Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Can I resign now?
Sorry for the kvetching post tonight. I’m tired and grumpy — a typical Monday.
Eighteen months ago, when Dr. M asked me if I would like to be Vice Chief of Staff for 2006, I said yes without much hesitation. I had been contemplating writing a hospital-based murder cozy a la Murder on the Orient Express (hospital CEO dies following a routine operation, turns out EVERYONE has a hand in the killing), so I thought all these meetings might give me material.
Yeah, right. Funny how these things don’t pan out like you think.
No one ever told me Vice Chief of Staff was a fast track to Chief of Staff, and no one ever told me the Chief of Staff has three meetings a month (sometimes four), and no one ever told me that Vice Chief of Staff had a lot in common Student Body Vice President and nothing at all in common with Miami Vice.
Damn. I could have done Miami Vice.
None of that, though; and it keeps getting worse. Our hospital’s Strategic Planning Meeting is this weekend, and as Chief, I am obliged to attend. To give you some idea of the hell I can expect, at a recent meeting of the Board of Trustees, the Trustees actually voted that we should have less free time at the meeting, leaving more time for “work.”
Thank God I have Summer Devon’s books on my Blackberry.
We’re also expecting (forever expecting, much as the supermarket tabloids perennially predict the Second Coming) the Feds to arrive any day now for a surprise inspection. The source of tonight’s angst: my darling Medical Staff Coordinator, AKA Teh Haaawtest Pentagenarian I Know, sent me a three and a half page document listing questions the Feds asked another hospital medical leadership team along with the suggested answers.
I don’t understand the answers or the questions. Here’s the only question I understand:
Q: Does MEC [Medical Executive Committee] meet monthly or quarterly? A: Monthly.
But the rest is jargon. What does this mean:
Q: On an aggregate level, how does the hospital do in meeting community needs? A: Board members are community members selected for expertise in certain areas; broad knowledge of community also info of how well we meet needs, ambassador program, patient satisfaction dashboard.
It’s written in shorthand for someone who already knows the answers — little reminders. It does nothing for me. (This only reinforces my desire to teach my son how to write for any occasion.)
I wonder if it would help if I insisted on a rewrite in plain English. But no . . . the only thing that will really help is if I’m on vacation when the Feds arrive.
On the other hand, I take some sustenance from Alberto Gonzalez’s recent testimony before Congress. If he can answer every question with “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember,” why can’t I?
D.
I could have done Miami Vice, too.
I had serious teenybopper hots for Don Johnson way back when. 😀
I’m sorry, m’dear. You cannot resign. This is the cross you bear as Institutional Leader. To be saddles with jargon and visitations from the government. It is a joyous experience, no?
sigh. *saddled, not saddles
My condolences. This is why I was only too happy to resign all hospital privileges last summer. I’d been there long enough & on enough committees, that I could see the writing on the wall. I am much happier doing just clinic based pediatrics.
Sorry, I went to medical school, etc to take care of patients — not deal with this stuff. Unfortunately, in training not a lot was ever said about all the other “stuff” and I was out of residency before I started to learn. Boy talk about an education that first year out.
On the bright side, you probably only have another 6 months to go. And *next time* you’ll know to say “No” and run like hell in the opposite direction.
I’m sorry.
meetings suck, even the ones where they feed you bagels and lox. (mmmmm but now I’m hungry.)
I kvetched to our admin gal today. She said she’d talked to one of the other admin gals about my grief and they thought it was really funny. They think I’m worrying about it too much.
I’ll remind them of this when I singlehandedly manage to get the hospital suspended (or whatever it is the feds do to hospitals).