Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
An open letter to the boys of Del Norte County
Specifically, the ones hanging out in front of Safeway trying to sell raffle tickets.
Look, no one expects you to dress like a Girl Scout. You don’t even have to dress like a Boy Scout! But you have to agree, I hope, that the Girl Scouts do a bang-up business while you guys are left out in the cold holding your skateboards.
Here’s the thing: no one is going to buy a random raffle ticket. We would kind of like to know what we might WIN, for one thing, and since we realize we’re throwing our money away (most of the time), what the hell charity are we supporting with our dollar? Or however much it is. See, you didn’t even tell me that.
“Would you like to buy a raffle ticket to support the Del Norte Boys A Capella Choir? You could win an all expenses-paid trip for two to Trees of Mystery! It’s only a dollar!”
There. Was that so difficult? And a couple other things would help . . .
Like a couple of cute girls and a dog with a ring around his eye, for example. In fact, I suggest you (A) bribe your girlfriends into doing this for you, and (B) make sure they have nearby a big cardboard box full of puppies for sale. Now you’ve gained valuable experience delegating responsibility, and you’ll sell more raffle tickets, too.
Or you can go on storming up to people, demanding, “BUY A RAFFLE TICKET?” That is, when you’re not screaming at your friends across the parking lot, swearing at and showing off to each other on your bikes and skateboards, etc.
Whatever works for you.
D.
are there not parents with these boys? that sucks. stupidheads.
i have an early, kind of depressing thursday thirteen up. yeah. i’m in a weeeeird mood tonight. :-/
Nope, not one parent. Which is yet another thing the Girl Scouts have going for them. Can you imagine a bunch of girls turned loose without a single mom in sight?
When they do that on the BART, I press the button on the intercom for the train’s engineer. “We have some aggressive unwanted solicitors in our car.” I am sick of them. Go take the faux raffle elsewhere with your baggy pants.
Those aren’t my kids and I’m not just saying that because I live on the other side of the country. My kids try to show off on a skateboard, they’d kill their poor bony asses.
And we bought a game with my BALLS AND WALNUT WINNER contest money. Quelf. We have yet to play it but I thought you’d like to know it was something as far from Porn as Possible. Family fun time.
A game called Queef and it’s not porn?
Oooooh. Quelf. My bad.
I hate it when stores actually let people stand outside their doors and pester their customers. I went to the store for a particular reason, and that reason wasn’t to be hounded with requests for donations or to buy cookies or tickets or whatever.
Maybe that’s part of the reason the online economy is doing good even while the B&M economy is in the toilet. 😉
But, I’m sure someday someone will come up with an eCommerce plugin that will hound you for donations and raffle tickets after you’ve checked out from the online store…
I can relate to this one…I HATE raffle tickets…does anyone ever win that crap? I never support those at work. I’d rather buy cheap, chocolate peanut butter Easter eggs; at least I get something for my money.
Stamper, I won about a thousand bottles of beer through a raffle. I think I still have a few.
Good god. I just looked up when I won–almost 2 years ago exactly. I’ve been blogging a longass time.
Hey, Doug (and anyone else) come over and read my online smut chapter.