Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Who wants to read the first 3500 words . . .
of my ‘romantica’ story, Sloppy Firsts?
Already I see a problem. 3500 words, and no one has gotten laid. I’m thinking I don’t understand this genre, which isn’t surprising, since I’ve never read this genre.
This is Miss Kate’s idea, by the way. She’s the one who encouraged this. She and my muse, whom I gave permission to write about anything today, and what does she do? 3500 words. Damn. For me, that’s a pretty fine day’s work.
If you’re at all interested, let me know. Especially if you WRITE this stuff yourself. Email me (azureus at harborside dot com.) If I’m way off base, I’d like to know before I invest much more time in this project.
On the other hand, I haven’t had this much fun with writing in months.
D.
HA! I saw your comment on the Smart Bitches about trying out Romantica. Go Doug! I think you should finish it.
But I’m going at it back-asswards. I’ve never read the stuff.
My wife’s crit on what I’ve written so far: the male love interest is too much of a doofus. Women will only fall in love with capable men.
Hey, this is turning into a Smart Bitches Day post, isn’t it?
Hey, I recently read a couple of romantica e-books, so I’m practically an expert [har har]. In other news, I finished my Brazilian Waxing Adventure post.
I’d try to imbed it, but they don’t seem to work for me in wordpress.
http://shelbisblog.wordpress.com/2006/05/29/brazilian-wax-part-2/
Don’t worry, Doug, we’ll help you. First of all, I think he should cook for the heroine because you’re so passionate about food and it’s the perfect set-up for seduction. And your wife is right. The hero can’t be a doofus. He can have an endearing Clark Kent side, but underneath he must be the Man Of Steel. *g*
Brilliant, Charlene! I was wondering where I could work in some lovable qualities.
Shelbi, I’m on my way. Hey, everyone, Shelbi’s waxing her pubes! No pictures, but the description is almost as good!
Writing pr0n is fun, ain’t it? If my writing muscles are dormant (as they have been) I often get back into the swing of things by writing something to get the sxKitten heated up. She seems to enjoy it.
In spite of that, I’m not much of a judge of female-targetted pr0n. Still, I’d be happy to read it.
LOL, romantica with no nookie? Are you sure you’re categorizing it correctly? 🙂
Still, I’m a sucker for WIPs (there’s no H in that, you perv), so send it on.
Darla, Dean, check your mail 😉
It’s not pr0n. Not yet, anyway. I do have lots of fun sex in mind, but I’m working up to it.
Hey, I’m also writing a romance. Sort of. Except that I’ve read more than my fair share and that the ending will likely get me slaughtered by reviewers everywhere.
Hit the enter button too soon.
And good luck!
May, are you talking an everybody dies ending, or just one without the obligatory 6 kids and kitchen table nookie which I can never figure out how they manage without scarring all those kids for life, or why they’re all so hot about the freaking kitchen table? Because that last I can do without, but I really need a warning if you’re going to kill off somebody I’ve been caring about.
Geez, everybody sends me stuff to read all at once! I’ll get to it shortly, Doug. Looking forward to it.
I’ve learned my lessons well, thanks to y’all.
I can’t skip out on the HEA, as much as I might love tragedy.
I know that having the two protags end up with other people, no matter how much they might be happy with those other people, is NOT an HEA.
No major character-killings planned for Sloppy Firsts (loathesome title, eh?) but I do plan on putting some action into it.
Now that I have a clear idea about it all (new motto: Just Ask me) I’ll read it.
Your title is genius.
Completely off topic:
Here is a great piece about chicken hawks
One of my favorite bits:
Tommy Franks recently trotted out the classic bit of misdirection, attacking critics of Donald Rumsfeld.
“I don’t care about your politics. I don’t. Don Rumsfeld is an American patriot.”
Yes, well, that’s lovely. But we’re not criticizing his patriotism. We’re criticizing his job performance. One of the great mysteries of the last six years was how and when the Bush Administration turned public policy into Special Olympics. “Oh, I know Donny knocked over all the hurdles, but HE LOVES THE RACE, so you SHUT YOUR FILTHY, CYNICAL MOUTH.” Jesus H. Christ.
you inspired my ru post today. . . don’t forget to make something important at stake.
Go Doug, GO!
And I’m not sure that Sloppy Firsts is any worse than a myriad of other titles I’ve seen.
What an Earl Wants being the the clunker that leaps to mind first. A romance which brings up images of Christina Aguilera? Yeck.
I will side with Kate_R in saying that it’s a disgustingly brilliant title.
Sloppy Firsts it is, then.
Heh. Almost typed Sloppy Fists. Maybe that’ll be the uncensored version.
Anyway, Sloppy Firsts (Sloppy Frists?) is apropos, since the male protag is a 25-year-old virgin. Somehow, I think The 25-year-old Virgin lacks thunder 😉
Kate, I’ll send it to you this evening.
Hi Doug-
I’m a longtime reader of anything I can get my hands on, and have a long history of honest yet constructive criticism – I was an art major and writing minor in college. So, I’d love to see what you’ve written, if you still need more readers.
Sloppy Firsts is the title of the novel that Kaava Withthelongname girl ripped off.
See, how scandals stick? I can remember the book title and the first name of the plagiator, but not the name of the author of the original. Sad, isn’t it? 😉
Ack! Gabriele is right. Sloppy Firsts is taken. Oh, well, I’m gonna keep it as a working title. We’ll come up with something else later.
Renee, thanks. Check your mail 😉
I’ve finished, and I must say it’s a pretty smooth read. I’m not sure how female-centric it is, though. I want to keep reading, in an oh-boy-these-two-are-gonna-do-it hawt-sex! kinda way.
Mind you, I think that a lot of people (not just women) are realizing that the old stereotype that women want gauzy curtains and candles and sex being a series of breathless, sweet sighs through a soft-focus lens isn’t true any more. Women like graphic sex as much as men, but they want it to make at least some sense. Men are happy with the Penthouse letters “I never thought it would happen to me but the cheerleading team next door came over and (insert description of wildly unlikely sex act here)”.
Pr0n is evolving. People aren’t willing to accept the old wham-bam stuff. They want plot and characterization and background and detail with their graphic sex.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying that I thought that the first 3500 words were pretty good, and I loved the description of Ms. Gonzales’ pudenda. Speaking from a male perspective, it didn’t bother me that the protag was a klutz.
I guess the most important thing is that I want to keep reading.
Oh, and I *hate* the title.
Thanks, Dean. The title is a work in progress all by itself. Titles have always given me trouble.
I wrote another 1050 words last night, which is a good sign. It means I might have gotten out of my write-only-on-the-weekend rut. When I finish chapter 2, I’ll send it out.
I’ll read it when Karen says it’s good. So there.
I don’t know if you want to use Karen as your metric on this, BG. Quote: “I only like period romances because people always act like stupid idiots in romances. Since it’s in the past, you can forgive them by saying, ‘Well, folks back then, they had their heads up their asses.’ You can suspend disbelief. With contemporary romances, it’s harder to suspend disbelief.”
FWIW, I think you would enjoy it.ÂÂ
What, people nowadays can’t have their heads up their asses? I would have thought it was MORE likely today…
They can and do. I think she finds it harder to forgive contemporary characters for their rectocrania problems.
Personally, I just categorize myself as smut writer. I fail to understand the need for euphemisms. I settle for Erotic Fiction, or maybe Erotic Romance, but that’s as far as I let it go.
Essentially, it’s little more than classic romance with extremely explicit and well written sex. That’s all. Anything else is smoke and mirrors. And a sheer waste of the reader’s time.
The true test of a good smut story is whether or not it got you so wet you had to do something about it.
Send me an excerpt and I’ll let you know how you’re doing. I’m never too busy to get off. :))
(Not flirting there btw, I do realize you’re married.)
xx Isabella
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