Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
No padding
I’m relatively thin right now — a byproduct of the Santa Rosa stress factory, that recent stomach bug, and being in a car three hours a day (less time to be stuffing my face). So my butt lacks padding. This became painfully obvious by the fourth hour in the airport. Yes, my plane got delayed. I wouldn’t mind those “arrive two hours early” rules quite as much if they would get me in the air on time. But no, at SFO (San Francisco International), departure times are suggestions.
Today, for example, I arrived two hours early, and was pleased to note that my flight to Burbank was on time. The boards continued to list it as “on time” fully five minutes after the departure time had passed. No plane, no word as to what had happened. The nervous nellies among us milled about. The seasoned travelers continued farting around on their laptops, oblivious to the delay. Finally, the boards were corrected to read a departure time of 5:00 (original departure time, 3:15 PM), but that was still just a suggestion. I don’t think we made it into the air until 6 PM.
SFO has one runway. ONE. So there’s always a hell of a line-up to the plate. When we finally made it in line, we had 11 planes ahead of us, and it must have taken 20 to 25 minutes to get those planes into the air. How does an airport get “international” status with only one runway? That’s insane.
I could have flown out of the Santa Rosa airport, but I would have had to fly into LAX, which is a nightmare all unto itself. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, I’ll try that instead. The way I did it was the only way I could swing a one-day turnaround (I’m coming home tomorrow evening), thus conserving precious paid time off days.
Anyway, I made it. I’m here in Burbank, spitting distance from Bob Hope’s Airport, enjoying my exceptionally spacious hotel room at the Airport Marriott. I had dinner tonight with one of my pals from residency, and tomorrow I’ll have a no doubt low stress interview with folks who are, by several different accounts, cool people. That’s not the worrisome part. The worrisome part is flying back to SFO.
D.
Airports, in general, suck. They’re what I imagine steerage terminals must have been like, vast hordes funneled through chokepoint after chokepoint. The only difference is that in the modern airport, you are invited to distract yourself with overpriced merchandise.
That’s why I always enjoyed the opening to Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul . . . and to say more would invite the wrath of the TSA 😉
Burbank will always remind me of LAUGH IN glad u made it safe
RDB, you’re too young to remember Laugh In! thanks