Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
SBD: Please ask a doctor.
For today’s Smart Bitches Day post*, I’m afraid I have to slam La Nora.
At Kate’s suggestion, I’m reading Sea Swept by Nora Roberts. Here I am at Chapter One and I’m already screaming at the book.
Nooooo! You can’t talk when you’re on a ventilator! And if your brain is so mushed up from closed head trauma that you’re near death, you couldn’t talk even if you weren’t on a ventilator!
Ray Quinn, crusty old dude much beloved by his three (now four) adopted sons, hangs onto the last thread of life after wrapping himself around a telephone pole. We’re told he’s on life support, and one son, Phillip, carps at himself for not doing more for Dad in the last few months.
But he had known something, just hadn’t been able to put his finger on it. And had let it slide. That ate at him now as he sat listening to the machines that kept his father breathing.
Unless he’s in an iron lung, the man has been intubated endotracheally. He has a whopping huge wad of plastic between his vocal cords. He cannot talk. So, what does he do?
“Always squabbling.”
He talks. And talks. A real Hollywood deathbed scene it is, too, courtesy of a man who has “one last duty” to discharge. Trust me on this: in real life, that one final rally of consciousness is surpassingly rare.
Ms. Roberts, if you read this (and stranger things have happened): so far, I’m impressed with the technical excellence of your writing. It’s so good, I’m forgiving all the head-hopping and sentence fragments, something I’m usually loathe to do. You’ve made me sympathetic to these characters in record time, and I’m hooked, so I know you know your stuff. Yes, I know you don’t need a nobody like me to tell you that.
But please, please, ask a doctor next time. Ask me. I don’t mind — honest!
D.
*It’s been an age since I’ve read any romance. Been on an SF/Fantasy kick lately.
Must be another Kate.
Really? I wonder who recommended Sea Swept. Darla or Lyvvie, maybe?
Trust me on this: in real life, that one final rally of consciousness is surpassingly rare.
Good grief, Doug!!! How many people die having their ears cleaned!?!?!? 😉
What, you think that’s all I do? Not to mention 12 years of training (between med school & residency).
As for dying during one of MY cleanings . . . well, I haven’t lost anyone yet!
Well, boogers and wax are your main topics, outside the reproductive arts. 😉
Wait a minute, are you implying people have died from other doctors’ cleanings?
Whoa. Remind me not to get intubated endotracheally. No talking. My death sentence for sure.
Hmm, boogers and wax. Sounds like a poem. A gentile Haiku perhaps.
Dan: no, just that I’m that good.
CD: I hope you never have to be in that situation, of course, but if you do, talking will be one of your least concerns.
Weird – I’ve been reading this series, though in reverse order. (Picked up the last book in a free exchange bin not realizing it was part of a series.) Sea Swept is the last one to go, but of course since I’ve read all the ones that came after I’m not certain it’s all that necessary I read it, so I’ve been carrying it around for a week or more.
I had a similar “gah! that’s so unreal” experience reading about a character preparing for a major board meeting. Having been through the process myself it really threw me out of the story, so I get where you’re coming from – the story will always carry an * in your heart because no matter how good it is you’ll still be thinking “I liked it, BUT…”
You have experienced what I call a
Matthew Reilly moment.
PS: There’s a new flash fiction competition/blog* at
The Flasher
*note: my daughter’s one of the folks running this. The first entry’s not half bad.
fiveandfour: yes, indeed. I was yanked clean out of the illusion. Oh, well.
microsoar: I remember that Matthew Reilly post well. Now I’m off to check out the flash fiction link.
I don’t like Nora Roberts stuff all that much but I will recommend her book Angels Fall. It’s different, not so much like her other romance books and I really enjoyed it.
I know, medical errors in books or on TV irk the heck out of me. And I’m only a lowly hypochondriac, not an actual medical doctor like you!
Even “House” is getting pretty out of control with the diagnoses; it’s becoming more of a guessing game these days than true diagnostic excellence. In the beginning I used to be impressed when they’d come up with some weird syndrome and I’d Google it and check to see if it was true – and it would be. The more recent episodes are so far out I don’t even bother to Google because some of the things they do are too far from reality.
Reminds me of how one of the neurosurgery residents (where I went to med school) wrote as part of every consult, “Consider Kluver Bucy syndrome.” Our response: “Asshole.” Google it and you’ll see what I mean.
Oh, Nora’s notorious for headhopping. Should’ve warned you. 🙂 I personally just thought he had an O2 cannula, and the sons didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. *shrug* You should see how she mangles math. (1300 sq.ft. 3-story warehouse, 1st millennium, winning just shy of a million and buying a house with a pool outside Vegas for cash and still having most of the winnings left to invest, etc.) Some things you just have to let slide.
So, what did you think about the naked babe in the hallway?
I haven’t met any naked babe in the hallway yet. Have to say — sorry, Nora lovers — but so far, I’m bored. I find myself longing for even an average Crusie.
Well, you did–she just apparently didn’t make an impression. She was in the hotel room with Cam when he got the news.
Oh, that one.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What a throw away character she was.
[…] So. Cam. Adoptive Dad dies, has a Hollywood death which I’ve already bitched about (and oh, I see this one’s called Sea Swept, so I wasn’t even close, unless Random Nautical Title is close), makes his three sons swear to take care of young punk-ass Seth, Dad’s latest acquisition. See, all three of them, Cam, Moe, and Curly, they were all runaways who gravitated to Ghost Dad Quinn the way ferrets gravitate towards empty boxes and closed doors. But Seth, maybe he’s a real Quinn, which would mean Ghost Dad cheated on Mom. […]