed the most important thing. Michelle Duggar has a new hairstyle! If that ain’t a sign of the apocalypse I don’t know what is.
M
Anyone notice their new house LOOKS like a compound?
And you are right…that little boy wanting a place to hide and be alone DOES speak volumes.
I watched the “road trip” special on this family and was absolutely dumbfounded (is that a common reaction?)that they were portrayed as such a happy-go-lucky bunch of typical Americans, when the family is run like a quasi-military organization disguised as Mouseketeers sans hats with ears (ooh,I rhymed)! Texas? You bet, Y’all!
I read with delight, fear and bemusement the other comments left, and feel likewise, that there is too much of a Texas Polygamist feel here, which is bonechilling. I’m going to read about the Quiverfull–but I also want to know whether it has been made clear if this family follows a particular religious philosophy, like Mormonism, or if they are Quiverfull adherants?
After that, I’m going to try to determine which of those cute, tragic little clones just wants a place to be by himself, and offer him a spot at our house, where we have only one kid from whom he’ll have to hide, and more than one room in which to do so! Poor thing! It is tragic that at his age, all he wants is, as my son used to say, “a little piece of quiet”.
The worst thing is thst the channel that broadcasts shows about the Duggars probably also features urgent donation solicitations for aid to starving, homeless, and deprived children from the “Save the Children” Christian Charity. YOOHOO, fanatics! “If you don’t birth ’em, you don’t haveta feed ’em.” It seems to me that caring for those children, who are already born, is a much more spiritual act than impregnating a woman who has already produced 17 new beings to crowd the planet (although tater tot casserole may not be on the list of acceptable food donations). Yeah,how old is she?
My favorite topic might be Mrs. D’s hair, though. The sheer volume does seem to lend creedence to my theory that women who are pregnant have some kind of thick-hair-growing hormone deal going on, and I think someone clever at deducing this could steal some Duggar stem cells and there would be no more balding middle aged women (and maybe men, either!) Although, it could be a Duggar thing, and I don’t care what kind of good hair days I’d have, the Sperminator is NOT my cup of Postem.
It is interesting, also, that you’ve discussed, in various spots on your blogs, etc., stem cells (the self-liposuction discussion re: stem cells) as well as various other issues that came together in a somewhat creepy way as I wrote this letter. I still can’t get the earwax out of my son’s ears, though. A search for a cure for that problem is how I found your site.
By the way, Otolaryngology, Rhinology, and Bronchoesophagology is noble field. Trust me…and you are RIGHT ON about the ‘foreign body in the nose’ syndrome! I got hysterical about a bead my 4 year old son stuck up his nose until his VERY WISE grandfather told me to hold the other side closed and have him blow his nose gently. Out it popped. “After all,” his grandpa said, “where is it going to go?” Sage advice.
AND, NO KIDDING, keep ANYTHING CAUSTIC under LOCK and KEY if you have kids or have anyone’s kids around. DID YOU HEAR THAT, DUGGARS? That’s all they need…a lifetime of dilatations for one or more of those kids. When they’re TEAM CLEANING the bathrooms, make sure they know not to mix bleach and ammonia, and not to drink or taste anything caustic, especially if it might be “divided up” into soda bottles or the like to use in all the different bathrooms. NO! NO! ORIGINAL CONTAINERS ONLY!
As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, now I have to think about little Duggars having to do housecleaning with toxics– the dangers of which they may not know. What about those IQ tests for THE PARENTS? Should kids that young be doing HEAVY cleaning? In a perfect world, with no starvation, loneliness, or total overcrowding, I might want a lot of kids, but in this imperfect place,where idiots can have handguns, we need to watch out for the innocent ones and not be self indulgent like the Duggars and those of their ilk. Sooofrustrating!
Michelle, I’ll only say this once, so listen carefully:
YOUR VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR.
Reproduction on this scale places you in the same category as rodents and amphibians. Just sayin’
OMIGOD.