Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Erection during waxing
I love, love scanning SiteMeter to see what searches are leading y’all to Balls and Walnuts.
Surprisingly, I’m only #3 (and #4, and #5) on an MSN search for “walnuts for penis health.” Is this what PBW means when she talks about branding?
Lots of folks who find me by searching for “sex contest” are doubtless disappointed by our Good Bad Sex Contest. I suspect they would have preferred that erotica site with the story about the two women, each working on the other’s husband to see who could make the other gal’s guy come for the third time first. Hey, I sympathize. I’d like to find that site again, too.
And this sex contest — to see how long you can go without sexual gratification of any kind whatsoever — what kind of sick mind would think of that?
I have no explanation why a Google search for taliban missile launching system donkey balls brings people here first. It brings you to one of my wife’s posts . . . I don’t know if I have the heart to tell her. Maybe I’ll just tell her she comes up first in a Google search for “taliban missile launching system” and conveniently forget the donkey balls.
Fortunately, Karen’s oeuvre does not appear on a simple “donkey balls” search. “George W. Bush sucks donkey balls” does, however.
“Erection during a lap dance” and “erection during waxing” will both lead you to me. I’ve never had a Brazilian, but I imagine I would do it if it meant, oh, as little as 2% more sex per annum. (I’m easy. I’m also a masochist.) Would I get an erection? Generally speaking, my wiener behaves himself during massages, so I doubt a Brazilian would get his attention, unless it’s this Brazilian.
“Erection during waxing” led me to this discussion board on Brazilian waxing. While searching for the question, “How do I get my wife to agree to a Brazilian,” I discovered this post on a skin tear during waxing:
I was trying to do a modified bikini wax on myself and I was waxing the labia majora and instead of the strip removing wax and hair, it was pulled with much force, and it tore the inner skin of the labia majora where it meets the labia minora (in the valley so the speak). It bled so much and man did that ever hurt. But what now?
One reply:
Woah….I’ll bet it did hurt. Ripping your snapper to threads is no laughing matter.
Um, if you don’t want it to be a laughing matter, don’t call it a “snapper.”
rippedlabia gets some good medical advice, but there’s a bozo in every crowd:
You should try using Tea Tree Oil… it is antifungal, antiseptic, and has a natural numbing agent. Maybe even a bit of polysporin.
Hey, maybe some Vitamin E. Try some aloe. Have a shaman dance around your “snapper.” It could work!
You know what bums me out, though? Over at Google, I’m not on the first page of search results for anal bleaching. It ain’t bloody fair.
D.
NOTE ADDED IN PROOF:
Why, God, why didn’t I try to match at that Rio de Janeiro Program in Otolaryngowaxology?
I’ve been thinking about doing a post on all of the weird searches that bring people to my site. Somehow or another, when people search for “my hot wife” or “photos of my hot wife” they get my site. Um…flattered but I’m pretty sure I’ve never written about that in a post.
Okay the bikini wax thing? Sheer torture. Why oh why do women go through with this? You are ripping many hairs at once from a very delicate area. Did you think that would go well? Hello???
Too bad about the anal bleaching. I’d think that would be a winner.
Oh, but the shaved look is SO DAMNED HOT.
You know it’s true.
Almost no one finds me via websearch, unless they search for sum-of-me or something. I’ve had some people find me through a Yahoo search for “beth’s blog”, which kinda cracks me up. But the best has to be that I randomly happened to catch this one on my site meter: Someone in New Brunswick found my blog by going to malaysia.search.yahoo.com and just typing in the word “beth”. My blog shows up as about the 430th result.
New Brunswick. Using a Malaysian search engine. Search for “Beth”. 430th-ish result. Someone was WAY bored.
Surprisingly, I’m only #3 (and #4, and #5) on an MSN search for “walnuts for penis health.†Is this what PBW means when she talks about branding?
Um….
All those no sexers need to go here instead:
http://www.masturbate-a-thon.com/index.htm
It’s for real. And I think some things should be private.
Between bouts of coughing, wheezing, sneezing and generally feeling sorry for my poor sick self, I haven’t done any blog-hopping for a couple of weeks.
And this is one of the first posts I see upon my return to the blogosphere.
It’s left me speechless, coughless, wheezeless and sneezeless.
Thanks Dr. Doug! 😉
>>Oh, but the shaved look is SO DAMNED HOT.
Are we talking men or women? Because I’ve always found that that little thatch of hair at the base is the only thing giving the erect male critter any dignity.
Blue Gal: at last, a sport I could handle!
heh heh heh
Pat, you’re doing entirely too much right brain thinking. Genitalia do not stand up to intense scrutiny.
Good morning, the rest of you!
I would just like to point out that blogspot is being a summabitch so you can gloat about this site operating so well.
There.
A chance for you to gloat like a Floridian watching the Weather channel during a nor’easter/blizzard.
Blue Gal:
I think this could be the greatest fundraiser ever for schools concerned with keeping kids healthy and drug-free! Thank you for the link!
You should see the search words and phrases my gostats account saves for me. It’s frightening and I permit myself an egregious chuckle when I think about how I disappointed them when they mistakenly went to my blog hoping to find bestiality.
Btw, I have two new posts up, for those of you tuning in late. First, MoDo’s shorts sabbatical is over and not a moment too soon since she’s back giving the Bush madministration hell from the NY Times. I have her newest up at my place, for those of you who also loathe the NY Times’ Select bullshit.
Seondly, I have some original material of my own up about the unrest in Iraq and how it all seems to devolve on Bush’s idiosyncratic definition of “civil war.†It may appear to mirror the Dowd screed but the truth is I didn’t even read her article before I’d posted it until after I’d posted my take.
Anyway, enjoy and stayed tuned tomorrow as I’ll have a kick-ass post out by early tomorrow night that draws a parallel between the Cheney, er, Bush administration and McHale’s Navy, with photoshopped pics by none other than the incredible Dood Abides of My Left Wing/DKos fame! Ciao!
Anal bleaching sounds like something that would be on invasionofuranus.com