Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Worst wedding music ever
. . . unless you can think of something worse than Carly Simon’s “That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be.”
My friends from college they’re all married now;
They have their houses and their lawns.
They have their silent noons,
Tearful nights, angry dawns.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this song. It’s biting, insightful, a real eyeopener. It does for marriage what Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s In The Cradle” does for fatherhood. But does it really have any place at a wedding reception?
You say we can keep our love alive
Babe – all I know is what I see –
The couples cling and claw
And drown in love’s debris.
The old gf and I are friends now. We write each other regularly. Tonight, she mentioned her sister’s wedding, which I also attended. Her sis played this song at her wedding, and when I asked her why (why, why, for the love of God why*), she said, merely, “I like that song.” She stopped talking to me soon afterwards, but that’s another story.
You say we’ll soar like two birds through the clouds,
But soon you’ll cage me on your shelf –
I’ll never learn to be just me first
By myself.
So, what do you think? Worst choice ever, or can you think of one which tops this?
Here’s the video, in case you’re having trouble remembering the song.
D.
*Never the diplomat, I believe I cried, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Have you ever listened to the lyrics?”
People only selectively pay attention to lyrics.
Remember the Microsoft ad campaign “We can be heroes”?
The rest of the lyrics go something like “for just one day.”
Because, you know, after about a day’s work, you’ll end up with the blue screen of death and you won’t be a hero anymore; you’ll just be a frustrated future villain. 😉
Dr. Hoffman? I’m sorry to interrupt your blog but I have a question about the throat. See, a blogger friend of mine just posted about having read that there’s been increase in throat cancers due to women giving blow jobs to men with genital warts. Is this true? The post didn’t mention anything about men (or lesbians) getting tongue cancer from oral on women with genital warts…so I thought I’d ask a throat/oral expert.
Microsoft has a history of odd song choices. For Windows 95 they licenced ‘Start Me Up’, which has gems like ‘you make a grown man cry’ and ‘you make a dead man come’ in it. One of their ads maybe ten years ago featured a well-known classical choral piece whose name I do not know, but which in Latin means something like ‘the damned are condemned to an eternity in hell’.
I happen to think that their Heroes campaign is good, and the song choice works. The Heroes campaign isn’t suggesting that Microsoft are heroes, but that individual developers are, and by god it would be nice to be a hero just for one day.
A close second might be “Hard Habit to Break” by Chicago.
Dan, Dean: I just realized something. When it comes to operating systems, I’m polygamous.
Lyvvie: sadly, it’s true.
Carmen: welcome to the blog! I remember that song, but not the lyrics. I’ll have to check that one out.
Of course, the one wedding song that makes me want to put a bullet in the speaker system is “There Is Love”. What an abomination.
Just about any song from the soundtrack of Sweeney Todd except maybe Pretty Women and Not While I’m Around.
My kids really, really like the soundtrack of Sweeney Todd.
A friend of mine once considered dedicating Meat Loaf’s “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad” to his girlfriend. I said, “You haven’t listened to the words, have you?”
I want you
I need you
But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you
Now don’t be sad
‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad
That’d be kind of unfortunate at a wedding too, I’d warrant.
There was a small trend towards The Police’s Every Breath You Take for a short while…another example of not paying attention to the lyrics (or caring about them).
Kate, that would be the Demon Barber of Seville? But doesn’t he just wanna cut hair?
Pat, that’s great. I love it.
fiveandfour: I just checked the lyrics. I think it’s sweet. He wuvs her! /snark
Ugh. sorry. I’m sleep deprived and my humor is in bad, bad shape.
I seriously don’t know that that can be topped – but i think Achy Breaky heart might be up there. And having gone to school in the South, i have certainly heard that one (and seen the dance) at a few weddings.
I was at a wedding once that had a garden-party reception. There was a guitarist there playing old chart hits and at one point he kicked into “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.”
Good ones!
I thought of another one. Does anyone remember Fear’s “Beef Bologna”?
Wish I would have thought of that for my wedding. Unfortunately, we had a string quartet. (Wonder if Kronos has ever done a cover on “Beef Bologna” . . .)