Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Blogwhoring
Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary
The minute, the second I learned that Paris Hilton would keep a prison diary, I said to Karen, “Now, THAT would make a GREAT blog!”
Right away, the comic gears began to turn, and my mind became a kaleidoscope of all the Hilton canards. The pettiness. The vanity. The jealousy. The idiocy. All the Deadly Sins wrapped up in one petite blonde brazilianed package.
And then, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck I discover someone has beaten me to it:
The Inner Thoughts of Paris Hilton
Each post concludes with the ass-bandage,
Disclaimer: This site is intended for parody only and was not created by Paris Hilton nor intended for any purpose other than entertainment.
Coward.
Well, at least now there’s nothing to distract me from finishing my romance and participating in Samhain’s Best First Line contest (see Kate for the full dish). (And don’t forget Kate’s contest where you can, like, win stuff!)
Let’s do us some live-blogging tomorrow night, okay? See ya when I see ya.
D.
Pimp Kate’s ride!
Kate Rothwell, an author Deserving of Far More Recognition But Too Unlucky to Get It©, is having a contest. She’ll send you a free book, and all you have to do is post your review. It doesn’t even have to be a positive review. You could slam it, say it’s not fit for kindling, say that all extant copies should be used to paper the walls of the Museum of Reprehensible Writing, and Kate will still honor the contest. Right, Kate?
Oh, as for the prize: if you post a review, she’ll put your name into a drawing for a $30 dollar gift certificate to the book vendor of your choice; and if you shout out her contest, she’ll put your name into a second drawing for a $30 gift certificate. How easy is that?
For the record, I love Kate’s writing, whether it’s her Summer Devon sex shtick (you know, the guy from the future where all men look like Michelangelo’s David only with a BIG penis) or Kate being Kate (here’s my review of Somebody Wonderful). I thought for sure I had reviewed Somebody to Love, too, but dammit, I can’t find it now. Well, I liked that one too!
So head on over to Kate’s place, read about the contest, and do your thing. Pimp her ride, whatever that means. I am such a square.
And I haven’t forgotten about my contest winners, either. Just lazy — still can’t think of a good prize.
D.
PS: what’s up with Somebody Wonderful not being available? That’s just not right.
Random walk
How many blogs are there in the world?
Sometimes it’s fun to take a random walk. I don’t remember how I found Word Oyster yesterday, but I think I found it by searching ‘anal bleaching.’ I searched for ‘anal bleaching’ because some reader found me that way — and if I remember correctly, my post on anal bleaching was rather negative. Yes, I pooh-poohed the practice.
Sorry.
Tonight, Word Oyster led me to Madeline in the Mirror, the sex-centric blog of Madeline Glass. Current top post concerns the noises Madeline makes in various and sundry situations . . . situations which come in every flavor but vanilla. Madeline steered me towards Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Kinky Virtual Book Tour, which in turn led me (through one or two missteps) to OH. MY. GOD:
See, this is one of those times when I wish I had more hetero male & lesbian readers, because I want y’all to know this website rocks. Here’s their credo:
Project_ISM is an erotic, web-based, self-portraiture project, where women from around the world submit a series of digital photographs that they have shot of themselves naked.
The resulting collection of images is a celebration of the diversity of women – physically, artistically and psychologically. For some women, contributing to the project is purely a creative endevor, for others its a cathartic release of a lifetime of inhibition or maybe just an opportunity to be a hot.net.porn star for a day.
But for everyone who contributes (or sees it), it’s fun.
Tired of spending hours porn-surfing the web, finding nothing but adult movie actresses & wannabes? Want to see some real women having fun with their bods? Project_ISM is for you.
Damn it, now I’m hungry.
D.
PS Don’t miss the video from ISM. I love women!
Real or fake?
Way too much fun. (For a guy, anyway.) From The Sun Online, via Word Oyster . . .
Play “Spot the Bogus Boobs.” I got 7 out of 8 correct. How did you do?
Spend some time over at Word Oyster, by the way. You won’t regret it. And please keep reading down to my next post. My question at the end is no joke.
D.
PS: have an appetite for more? Click on the photo.
Hot Dog
For one of my newer readers, Thorne, a gal who knows her way around tattoos:
From The Noise Board. I don’t know who this woman is, but she’s gorgeous, has a great smile, and loves dogs. Those are more than enough reasons to be featured here at Balls and Walnuts.
Wish I had more for you tonight; I really do. But I’m wiped out. More tomorrow, I promise.
***
I have to add a huge: Woot! to Cap’n Dyke’s spouse Dedra Farmer. We just caught her testimony in a rerun on C-SPAN2. You go, girl!
D.
Last day for the contest (update x 2!)
Scroll down a bit to enter.
Last night, I dreamed I was back at Berkeley (always a pleasant dream!) and I was asking one of the coaches, “Is 45 too old to try out for the wrestling team?” You should have seen the look on his face.
Remember last month’s post on the Body Mass Index? For those of you who are weight-obsessed like me, Monica Jackson has a fine three part series on dieting. Check it out.
Edited to add:
Make sure you check out Blue Gal’s Blogiversary cake TO ME!
And Cap’n Dyke has something special for me, too! Cap’n, ye can stomp me with those black leather boots any time ye pleases.
I had intended to write more tonight, but I’m wiped. Long, loooong week.
***
Quickie medical quiz for the night owls:
(And no fair googling)
Would you rather have saturnism or satyriasis?Â
D.
Hmm. What to write.
New friend Tiggr wants me to contribute some erotica for her Fantasy Friday. When she asked, I wondered whether I might get myself into trouble doing something like that. My patients find this blog every so often, and a number of my pals in nursing lurk here, too.
Then I wondered if it was even possible to get myself into any more trouble than I’m already (potentially) in. Well, I guess so. I could do something unprofessional, like break doctor-patient confidentiality. (Don’t get your hopes up cuz it ain’t gonna happen.) I could pull a Full Monty. I could say snarky things about hospital employees and refer to them by name. See? Lots of naughty things I could do.
With those possibilities in mind, writing some narsty erotica seems tame, doesn’t it?
***
Feeling ill today, which is why I’ve been quiet. More tomorrow.
D.
And a blast from the past.
I’m clickin’ on my blogroll, and since I’m Type A, A for Anally Alphabetical, I like to start at the top, which means good friends like Tam and Suisan get neglected unless I kick myself in the ass and say Y, start with Y this time! Which means I always neglect you folks in the middle. Sorry.
So when I read Beth’s blog, I followed her link to this YouTube of the Solid Gold dancers. I’m not a Solid Gold kinda guy, however, so the video, while quaint, stirred nary a memory. No, I’m a Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert kinda guy. A quick YouTube search yielded this video: Abba singing Mamma Mia on Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert.
Oodles of fun.
D.
PS: Apropos of a certain recent sculpture, Pandagon has a link to Tom Waits’s “Chocolate Jesus.”Â
Antidote to the blues
So I’m thinking maybe I should have kept that last one under wraps indefinitely, eh?
Here. Go look at some cute kitties and puppies.
D.