To your health

Some years ago, a patient brought me this book (Rev. Heumann’s Family Health Book). It reminded me of the fine time I’d had in med school, hanging out in the basement of our library reading marital aid books from the 1920s. From time to time, I’ve considered collecting such books. Rev. Heumann’s book isn’t in good enough condition to be considered a collectible, but it’s still blogworthy.

As you can see, the cover is graced with the good reverend’s visage framed by a rising sun. The image communicates: Yea, God Himself has approved this tome. And if that’s not good enough for you, the first page tells us, “This book has been revised by a registered physician. New York, N. Y. February 1, 1935.”

Mine is a 40th Edition, making me wonder whether Rev. Heumann was even alive in 1935. His company surely was. Within the front cover is a blue tear-out to be used for mail order palliatives such as “Spasma Drops” (for asthma, three dollars a package), snuff powder (fifty cents a package), Insomol Tablets for insomnia (two-fifty a package), and Serasal Tablets (for “purification of the system” — two dollars a package). More ads are scattered throughout the text. Not only did Rev. Heumann sell drugs, he also sold appliances, like the one for bedwetters shown below.

When I browse the table of contents, it strikes me how little separates us from the Middle Ages. Remember Steve Martin’s Medieval Barber routine on Saturday Night Live? Twas only yesterday. Here are some memorable terms from the Contents: dyspepsia, catarrh of the bladder, lumbago, podagra, dropsy, chlorosis, Salt-Rheum, and ruptures. I know some of these, but not all. Podagra is an old term for gout; chlorosis is a type of anemia — now known as hypochromic anemia — in which the skin develops a greenish discoloration; Salt-Rheum is eczema, and ruptures are hernias.

While Rev. Heumann’s main goal seems to be the sale of medicinals and pee-bags, he does fit in a good amount of solid, sound advice.

TEN COMMANDMENTS TO GOOD HEALTH

1. Do not worry, be of contented mind.
2. Observe regular habits.
3. Eat slowly and masticate your food thoroughly.
4. Drink six glasses of water every day.
5. Have a bowel elimination daily.
6. Exercise daily.
7. Sleep at least 8 hours.
8. Brush your teeth every morning and evening.
9. Avoid nervous haste.
10. Be moderate in all things.

I wonder about #9, but other than that, you can’t go wrong with these Ten Commandments. And I can find little fault in his advice on nosebleeds:

Most nose-bleeds come from a little clump of veins just inside the nostril. While blowing the nose too violently or picking at the nose, the thin walls of these veins are torn, causing them to bleed. Nose-bleed can usually be controlled readily by inserting a wad of cotton or the end of a handkerchief tightly inside the nostril and allowing it to remain there for ten minutes. Do not remove the wadding or handkerchief too soon, or the bleeding will start again. Moistening the wadding or handkerchief with aluminum acetate solution (See Reverend Heumann’s Aluminum Acetate Tablets, page 110) makes the treatment more effective.

Nowadays, given the sad absence of Reverend Heumann’s Aluminum Acetate Tablets from the corner drug store, I would recommend using a nasal decongestant spray to moisten the cotton. Same principle, though, and it probably works as well now as it did then.

The man had his quirks. He really loved urinalysis, for one thing. “Indeed, every apparently healthy person should be advised to have his urine analyzed from time to time — at least once a year. In this way thousands have been enabled to discover and treat a case in time and this is particularly so in cases of diabetes and in kidney disorders. For the army of imaginary invalids, an analysis of their urine is of no small importance.”

He goes on to explain that those folks (hypochondriacs) dig on urinalyses because a normal test result is

A Great Relief for the Nerves.

What Rev. Heumann’s pamphlet lacks is titillation. Nothing about masturbation or marital woes. Nothing about venereal disease or a woman’s monthly flux. It’s as though Rev. Heumann and his readers reproduced by fission.

Guess I’ll have to keep looking for that sort of manual.

***

Anyone up for live-blogging tonight?

That’s it for now. I have to go kill Baal.

D.