Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Better living through drugs
I’m better today. Really, I am. Last night, I tanked up on meds (all strictly legal) and got the first decent night’s sleep I’ve had in a week — at least six hours, give or take. Had the ER called me to see a patient, I would have called 911 so that the ambulance would bring me in. “I’m here!” I would have told the shocked ER staff. “But you’ll have to fix me first!”
But I knew what I needed. Heal thyself, yatta yatta. I forced myself to drink 2.5 liters of water and felt MUCH better for it. I can’t emphasize this enough to my patients (and to y’all): with upper respiratory tract infections, and especially with sore throats, push fluids like crazy. Last night, it was all that kept me from a trip to the ER.
Forcing down 2.5 liters was a bitch, however. It would have been easier to admit myself to the hospital and write my own orders: IV fluids, steroids, antibiotics, and a nice walloping dose of narcotics to suppress the cough. It would have been more fun — some of those ER nurses are damned cute.
Karen’s a bit better, too; these new opiate patches are doing wonders for her pain. Now if only we could do something for the nausea which accompanies the patches. Or, at least we think the nausea is a medication side effect. I bought a home pregnancy test kit today to play it safe. (No, it would not be a good thing if Karen were pregnant. You don’t want to know all the weird meds she takes. And, believe me, I have the clinical background to know what this stuff does to fetuses. Not cool.)
To all you proofreaders out there (um, SHAINA!) sorry if there are errors here. My eyes are half-lidded. I’m going to take a nap before tonight’s Medical Executive Committee meeting; if I don’t nap now, I’ll probably do it during the meeting.
D.
😛 i didnt catch any errors, doug…
i hope you get better and that i do too–i have a sore throat and cough but i have a HUGE concert tomorrow night with my a capella group and they NEED me to be better–and that Karen’s better too. the mother of a childhood friend has very severe MS, so i sort of third-handedly know what you’re going through. sort of.
*luck*
Glad you’re feeling better. Hey, at least I’m not the only one peeing on sticks worrying about a three-headed baby.
M
Good luck with a capella tomorrow, S.
M, it’s the no-headed babies who give me nightmares.
Supposedly, since I’m in ESRD, I can’t get pregnant. But then, I’m not supposed to even menstruate. Wrong on that one. But really, I can’t get pregnant – I’m not having sex.
My favorite anti-nausea med is Reglan. Phenergan is NASTY.
Glad you’re feeling a little better, Doug. Hugs & **smooches** to both of you.
And because laughter’s the best medicine:
It’s phallic, and it’s food–unsurprisingly, it made me think of you.
Cucumber sandwiches
Darla, that’d make a great title for a blog. “It’s Phallic, and it’s Food!”
I am a proponent of water as a general beverage. It’s all-round good for you and we don’t drink enough of it. I feel better when I’m well-hydrated. But 2.5 litres, whew. That means a few trips to the bathroom.
Dear Dr. Hoffman,
Do they have any parches for unchecked sex drives in women in their forties?
I tried drinking all that water, but it just made me have to dismount my husband and visit the loo right in the middle of everything.
Thank you.
Erin Elizabeth O’Brien
Erin, you want to decrease your sex drive? Are you crazed, woman? You get points, btw, for finally figuring out that I’m a doctor. (Don’t worry. I don’t get no respect. No respect at all.)
Darla, what happens if the outer cucumber ruptures mid-bite? Does your mouth get inundated with cuke seeds?
nox, yeah, sex is kinda mandatory here. No one tell Mary Cheney.
Dean — a FEW trips to the bathroom? But since I haven’t felt well enough to go to the gym, I have to get my exercise somehow.