Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Tonight,
I’m feeling tired and discouraged and down. I didn’t sleep well last night and there’s no obvious explanation why. I’m beginning to realize that my friend Mike is correct, and that I have no urge to write because I’m generally happy with everything, job, family, etc., except I miss the writing and I fear the complacency of comfort, but I dread upheavals and change, especially now that things are finally settling into a routine. I can’t possibly want to be miserable just to stimulate the muse, can I?
Mostly I’m feeling whiny.
Patients keep asking me what I do for fun. This makes me feel like a very boring individual because what do I do? I hang out with my family. I read, I surf the net. I work out (which isn’t exactly fun). I’m tempted to say that I raise spitting cobras, or I’m a mountain climber, or that I’m researching a book on Craig’s List prostitution. (I do read Craig’s List personals for the yucks — does that count?)
My patient who hates Bakersfield came back to see me today and wanted to know how was I settling in, how did I like Bako, what was I doing for fun. I think she wanted me to admit to being horribly miserable here. Truth is, now that the weather has cooled, my number one gripe has evaporated.
I’m not even coughing anymore. Took five weeks to get over that horrid bug, but Jake and I are finally back to full health.
I think I just need a good night’s sleep.
D.
I hate when people ask me what ‘m doing for fun now because I am always at a loss to answer. People thnk that since I don’t work, I must have lots of free time. Let’s see – dialysis exchnge every 4 to 6 hours, then meals every 4 to 5 hurs,. Add in the sometimes bone aching fatigue – there’s not too much of the day left.
You and my wife, nox 🙁
Like I told some of my coughing, hacking coworkers a few weeks ago, while I was coughing and hacking too: I appreciate being sick as a dog because it makes me appreciate my health the rest of the time.
Yeah, I have no right to whine.
It’s Maslow’s hierarchy of needs! Glad you are over the cold, the move, and the heat.
People don’t often ask me what I do for fun – maybe it was the blank stare I gave at the mention of “free time”, whatever that is. But if they did, I’d have to include (assume brace position for incoming flattery) reading Balls and Walnuts.
I often feel discouraged and down when I’m tired. Some evenings (i’m a morning person) I’ll just get so down and then I go off to sleep and next morning things look much better.
If I don’t get enough sleep one night, I often find myself useless the next day until I get a solid night’s rest.
You should watch My Neighbours The Yamadas.
Have you ever worked through The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron)? It’s 12 weeks of daily writing with different assignments each week. If you just want something to get you motivated, you might try it, and you might find lots of tools for keeping the writing going even when you’re *gasp* happy and content.
Doug, have you considered doing Nanowrimo again? I know you once said you’d never do it again, but maybe it would jump-start your muse. You know that once you signed up for it, you’d be too competitive not to finish it…
Don’t say no without thinking about it.
You can find me here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/50703, so if you decide to do it, be sure to sign up as my buddy.
🙂