Thirteen things I miss from my youth

Shaina’s angsty Thirteen made me think about all the things that were great about being young. This is no easy feat, by the way. I could write several Thirteens on what sucked about youth (Shaina, it ends eventually. I guarantee it) but thirteen good things, that’s a different story.

Let’s see how far I get.

1. Morning wood. Sorry, I wrote that one last night.

2. Professional studenthood. My worst grade ever, high school included, was a B+. I’m telling you, I was good at this. And think of all the great things about higher education:

  • You get to hang out with smart people, have great conversations and extremely intelligent sex.
  • You’re always learning new things about the world.
  • No matter how dull or difficult something might be, it will be over in ten weeks or less.
  • Midterms and finals = constant positive reinforcement (assuming you’re good at it. Like ME).
  • College towns have great coffee shops and restaurants

3. The illusion of immortality. We got that slapped out of us early, thanks to Karen’s health, but for a time . . . for a time it seemed we were indestructible. I liked feeling as though I might live forever. I miss it.

4. Responsibilities. I.e., not much. Remember? You had nothing to worry about but your own future. No sick parents, no kids, no spouse. Just you and your friends, and all you ever had to do with your friends was give them an ear to bend.

And now look at you.

5. Firsts. Everything felt new because it was new. It didn’t take much to be surprised; we were like toddlers unleashed upon the world.

The sad thing about this: some of our classmates only took advantage of one new thing — ready access to drugs and alcohol. But there was so much more to experience . . . such as the colonic distress which only three Polish from Top Dog could produce.

6. Potential. This is what I miss the most: the feeling that I had my whole life ahead of me, that I could be anything, do anything, go anywhere, and the only person who could stop me would be me.

Choices propel us forward, of course, but they also take us out on progressively more slender limbs. By the time I had finished college, cultural anthropology was no longer a career option (especially since the prof told me there were no jobs for cultural anthropologists!) And by the time I finished med school, psychiatry was no longer a realistic choice.

Even now, the idea of doing a one- or two-year fellowship (to super-specialize) is intolerable. I think: yeah, sure, if it were just me. But it’s not just me. I would be putting my wife and son through the time commitment and the loss of wages, too.

Doors open, doors close.

7. Friends. Is it just me, or have other people noticed the same thing? I had the most friends when I was an undergraduate. There was a slight drop-off when I went to grad school, and then a big drop-off when I became a resident. It’s all been downhill since then. If it weren’t for the Internet — you folks — I’d only have my wife and son, and the old friends I see less than once a year.

Which is why, in case I haven’t said this lately, I’m grateful to you all.

8. The ability to have sex multiple times each evening. Sometimes with other people, even.

9. Keeping in touch with the music scene has become more difficult the older I get. The internet helps, but it seems to me that I was far more attuned to the avant garde in my 20s than I am now.

Maybe it’s the fact that I STILL don’t like punk or hip-hop . . .

Okay, now it’s getting tough. Told you it would be difficult to come up with thirteen great things about youth. How about,

10. Physical prowess. Only this isn’t exactly true. As I wrote here, I’m in better shape now than I was in my twenties. And I wrote that post in 2006. I’ve been working out ever since then, so now I’m in even better shape.

Nevertheless, I recall feeling that I was young and strong and able to do whatever I set out to do (physically), provided it didn’t involve team sports. Nowadays, my body fights me with every workout.

11. Poverty. Hey, don’t knock it. It’s kind of nice being able to move all your possessions using the smallest U-Haul — and the only reason you need that is the fact your mattress and desk won’t fit into your trunk. Sell those, ship your books, and you could move across country in a VW Bug.

Nowadays, I’m saddled with a ton of junk. Anyone want the carved front door we inherited with our house, the one that’s so ugly, replacing it was one of our first remodeling priorities?

12. Student loans. Free money from the government! Did I mention it was free? Because, jeez, we couldn’t be bothered to think about our 30-year-old selves paying off that money. That was like old.

Just paid off all my loans in 2005, I think. Aaaaah.

And how could I forget,

13. Young love. Of course it’s painful and maddening and ridiculous. But have you ever felt so truly alive?

So: what do you miss the most? Tell me in the comments, and I’ll give you the lurve. Which is a poor substitute for youth, but it’s all I have to give.

dan has puppies! Well, a puppy. But where there’s one, others are sure to follow.

Tracy’s eyes are bleeding. Either that, or Marilyn Manson just visited her blog.

Tam, at least one of your problems could be solved with a bulldozer

microsoar, please consider a minor edit on your post today:

The main event is the 30 min lap dance. To win required a combination of raw speed/strength and a willingness to lean into the corners… hard.

What do you think?

Shaina’s tired. Get some sleep, girl!

four word cure for Pat: hair of the dog

D.

10 Comments

  1. dcr says:

    Miss the most? How about answers? When you were young, there were definite answers. If the textbook said it was true, it was true. If you had a debate with a friend, a lookup in the encyclopedia resolved it.

    Nowadays, you have to try to figure out the agendas of the textbook and encyclopedia editors and writers to determine whether or not you trust their answers. And, your friend may not agree with your determination, and believe in another set of books.

    Which I guess is the way things have been for thousands of years but, in your youth, all you know is to trust the printed word.

  2. I miss effortless beauty, taut skin, and sleep. I think I miss sleep as much as I miss my ideals.

    I miss young love, too. I miss the intense, soul-deep meaning of a mixed tape.

    I also miss making out with boys whose names I didn’t quite catch.

  3. tambo says:

    Fearlessness. With enough conviction, resilience, and blunt determination anything was possible, even escape to a new and brighter world. And, with little holding you back, you weren’t afraid to TRY.

  4. microsoar says:

    What is this recent downer streak all about, Doug?

    Anyhoo…. I sort of miss having friends who could just up and decide to do something – and do it – on the spur of the moment without having to “schedule” it around the responsibility load. I miss the spontenaety of youth, I guess.

    Young love – and the resulting angst are nice to remember, but I think I prefer the perspective on relationships your first half-century provides.

    Poverty and morning wood I still have. Does the one make up for the other? Hmmm…

  5. shaina says:

    ok, ok, you got me. yes, there’s a lot of good about being where i am. and i said as much, did i not? and i know in twenty years i’ll look back at sophomore year and say, well, it might’ve been tough at times, but what i wouldnt give to be 20 again.

    but living in it? at this moment? when i have a paper to write for a course i hated, and am sitting alone in my dorm room far away from the object of my “young love”…it kind of sucks. sometimes the bad just overwhelms the good. and then i write angsty posts. *sigh*

  6. Walnut says:

    dan: what do you mean? I have all the answers. Hang out with me long enough and you will, too.

    Tracy: never got to make out with a girl whose name I didn’t catch. Damn it.

    Tam: and then the world intruded, he?

    microsoar: What, didn’t I put in enough sex jokes to blunt my middle-aged angstiness?

    shaina: as I said at the outset, there are many more bad things than good things about youth. Overally, it’s nice getting older and putting all of that behind me.

    Now, if only we docs can get around to solving this old age infirmity thing . . .

    I’ll get y’all your lurve this evening, okay? gimme some time.

  7. Stamper in CA says:

    I think everyone has to miss the carefree/no responsibilities aspect of our youth. I too miss that whole “everything before you” aspect of being young, but I have to say, I enjoy the “older/wiser” aspect of where I am now. What would really be nice is if I didn’t have so many frigging old age spots and more elasticity.

  8. KGK in Geneve says:

    Yep, for me it’s the potential. I think I’ve whinged on before about “if this is what I wanted, why aren’t I more excited about it”. One could be almost anything (I never liked the bromide about being President), but in the end one will only be a few things. Sort of sad to contemplate what might of been (of course, one always assumes it would have been something cool and sexy, not something awful).

    The not knowing any better was also cool. Not being so worried about the bad “what ifs” but focussing on the good outcomes. I’ve read that the brain continues to develop, especially in the area of understanding cause and effect into one’s 20s, which explains some of the dumb ass stuff I did back then.

    The being only responsible for yourself (or feeling that way – in reality one was already webbed into links and responsibilities, but just didn’t see/care) was great. No consulting the spouse. No moving because of school districts. But then there’s all the negative aspects of being alone too.

    Now, however, I’m much nicer, much kinder, and much less worried about what other people think. I know that unpleasant interactions aren’t always all about me. It’s someone having a bad day, me being overly sensitive (i.e. having a bad day), me being a dick, them being a dick, or just a simple misunderstanding and pretty much unless it involves harm to me or mine, I move right on. I’m not trying to impress people and am pretty happy with the person I am.

    Doug, good for you for working out regularly! It’s next on my list after learning French…

  9. Pat J says:

    One thing I don’t miss from my younger days: getting really really drunk. I am hurting this morning…

  10. microsoar says:

    What do I think? I think I would really like to be able to truthfully write that.