Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Thirteen books I’ll never finish
Wherein I get in touch with my inner Philistine.
1. Europe, A History by Norman Davies. Too many words. Besides, nothing much has happened in Europe for the past two millennia.
2. The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. Why should I read this? I watched the movie.
3. The Seven Pillars of Wisdom by T.E. Lawrence. Ditto. You know what’s interesting about this book? Lawrence felt it necessary to address the homosexuality issue right on page one.
4. The Danzig Trilogy by Gunter Grass. Because life is depressing enough as it is.
5. The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Short Stories. It seemed like such a good idea: read Doyle’s classic mysteries and develop my forearm muscles at the same time.
6. The Best American Short Stories of the Century, edited by John Updike and Katrina Kenison. I wondered if every story’s ending would make me go, “Huh?” After the fourth or fifth one, I gave up.
7. Tractate Berachos I and II. Every Jewish boy, no matter how agnostic, secretly desires to be a Talmudic scholar. To my credit, I made a dent in Volume 1.
8. King Rat and Perdido Street Station by China Mieville. I want to like Mieville. I really do. There must be some reason why he’s so popular. All the elements are there: good words, good sentences, good paragraphs. And yet, with each book, I gave up after less than 100 pages because I simply didn’t care.
9. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. I don’t know what I was thinking. I read Albert Zuckerman’s Writing the Blockbuster Novel and took his advice on what to buy. (The Godfather is a fine novel. The Thorn Birds, Gone with the Wind, and The Man from St. Petersburg? Meh.)
10. Pierre by Herman Melville. I once asked my college English teacher, “What was the most depressing English-language book ever written?” She asked her colleagues, and they came up with Pierre. I couldn’t get past page one. Not that it’s depressing . . . it’s boring. And while I’m tempted to put Moby Dick on the list, too, I’m reluctant. There’s all that homoerotic stuff concerning Queequeg, the huge South Sea Islander who is never without his harpoon . . . GUFFAW! Damn, I have to finish Moby Dick some day.
11. John Updike’s Rabbit novels. A patient gave me the collection and told me, “You’ll love these,” which only underscores one of the basic truths of medicine: Your patients don’t really know you.
12. Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town by Cory Doctorow. I liked Doctorow’s Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom so much that I bought this one in hard cover. But, but, but . . . the protag’s mom is a washing machine: “Alan’s mother rocked harder, and her exhaust hose dislodged itself.” And that’s just a tidbit.
I thought I liked strange, but this novel surpassed my tolerance for absurdity. I’m sorry. For me, a fantasy world should make sense. It should have rules. Doctorow’s world may have had rules, but I never made it that far.
Great cover art, though.
And last but not least . . .
13. The Lord of the Rings. How many times have I tried to finish this trilogy? A skazillion. Most recently, I made it about halfway, and then Tom Bombadil killed my reading pleasure.
That’s it for now, folks. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m starting to run out of Thursday Thirteen ideas. I’m open to suggestion.
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Darla invites us into her magic garden
JMC dishes up a smorgasbord of memories
D.
Doug, you’re too old to read LOTR. Sorry. My theory is that only people under 25 have the patience to wade through all those pages and pages and pages of description to get to the paragraphs of action. Stick with the movies–you’ll be happier. 🙂
And GWTW? My daughter’s been reading it once a year since she was 12. Which explains so much about her.
My 13’s up, along with a new theory. Carl’s in Belgium for the week, I’m getting harrassed over a volunteer job, and I’ve got month-old emails I haven’t answered yet. So naturally, I’m spending all my time blogging. *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Sorry, Darla, but I am forced by circumstances to disagree with you since I, myself, finished LOTR for the first time when I was 35, shortly after the first Jackson movie came out. I’d started it twice before, once in my teens, once in my twenties, but never made it to the third volume.
Darn. Another theory crashed. And so quickly, too. 🙂 Maybe it’s just me that became way more impatient with books as I got older.
Maybe I’m the exception that proves the rule?
FWIW, I read it shortly after my son was born. Since I was spending several hours a day doing my best impression of a Holstein, I got a lot of reading done.
I enjoyed “Someone Comes to Town etc”, but I must admit, it’s easily the weirdest premise I’ve ever had to wrap my head around.
I also found these images went well with the novel.
And I’ve never read LOTR. I got about halfway into book 2 once, and thought, My, what a lovely travelogue, but there’s not much in the way of action, is there? and set it aside forever.
are you going to read Glenn Greenwald’s book? I preordered it . . .How about Kos’s?
Pat: very cool that someone liked the book well enough to create all that artwork. Wow.
Kate: I read Kos’s book and liked it. Just couldn’t think of anything intelligent to say about it that hasn’t already been said. As for Glenn’s book . . . I’m thinking about it. His writing is often superb, but sometimes he can be pretty dry.
I read GWTW at least a dozen times as a teenager and thought it was an excellent book. As an adult, I can’t manage to get past the first chapter. Tolkien — read The Hobbit, have never managed to finish more than the first quarter of The Fellowship of the Ring. Otherwise, haven’t read anything else on your list. I feel illiterate.
My 13 are up: http://jmcarr2001.livejournal.com/54390.html
Hmmmm I was forced to read The Hobbit for grade 9 English class, and I liked it enough to read LOTR, although I don’t think I ever finished ROTK….
As for #12, that sounds so strange I’ll have to pick it up and give it a try. 🙂
How about next week you could do a “Books I’ll never bother to read, and the reasons behind my prejudice.” as I find myself constantly snubbing very good books because I have a blah feeling about it.
I say this because, although LOTR is a wonderful series that’s made millions happy, I’m a bit blah about it and will probably never bother. My loss?
I ask you to help me not feel like a literary humbug.
Also, I can’t finish a Sherlock Holmes either – I was so shocked by his being a drug addict, I haven’t been able to get past it. I should respect it, but it sticks every time.
Two I’ve never been able to get through:
Mark Helprin’s “Winter’s Tale.” This is the kind of book I usually absolutely love. I’m a sucker for magic realism, and this novel falls in that category, has more good reviews than you can count, and was a Pulitzer finalist. I’ve made three attempts to get through this thing since it was published, and I’ve never been able to get passed page 100.
Thomas Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow.” I loved “V,” and GR is known as Pynchon’s masterpiece … but I just was having trouble getting through it. Then I found a quote from Pynnhon in which he said something like: “I was so fucked up when I wrote that book that I look back on it now, and I don’t know what I meant.” And I immediately put the book down and never went back. Maybe someday.
Oh, two more: “Dune” and “The Left Hand of Darkness,” both of which I tried to read twice.
Advice: Skip the Tom Bombadil chapter, and the rest of LOTR flows much better. The guy it utterly irrelevant to the entire plot, save to serve as a convenient resting spot.
I know, Becca, I know. But I’m too damned compulsive. I have a hard time skipping over stuff!
I’ve got my own list of books I’ll never finish (though Hero with a Thousand Faces isn’t one…I liked it AND the movie, they were different experiences), but Darla’s comment struck a chord with me on how sometimes there are stories you have to read when you’re young in order to “get” them or like them. For me, The Catcher in the Rye is one such book. I fear the LOTR trilogy is another because I can’t seem to get into them, either. I keep thinking they should be right up my alley due to my general interest in mythology , but somehow they stay at the end of my alley if not walk in the other direction all together.
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[…] Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town is easily the weirdest novel I've ever read. I enjoyed it, too. As opposed to Doug, who seems to have disliked it for some of the reasons I liked it. Oh well. Diff'rent strokes etc. […]