Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Blogosophy
So Blue Gal lit a fire under Redd Turtle, hoping her friend would get back into the swing of things, but Redd had reached a blogological impasse. Redd writes:
I’ll be honest. I can’t decide on the angle, hence the procrastination. I don’t really mean angle in a “let’s get them here by writing about hot button issues†way. I just mean – I’m interested in so much my brain is full.
Blue Gal cited yours truly as an example of a brainful blogger who somehow makes it work. Never mind that 90%* of the hits you see below are to my cameltoe page. (Phrased differently: when it comes to blogospheric success, be careful what you wish for). Even if most of my blog’s visitors are singlehanded-typing teenaged boys, I still have what I really want — an audience. You guys. The ones who read my blog even if I don’t put up any kewl graphics.
But, um, just in case . . .
Still here? I knew I could count on you.
I wish I could share some sort of insight with Redd Turtle, something that would help her find her blogging voice. Maybe I can, maybe I can’t; I think everyone has to find their own voice. It’s safe to say mine has been polyglottic from the start. Of my first ten posts:
3 concerned my fiction
2 were about books
1 was about a movie
1 was a family photo
1 was about work
1 was about my son’s headache problems (the best of the ten, I think), and
1 was a humor piece (don’t bother)
In my opinion, I didn’t hit my stride until this piece, my first Memoirist BS post, which I wrote at the end of my second month. That’s when it dawned on me what people wanted most: a piece of me.
Not that I’m anything special, mind you. (Sex- and food-obsessed, yeah, but special? Nah. Barney the Purple Dinosaur’s friends are special. I’m just me.) See, I think folks want two things from blogs, information and a slice of humanity. But information, you can get that from any dumb old website. Human contact? That’s the blogosphere’s domain.
Even when folks look to the blogosphere for information, it’s that human touch they desire. Take my friend Blue Gal, for example. If I’m wondering about the size of James Carville’s micropenis, I don’t only want to know the figure in inches; I want to know what Blue Gal thinks of Carville’s micropenis.
So, Redd, I really don’t think brainfulness is a shortcoming in this business. It’s a virtue. Embrace your polyglot nature. Write about whatever tweaks your fancy that day, but remember to let us know your take on the story. If folks wanted simple reportage, they could hit cnn.com or a dozen other news sources; but, no. Your readers want your riff, so give it to ’em. Give ’em your riff. Cram it down their greedy little throats.
As for me, I’m gonna go back to searching butt cleavage images.
D.
*90%? I don’t know. A LOT. How much is a lot in percent?
Assuming a normal distribution, ‘3 standard deviations’ pretty much covers most useful values of ‘a lot’. To play it more conservatively, ‘2 standard deviations’ probably covers most situations (as it were).
You’re right Doug, folks want to know what makes the blogger tick, they want the meat and bones of the person on the other end. I get more replies to posts that are personal in nature, the rants, woes and anxieties more than anything else. Bare your soul and they will come. Don’t force the funny and type like you’re filling in a diary.
I just put up a wee thing on my blog just for you as inspired by your Thursday 13. Hope you enjoy.
So – looks like I’m in. Great post Walnut – and thanks for stopping by my new digs. I feel some new posts coming on….
Again. Thanks.
I don’t remember who said it, but it was some bigwig dick-swinging writer, and he said that the thing that defined a blog in his mind was the writer’s voice.
Which is what you’re saying here.
I don’t think you can have a voice while trying to cater to your audience. I think you have to write in an authentic fashion in order for it to work: look at all the Big Bloggers. You can usually tell who wrote what. If I look at all the blogs that I read every day, you all (and this is one) have a distinctive voice, a consistent tone. I’d classify yours as ‘intelligent, humourous, eclectic’. Oh, and ‘sex-obsessed’. 🙂
I started out blogging with short, silly non sequiturs. And pretty much stayed there.
Well, you only need a 75% 5-firm concentration ratio to make the industry an oligopoly, therefore 90% must be heck of a lot.
I don’t know. People spend a lot of time worrying about their “voice” and I find that that blogging is just a way to trip the valve, keep my head from exploding. For a while I was posting at many places, feeling that the community was the biggest thing. I know I spend time at Blue Republic for example because I know that I will laugh, and I know that I will see “my friends”.
I am not self absorbed enough to think that the greatness of my words can compete with millions of people. I just read what I like, write what I like.
When it becomes work, I cut back.
Anyway, I will link you this time so I dont have to remember the twisted path to getting here!
I’m still looking for an angle. In the meantime, Doug’s regular comments about autocunnilingus, periodic nude photos, and the lyrics to “Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat” seems to reel ’em in at a decent rate.
I think the voice comes when you blog regularly and often, too. As I said in my post to Redd, the inspiration comes to those who show up at the medium, whether it be the blog, the easel, whatever.
And yeah, I think Doug has the voice thing down pat. Because he’s just being himself here. And that is interesting.
Protected Static (what does that name mean, anyway?): two SDs is what, 80%? I slept through medical statistics.
Lyvvie: loved the link. Everyone check out Lyvvie’s link to blender madness. My cuppa.
Redd: you’re welcome. Almost wrote “your welcome,” but Shaina must be in school today, so the error would be wasted.
Dean: write softly but swing a big dick?
Jim: you make me laugh. That’s the main thing I care about.
May: I’m not sure what that means . . . Is that MBA-speak or something?
Lily: But I am self-absorbed enough to think that the greatness of my words can compete with millions of people. Billions, even 😉
SxK: found a great autocunnilingus – autofellatio (yes, it is possible!) site the other day. Want the link? (Must. Remember. Stretching exercises.)(But will he swallow?)
BG: yes, discipline is important. The muse only puts out for regular gigs, I find.
Hell yah, although it probably won’t do me any good. Even after a year of yoga, I am not forward-bendy. I can do the side-to-side twists, and back-arching stuff, but anything that involves leaning forward triggers muy painful muscle spasms under my ribs. On a good day, I can touch my knees.
I blame my children, of course.
‘protected static’ is a geek joke – I’m a programmer, and those are keywords you can use to declare variables in the language I use. Since speech is (still sorta) protected, and blogging is more static than signal, it seemed like a good nom de blog.
As for the stats reference… I just fake it. I work part-time in HIV prevention and my wife is a Clinical Psychologist, so when I saw ‘percentage’ and ‘a lot’ the first thing that popped into my head was “Gee, that oughta be about 2 or 3 standard deviations. But I needed to look it up to be sure…
When I’m having a ‘bad tambo day’ or week, the blog is essentially silent because I can’t conceive that anyone would want to read my whinging and insecure fears. Especially me. It always amazes me that the posts that worry me the most, like the ones about writing organically or not chasing the market, get the best response. I always think they’ll tick folks off. Hasn’t happened yet.
I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, either.
I suppose pretty soon it’s time to bring out more cleavage…
I never give away much of myself, not in real life, and not on my blog.
I attract the history geeks. 😀
sxKitten: Damn! I can’t find it. And you wouldn’t believe how many autofellatio and autocunnilingus sites I searched through 😛
PS: that helps.
Tam: I doubt you’ll do this, but try exposing yourself one day (your FEARS, I mean!) You might be pleasantly surprised by the feedback. I know I’ve been.
Kris. Uh YEAH I’m WAITING 🙂
Gabriele, that’s okay. I know enough about you to keep it interesting. You see, I like to read your blog imagining you wearing nothing more than a strategically positioned targe.
Oh, well, you’ll just have to search again 🙂
Speaking of cleavage, there’s a photo you might be interested in over at Dean’s.
Thanks for this post–it’s a nice reminder to reevaluate things.
The whole impetus for my blog was being tired of writing nice stuff about books I didn’t like on the promotional messageboards. And I’ve pretty well managed that.
But there was also the secondary purpose of pontificating that I’ve kind of let fall by the wayside. Must write more theories.
I’m a little in awe of everybody who blogs about their lives, but I’ve come to terms with the realization that it’s just not me.