Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Dead man walking
Tonight begins our county Health Care District’s “Strategic Planning Retreat,” a 1.5 day trip to bureaucratic Hades held at scenic Tu Tu’ Tun Lodge. (Hmm. I wonder if they’ve lodged me in the room with “King and Fireplace and Outdoor Soaking Tub.”) I expect to understand little and suffer much. I’m there because I’m the Chief of Staff and it’s Expected.
As I think I mentioned when I went to Orlando for the Sleep Disorders meeting, I dislike being away from my family, even for a. short time. I feel rudderless and can’t seem to enjoy much of anything. The hospital would have paid for my family to join me, but Karen and Jake disliked the idea of no computers and no TV. So here they stay.
If I’m going to blog the proceedings, I’ll need to come up with alternative names for everyone. Let’s see . . . there’s Gilbert Huph, the CEO; Goofy, the Ob-Gyn; Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax, the Trustees. I’ll have to come up with lots more names before the weekend is over.
(My master plan is that someone will discover what I’m doing, take offense at their nickname, and demand I resign as Chief of Staff. Woot!)
So, no video blogging this weekend, nor the next; we’ll be going to Ashland for a few days. Major woot! Gonna see the Cabaret, too. This will be Jake’s first live theater experience, so I should have plenty to blog.
As for reading material this weekend, I have Summer Devon’s porn erotica on my Blackberry and Cosmo in my luggage. I’ll not want for diversion.
See ya soon.
D.
PS: From Dearest Kate, McSweeney’s Pros and Cons of the Top 20 Presidential Candidates. Worth several smiles 🙂 🙂 🙂
Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax, eh? If you don’t have Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook, you really should. It’s right up your alley — plenty of double entendres in there. And there’s Bloody Stupid Johnson’s Individual Fruit Pie, which starts off with 30,000 pounds of apples.
Nope, don’t have it. Thanks for the tip.
Initially, they put me in an ordinary room. “Does it have a fireplace?” Sez I. “No . . .” “Does it have the outdoor soaking tub?” “Noooo.” “Does it have anything special?” “It has a lovely view of the river!”
Grumble grumble. But as I was bringing up my luggage, the nice lady met me at the door to my room and said, “I get the feeling you’d like more amenities.”. “I wouldn’t object,” I said. And now I have the fireplace, the king bed, the soaking tub, AND a heated toilet seat!
You know, when I asked if the room had anything special, if she had told me about the smart toilet (bidet, too!) I would have walked away with a smile.
That thing feels so good, I think I’ll sit down to pee.
See, COS has some benefits. And everyone loves a warmed tokhes on the pot.
Doug,
Skippy the Kangaroo, Atrios and I found a gift just for you. No, really, it’ll warm the cockles of your heart.
Dr. Laura’s son’s webpage.
bwahahahahahahaha
See? Isn’t that just the thing to chase the meeting blues away?
Lyvvie; COS? Cranky old shit? That’s me all right.
Kate, I’ll have to check later. Surfing with Blackberry is an annoyance at best.
Heated toilet seat? What? How? We have that technology? Tu Tu Tun Lodge’s motto is apparently “You Found Us.” Goofy the OB/GYN. HEELARIOUS. I spit cereal on my monitor laughing too hard.
CD, I think ill need to do a whole post on this toilet. It has changed the way my ass thinks about elimination.
As for Goofy, yeah, he’s a hoot all right. A regular hoot ‘n holler.