Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Remember to breathe
Live-blogging tonight — anyone up for it? 7 or 8 PM PST, like usual.
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My high school gf used to accuse me of being overdramatic because I would give these huge, heartfelt sighs. Truth was, I would forget to breathe, and when you forget to breathe there’s nothing like a big ol’ sigh to get that oxygen back to the brain. Did she believe me? Naw.
It’s stress-related, like so many things. When I’m stressed, my bladder decides it needs exercise three or four times an hour but my diaphragm goes on holiday. So there I am, peeing and holding my breath and losing weight without even trying.
We were all set for Santa Rosa. Neither Seattle nor Olympia panned out, and Santa Rosa always has been a good option for us, so come June 1st we were ready to say “yes.” On the day when I was going to have The Conversation with my future boss in Santa Rosa, I received two calls from two different positions in Tacoma.
Cue needle scratch across record. (Jake: in the old days, we had something called a vinyl record. It was big and flat and circular, and when you dragged a diamond needle across it, it made a shrieking noise. If you allowed the needle to travel across the disk in the normal manner, music would come from your speakers. Unless, of course, the vinyl record was Queen’s A Night At The Opera, in which case the noise would cause chest pain, broken teeth, incontinence, and bleeding ears.)
It’s not that I dislike my future employer in Santa Rosa. I like him a lot. I’ve known him since med school, I know how well he treats his patients, and best of all, I trust him and he trusts me. So it really pained me to do this to him, and I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if he had said, “Sorry, Doug, but our practice needs to get moving on this. Good luck, man. See ya around.” No, he told me, “I won’t tell you I’m not disappointed, but I want you to know, you’re still our first choice.”
He gave me another month to decide.
Honestly? It’s the weather. Santa Rosa has better (cooler) summers than LA, and way better summers than San Antonio, but it would still be a step up on the Hell axis relative to our present climate. Washington State would be much cooler, and for Karen, ten degrees can be the difference between comfort and misery.
In both locations, we have friends and family within an hour or two driving distance. That’s no help. Both places are close to really cool big cities, and both places have far more amenities (read: RESTAURANTS!) than we have here. There are big differences in the financials of each position, but the potential exists for me to do well in any one of the three.
I guess it comes down to people. Who wants me, who doesn’t want me, who do I like, who don’t I like. I already know my Santa Rosa guy likes me and wants me (and I like him, too), so Santa Rosa is still the favorite. But the weather . . . that’s still a big deal, too.
It’s so easy to say, “Do what’s best for your family.” That’s what I’m trying to do. (And “Do what’s best for me,” too, since if I’m miserable, I’ll make my family miserable. Count on it.) It doesn’t make the process any easier, though. There’s angst on every level: the potential for disappointing my guy in Santa Rosa; frustration over having to sell our house for far less than it’s worth; the feeling of dread regarding the upcoming move. Also: that sinking feeling that comes in knowing I have TWO MORE ALL-DAY INTERVIEWS ahead of me. Also: the daily pain of having to explain myself to my patients, of having to bear their disappointment, of not having a good answer to their question, “What will we do?”
Nothing much to do about it, though, but plug forward and remember to breathe.
D.
more cheerleading for SR:
I tell you when I was driving along the hills of Santa Rosa I kept thinking damnation, “what do they do in the winter? It must be horrendous getting around,” and then I remembered. No, they don’t have to worry about ice and snow. Plus it’s a hop skip jump to SF and that has to be good.
I’m too crazy to travel these days, but maybe some day. . . .Maybe I’ll tell my sister to give you the low-down on what’s good about the place.
Her kids are little so she has a different perspective.
I forget to breathe too and I find myself sighing a lot at work. Why do we do that to ourselves?
I’ve got no advice on the move. Weather is a huge factor. Where I live summers are a beast but the rest of the year is decent. We’ve thought of moving out of state several times before, but weather is always the number one factor for staying here. Good luck and best wishes. I hope you find the right fit for you and your family.
Well, I see you have your thinking hat on, so apparently you’re hard at work on your decisions. 😉
Missed the LB again. *frown*
I’ve been a “hold my breath” sort which is why I fainted a lot as a kid.
lol @ dcr
and santa Rosa reminds me of Gino Vanelli LOL
My yoga teacher is always talking about “the breath” and how important it is. Her assistant sneaks up behind me to remind me to breathe. Personally, I have held my breath for years. Breathing is overrated and annoying. I practice holding it. I used to could for longer that anyone. I think it’s a useful trait.