Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
I love Jeff Corwin
. . . with a quiet, manly kind of love. You know, the way John Ireland loved Montgomery Clift in Red River — no, wait, that’s not quite right. I dig Corwin the way Sal Mineo dug Jimmy Dean in Rebel Without a Cause . . . no, no, no, that’s not it either.
Maybe I love him the way Claude Rains loves Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca — hey, wait, you mean that’s gay, too? (See David Thomson’s essay, Film Studies: Gay films? Well there’s ‘Raging Bull’ and ‘The Godfather’ for starters…)
Well, I certainly don’t love him the way Laurence Olivier loves Tony Curtis in Spartacus, or the way Jake Gyllenhaal loves Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. Damn it all, aren’t there any role models in Hollywood for good, beefy, MASCULINE love?
Hmm. Maybe I love him the way Jake Barnes loves his fishin’ buddy Bill Gorton in The Sun Also Rises. I can always count on Papa Hemingway for confidently heterosexual male-male bonding, right? Right.
Anyway, I owe this gush of enthusiasm for Jeff Corwin to my son, who found this repository of Jeff Corwin video clips. They’re all great, but we especially enjoyed Jeff’s “Never before seen movie segments!”
So, Jeff, I love ya ‘cuz your heart is in the right place, you care about animals, you’re a ham like me, and you’re funny as hell.
That and the fact you’re so damned hawt.
Jeff, I wish I knew how to quit you.
D.
P.S.: If you want a serious treatment of the history of gay themes in Hollywood cinema, you can do no better than The Celluloid Closet, 1995. Great stuff.
How about Redford and Newman in The Sting, or indeed in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?
Eddie Murphy and Mike Myers in Shrek?
How about the way the guy who is the host loves the guy who does all the work in “This Old House”?
How about the way James Garner loves Julie Andrews in Victor Victoria? Everyone just thought they were gay…
You’re already an honorary woman, Douglas. You can be hot for anyone you want. BTW I became an honorary Jew in 1983. I can decorate a sukkoth with the best of ’em, and my noodle kugel (sweet, not savory) rocks.
Stephen: Shrek and Donkey? Oh, that’s just wrong. ;o)
Maureen: that’s Norm and whatsisname (the one that got thrown off the program for doing too many product endorsements off-contract). Definitely.
Ky: I think you’d have to be gay to love Julie Andrews, in drag or out.
Blue gal: savory noodle kugel is an offense against God and nature. It has to be sweet, with lots of cinnamon, raisins, and a huge dollop of sour cream.
That is totally gay.
Eric Cartman
Errol Flynn and Alan Hale (Little John) in The Adventures of Robin Hood
William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelly in any Star Trek
Dan Akroyd and John Belushi in The Blues Brothers
Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in the Road movies
Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder in Stir Crazy
you guys have to expand your numbers–menages are all the rages these days. the three stooges and abbott and costello = A fivesome.
The entire brat pack.
or some swapping maybe? barney fred, wilma and betty. The marriages were just fronts, don’t you know.
Hm. I see Barney as a top. Otherwise, Fred would crush the poor guy.
Oh, hey! Don’t forget the Captain and his li’l buddy Gilligan. And we all know the Professor was blowing Mr. Howell for the money.
The Magnificent Seven.
Or the Seven Samurai. Whoa…
The Lone Ranger and his bottom, Tonto.
ohhhhh…and of course, Clint Eastwood and Billy Curtis in High Plains Drifter.
Kate, you are so un-PC. Why do you assume Tonto was the bottom?
Duh. Tops are the ones who get to wear the mask, right?
You guys need to watch yer Robin Hood again. It’s Errol Flynn’s Robin Hood and Will Scarlett who obviously get it on. Will complains one morning to Robin about not sleeping because of a pine cone, and plays the lute while Robin fights Little John. Pretty fairy, he.
Kate R is having way too much fun here. Does she need a spank? Can I help?
Only if I get to watch, Blue Gal. Of course, you two can take turns on me, if ya like.
Oh there ya go. Keith Olbermann has first dibs on the two on one, but we’ll get you on the dance card eventually. xoxo