Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Famous Last Words
I know I’ve been a drag lately. Illness does that to me. I’d do a whole post of sobs if I could: Waaah! I’m coughing up a lung! Waaah! My colon’s trying to turn itself inside out!
To make it up to you, I thought up a fun quiz. Below, you’ll find the last words of works which are considered classics of their genre. Read the words, guess the author. Answers in the Comments.
No prizes for this one; you cultcha geniuses will have to be content with the newly reaffirmed knowledge of your intellectual superiority. Mensa will be contacting you posthaste.
Oh, one complication: in cases where a name would give away the answer, I have substituted a different name. Ain’t I a son of a bitch?
1. Original ending:
I was very glad afterwards to have had the interview, for in her face and in her voice, and in her touch, she gave me the assurance that suffering had been stronger than Wilford Brimley’s teaching, and had given her a heart to understand what my heart used to be.
A) Austen
B) Hardy
C) Fielding
D) Dickens
E) E. Bronte
2. Still controversial, but for all the wrong reasons.
Opie’s most well now, and got his bullet around his neck on a watch-guard for a watch, and is always seeing what time it is, and so there ain’t nothing more to write about, and I am rotten glad of it, because if I’d ‘a’ knowed what a trouble it was to make a book I wouldn’t ‘a’ tackled it, and ain’t ‘a’ going to no more. But I reckon I got to light out for the territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Bea she’s going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can’t stand it. I been there before.
A) Ellison
B) Cooper
C) Twain
D) Wright
E) Fitzgerald
3. A piece of cake for me or my wife, but I’ve learned not to take things for granted.
Britney ceased and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. “We have lost the first of the ebb,” said the Director suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed sombre under an overcast sky — seemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness.
A) Conrad
B) Dostoevsky
C) Tolstoy
D) Mann
E) Dinesen
4. Some crime fiction for you. Picture Bogie.
On the way downtown I stopped at a bar and had a couple of double Scotches. They didn’t do me any good. All they did was make me think of Silver-Wig. I never saw her again.
A) Hammett
B) Chandler
C) Spillane
D) Fleming
E) Thompson
5. The amazing thing is that it ever ended.
He drew a deep breath. ‘Well, I’m back,’ he said.
A) Tolkien
B) Lewis
C) Jordan
D) Moorcock
E) Salvatore
6. One of the more memorable ending lines, IMO.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
A) Hemingway
B) Faulkner
C) Fitzgerald
D) O’Connor
E) McCullers
7. What a dick.
Now small fowls flew screaming over the yet yawning gulf; a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides; then all collapsed, and the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled five thousand years ago.
A) Stevenson
B) Crane
C) Melville
D) London
E) Poe
8. Blücher!
He sprung from the cabin-window, as he said this, upon the ice-raft which lay close to the vessel. He was soon borne away by the waves, and lost in darkness and distance.
A) Melville
B) Shelley
C) Forester
D) Hardy
E) Dumas
9. One of Merle Oberon’s greatest hits.
I lingered round them; under that benign sky; watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how anyone could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
A) E. Bronte
B) Austen
C) Cather
D) Wharton
E) Eliot
10. A real dog, this one.
But he is not always alone. When the long winter nights come on and the wolves follow their meat into the lower valleys, he may be seen running at the head of the pack through the pale moonlight or glimmering borealis, leaping gigantic above his fellows, his great throat abellow as he sings a song of the younger world, which is the song of the pack.
A) Wilde
B) Kipling
C) Grey
D) Tarkington
E) London
Answers in the comments . . .
D.
Ready? Here we go.
1. D. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.
2. C. Mark Twain, Huckleberry Finn.
3. A. Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness.
4. B. Raymond Chandler, The Big Sleep.
5. A. J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of the King.
6. C. F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.
7. C. Herman Melville, Moby Dick.
8. B. Mary Shelley, Frankenstein.
9. A. Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights.
10. E. Jack London, The Call of the Wild.
How did you do?
Oh, I thought I was the one being a drag. But it YOU! I knew it was one of us. I cwertainly hope you’re feline better soon. I got a job, so I’m not around as much as I used to be. Yeah. I may not make it past probation. Bad memory and all. I hope I do. I’d rather be working than collectin’ that gobment check.
Oh, CD, why would you think YOU’RE being a drag??
I’d rather be feline, too. It’s the barbed penis.
Well, I didn’t know 3 or 4, never having read them, but I got the rest.
What? You can’t turn the straw of feeling ill into the gold of comedy? Here–somebody’s already done it for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE
Feel better.
Only one I recalled the actual wording was the Shelley, though the Twain was unmistakable. So without the clues, and the multiple choice answers, I know I’d have got two. And I’d have probably guessed London, because Call of the Wild is the only wolf-centric book I can recall reading.
So I scored seven, but knew two. (Only read five of them, though.)
I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t admit this, but, well, I’ve never read any of them. Hmm.
I guessed at the Mark Twain/Huck Finn one, but the others, yeah, I didn’t get any.
Now, should we talk about my top 30 romances I voted for in AAR’s poll? 🙂
Fucking A. I got almost half of the wrong.
And you’re such an Also Ran when it comes to being a drag and sob queen. I win the crown. Don’t even bother trying to reach for it. Mine, mine, allll mine.
the reason it’s so pathetic that I got 4 out of 10 wrong is that I’ve read all except the Big Sleep.
OK, I’m such an idiot that I couldn’t figure out why Wilford Brimley’s name was in the first one. And then I couldn’t figure out why Opie and Aunt Bea were in the second one, and so on and so on.
So I cheated and checked comments. Huh? Dickens? I don’t get it.
I’m SUCH an idiot. Can we get a collective DUH! here? Huh?
Sheesh. Need more coffee or maybe whiskey or sumpin.
OK, by the way, I recognized Wuthering Heights even without the Merle Oberon hint. I Lurve Wuthering Heights with all the passion a teenaged girl who had a massive crush on her English Short Novel teacher could have. (Hate the movies though.)
But then I was FURTHER confused as to why Britney was showing up. Clearly, I overthink every multiple choice test given to me. My driver’s license test was agony.
I think I did pretty well considering I’ve read only 5 of the 10, but thanks to writers having a “style”, 3 of the 5 others fell easily into place.
That Fitzgerald quote is one of my favorites of all time – he was so good at evoking feeling with perfect sentences like that.
Darla: great video. And it’s funny because it’s true.
Marianne: drat. Knew I made the clues too obvious . . .
Chris, by all means! Or at least give us your top ten list 🙂
Kate: you’re absolutely right. I haven’t even begun to whine about all my rejections. And hey, you have to read The Big Sleep. Just don’t pay close attention to the plot, okay?
Suisan, I am especially proud of Britney-as-Marlow. Quite a stroke of brilliance, if I do say so myself.
fiveandfour, that is one of my favorite ending lines — even if I don’t understand it fully.
Thanks for playing, everyone!
I have to admit the clues helped a bit but I did manage to get 5 right. I love Raymond Chandler – and Bogart, I recognized Jack London right away (read all his books when I was young, along with everything by Terhune, e.g., “Lad, A Dog,” etc.), Wuthering Heights was one of my favorites when I was young (along with Jane Eyre, by Emily’s sister!). Heart of Darkness was a giveaway from the words being in the paragraph. And I got Huckleberry Finn with no problem. I blew it on Melville though, and am ashamed I didn’t know Frankenstein (which I did read) and Gatsby (which I haven’t).
Fun quiz, by the way!
Some folks are raised on classics, some aren’t. Sounds like you were!