Monthly Archives: January 2006


Speaking of religion . . .

Props to Jellio at YesButNoButYes for finding this campaign site for Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, candidate for Governor of Minnesota in 2006:

I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

Thanks for sharing.

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy.

Hmm. That’ll win you some votes.

Why does he call himself “The Impaler”? From his platform:

Any one found committing an act of terrorism in Minnesota will be IMPALED by me at the State Capital. If the US DOJ wants to prosecute me for it, then I will take my chances in Court, for I do not believe an American Jury will convict me of brutally killing a terrorist!

I think this fellow is for real. The site goes on too long, with far too much unfunny material, for it to be anything but real.

So: Kate might give you fur burgers and camel toes this morning, but only I give you vampiric politicians!

Then again, you could just turn on CSPAN.

D.

There are blonde jokes, and then there are blonde jokes

But this one is the best ever. Make sure you read it to the very end.

Oh. My. Gawd.

D.

PS: Stop Alito — sign the petition!

If you’re going to get on your biblical high horse, at least learn how to ride.

Hat tip to Blue Gal for today’s post, Best Bible Lesson Ever. BG has linked to a radio interview (or is it a podcast?) of Don Alexander, a former school principal who has written Darnia’s Quest: A Spiritual Journey to Awaken Your Imagination. (Worst. Title. Ever?) He bills this as a Christian alternative to Harry Potter.

Mind you, he has never read a single one of J.K. Rowling’s books (you’ll need to scroll to the bottom of that MyWestTexas article). He doesn’t need to. And I doubt he has seen Brokeback Mountain, but he has made up his mind about that, too. It’s also quite clear from the interview that he has read only one verse from Leviticus, but he’s not afraid to use it to support his all-consuming fear repressed shameful des — oh, Lord, I can’t say it! hatred of homosexuals.

Hmm. What do they have to say about Alexander’s book over at Amazon?

Christian Alternative to the Harry Potter Series – Five Stars

Quite Simply the best Christian Book for kids out there right now. It has adventure, romance, and a plot so thick that you’ll want to read it again and again. If your child reads Harry Potter, get them hooked on the Dar’s Quest series–then they’ll leave Harry.

And so I asked myself: WWJGD?

Jesus’ General wouldn’t take this lying down. He’d head on over there and post his own review.

Thus:

Disturbing Homo-Erotic undertones – One Star

As a Christian Father of three impresionabel young children, mr.Alexander’s BOok disturbed me greatly. Mind you, we only read (we Read A Loud) the first page, but that was enough to decide me. For shame, mr.Alexander!!!

PS i understand from Your radio Interviws you never read a Harry Potter book, yet you say such bad things. So I dont feel to bad only reading one page of yours.

I’ll let you know if Amazon picks it up. In the meantime, you have your work cut out for you.

D.

Bwahahahhahahahhahahahahha!

Hate National Review Online’s Jonah Goldberg? Think he shames the rest of the tribe? Read this great skit over at alicublog.

By the way, we’re talking about the uvula today over at Wax, Boogers, and Phlegm. Get to know your other “man in the boat.”

D.

Textbook question

File under: shamelessly soliciting (advice)

I’d like to buy a good college biology textbook for my son. My textbook was wonderful, but it also has a 1980 pub date. That might work for math or physics, but biology changes faster than that (especially phylogenetics . . . 1980 is pre-Archaebacteria, if I’m not mistaken).

I’d also like to buy him an American History textbook, high school or college level.

As long as I’m on this topic, we’re going to get to European History after American History — any suggestions for that?

Thanks, folks.

D.

PBW’s new feature

Paperback Writer starts a brand spankin’ new gig:

For this new feature, I’d like to do a weekly variation on the open thread: 20 Questions Friday. You post a writing- or industry-related question in comments, and I’d try to answer it, up to twenty questions max per Friday (any more than 20 and I’ll never get any work done.)

Damn me, all I can think of is something dumb like, “Do you have a pill that will get me to edit ten times faster?”

Hopefully, some of you night owls will step in where I have failed. Pony up those questions, folks! This should be a great feature.

D.

An introduction to tragedy

Yesterday, I caught the end of The Moody Blues’ Nights in White Satin, and it made me think — as it always does — of a summer in the early 1970s, the livingroom of my first house, a slow morning, our old console hi-fi, Derek & the Dominoes’ Layla (the original version, of course, not that acoustic horror Clapton later perpetrated), Nights in White Satin, and the end of John Christopher’s The City of Gold and Lead.

The City of Gold and Lead is the second of Christopher’s Tripods trilogy, which was H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds written down for kids. (A reviewer over at Amazon made that observation, not me. But it irks me to have this pointed out to me thirty-some years later. Damn it, I should have noticed.) The story itself is unimportant. Earth has been subjugated by aliens who roam the planet in giant mechanical tripods. They live in domed cities and enslave human children. A group of friends, all young boys, enter one of the cities as part of a plot to defeat the Tripods . . .

Spoiler alert. (But Christopher wrote the trilogy in the late 60s/early 70s. If you haven’t read it yet, I doubt you will now.)

. . . and some of the kids don’t make it out.

I’m finding it difficult to put into words the magic of that ending. You know how middle books in a trilogy are supposed to be the weakest of the three? Not this one, not for me. The first and third books combined didn’t have one-tenth the impact of this book, all because I had never before read a book with such a sad ending.

I’d read disturbing books before. Julia Cunningham’s Dorp Dead creeped me out, but had (as best I can recall) an uplifting ending. I’d read Golding’s Lord of the Flies, but I don’t think I understood the ending until I reread it as an older teenager. The only comparable experience I’d had was not with a book, but with Nicolas Roeg’s film Walkabout, which I saw at its Los Angeles premiere in 1971 (hey, I got around. And, might I add, Jenny Agutter’s naked body made quite the impression on 9-year-old me). If you’ve never seen Walkabout, I won’t spoil it for you. Find it, rent it. It disturbed me for days. It still disturbs me.

The ending of The City of Gold and Lead didn’t pack the same emotional punch as Walkabout, but I have never forgotten my reaction:

Sadness, of course.

Surprise, that a book could end this way.

More surprise, that a book could make me feel this way.

It changed the way I looked at books. I began to realize how much I enjoyed the emotional reaction evoked in me by a good book, and how pleasurable it could be to feel such powerfully unpleasant emotions.

I’d like to say this was the first of many such experiences, but sadly, for me such books have been few and far between. Yet the ones which have stuck with me are all tragedies.

Your turn.

D.

That was green eggs and ham . . .



Not green ham and eggs.

D.

The new crop

For those of you who like fantasy, SF, and other spec fiction, Tangent has several new reviews:

E. Sedia
reviews “The Dope Fiend” by Lavie Tidhar (SCI FICTION),

Aimee Poynter reviews “The Girl with the Heart of Stone” by Leah Bobet (Strange Horizons),

Paul Abbamondi reviews Amazing Journeys Volume 2, Issue 10,

and I review Challenging Destiny #21.

That ought to keep you busy.

D.

It’s bloody sacrilege!

Offensive language warning*. Skip this first blockquote if you’re easily offended. Hell, skip the whole post.

“Defamer” at Yahoo! News reports, “Bloody Mary” Episode Ensures South Park Guys a Bungalow in Hell:

Perhaps the most outrageous and offensive South Park episode of all time (and that’s really saying something), “Bloody Mary,” which first aired Dec. 7 as this season’s finale, was pulled from the network schedule last night.

Its plot involves a statue of the Virgin Mary, which appears to be miraculously bleeding from its rectum.

Pope Benedict XVI is called in to investigate, and upon discovering the statue is instead hemorrhaging from its vagina, says, ahem, “A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle. Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time.”

Quoting from the E Online article,

Somewhat predictably, the Catholic League was incensed by the satirical portrayal of the Virgin Mary and the pope and by the fact that the episode aired on the day before the Catholic Church celebrated its Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

The conservative group demanded an apology from Viacom, Comedy Central’s parent company, to Roman Catholics everywhere and “a pledge that this episode be permanently retired and not be made available on DVD.”

The Catholic League succeeded, apparently. We may never see this episode again.

Was it tasteless? Yeah. South Park often is. Can I see how this would offend devout Catholics? Sure, but . . . why the hell are they watching South Park in the first place? And is Defamer right that this is “Perhaps the most outrageous and offensive South Park episode of all time”?

Max from PGNX.net says it well:

South Park lambasts homosexuals, transsexuals, Scientologists, vegans, Jews, Mormons, atheists and everyone else under the sun. But suddenly the Catholics are off limits?

They’ve nailed the Catholics before; in “Red Hot Catholic Love,” Trey and Matt skewered the Church on their hypocrisy vis a vis pedophilia. But they don’t pick on the Catholics — that’s Max’s point. They pick on everyone.

My Japanese-American wife isn’t offended by the Chinpokomon episode. I’m not offended by the fact Cartman slams Kyle for being Jewish in every single episode. In “Ike’s Wee Wee”, the writers dealt with circumcision, while in “Jewbilee”, they misrepresented the whole religion. (Jews worship Moses, who appears in the sky as a spinning draedel and demands sacrifices of macaroni art.)

God Himself shows up from time to time on South Park. In case you haven’t seen Him, He looks like this:

Devout Jews (like Moslems, too, if I’m not mistaken) don’t want to see images of God (or Moses, for that matter), so any image is sacrilegious. Depicting God as a freak of genetic engineering? Well, that’s just icing on the cake.

Jesus is a regular character on the show, and (in “Red Sleigh Down”) once used automatic weapons to gun down a bunch of Iraqis who had kidnapped Santa Claus.

AND don’t forget Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.

There’s something in South Park to offend everyone. Is there anyone in the English-speaking universe who doesn’t already know this? I’ve been offended by them, too — not for any of their Jewish jokes, but for their occasional support of questionable political positions. (For example, if I remember correctly, their “Rainforest Schmainforest” episode got my goat.)

Usually, but not always, South Park is funny as hell. That buys them a lot of mileage in my opinion. Tasteless and humorless media deserves the fate it gets — a rapid fall into a cultural black hole. (Does anyone but me remember Joan Rivers’ movie Rabbit Test?) But if you’re funny, hey, I’ll cut you some slack.

It’s not the first thing that comes to mind when I watch South Park, but the show is also a wonderful demonstration of the First Amendment in action. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Do we really need another voice to say, “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it”?

D.

*Maureen, to answer your question: since now.

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