Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Duggar delight: Seventeen Sixteen and one in the oven
Remember the Duggars?
I can always tell when Michelle Duggar is pregnant. No, she doesn’t have to pee on a stick; I need only check my blog’s top entry pages. When Snape Hearts Michelle Duggar starts creeping up in the ratings, some sort of Duggary Goodness is a-brew; and if you’re a Duggar, goodness = fecundity.
If Shara can be trusted, Number Eighteen is on the way. Should we start the naming pool? J-names only, people. I pick “Jaggers” if it’s a boy, “Jezebel” if it’s a girl.
From Shara’s blog:
Now, I know a lot of people might think that having 18 kids is irresponsible or just plain crazy and I might have even been one of those people once. But, this is one of the happiest most well adjusted families that you will EVER meet. I would like to be one of the Duggars! Really!
How does she know this? How can Shara distinguish happiness from Stepfordian acquiescence? She went to school with Michelle. That’s right — Shara is a firsthand witness to Duggary. I wish she had given us some insight into the teen pre-Duggar Michelle, but sadly she does not.
In a recent comment to this blog, Stefanie writes,
The Duggar family inspires me quite a bit. I mean, yes they have 16 children, but look at how much patience they have with all their children, especially the little ones. More power to them! If the Lord decided that this is the lifestyle for them to live, so be it. It’s not our place to judge each other. Like the bible says “Judge not les ye be judged†and “He without sin casts the first stoneâ€. Let the family live in peace. They are doing God’s work upon Earth. They are truly blessed with a wonderful family and I hope to see more documentaries about them in the future. God Bless Duggar Family!
Ah, where to begin. How about the fact that that particular post, aside from poking a little fun at a poorly worded email (supposedly from Jana Duggar), hardly threw “the first stone,” nor was it the least bit judgmental. But I’m more interested in Stefanie’s assertion that the Duggars are doing God’s work upon Earth.
For the sake of argument, let’s grant that God exists. Either (A) God’s ways and movements are mysterious, or (B) God’s ways and movements are revealed to the likes of Stefanie, Pat Robertson, George W. Bush, etc. If (B) is true, I would like these cognoscenti to explain to me the horror of evil, particularly evil inflicted upon the innocent and defenseless. And if they explain it by invoking God’s mysteriousness and ineffability, then (A) is true, in which case I would politely request that these folks shut the eff up about God.
***
‘Kay everyone, I’ve reached my depth for the evening. I had a bad night last night thanks to the horrors of acid reflux; it’s a minor miracle I managed to get some decent writing in today. But I did! Yay me!
One sex scene: down.
Two virgins: deflowered.
Stay tuned for tomorrow, wherein I meet some of Ellora’s cavepeople.
D.
Speaking of procreation, I posted that photo of your future daughter-in-law. I think we need to tell them up front, though, that we’d be perfectly happy with only one or two grandchildren.
So isn’t there some place in the Jewish dogma that says a couple should only have 2 children – one of each gender? Or am I smokin’ crack?
Not seventeen? (*pouts*)
Nox, not to my knowledge. Be fruitful and multiply and all that. If there’s something in the Talmud about family size (and there undoubtedly is), I’m not familiar with it.
As to what you’re smokin’, only you know 😉
How do they possibly have time for sex with that many children? The complaint from most of my friends with kids is that it killed their sex lives. Maybe the Duggar’s should package that secret and sell it 😉
Er, I meant to include this as a lead in:
“For Michelle Duggar to get pregnant, they must’ve squeezed sex into the schedule somehow.”
Then my wondering about when/how.
~jmc
Her uterus is going to fall out on the kitchen floor one day while she is trying to make a spaghetti dinner. She’ll probably turn, giggle and say mindlessly, “Look, Mommie lost her uterus.”
Haven’t researchers shown that the more older brothers a boy has, the higher his odds of being gay?
Wonder how that’ll sit with ol’ Jimmy-boy, when the last 5 boys announce they play for the other team …
It’s easy working in time for sex when you delegate 99% of chores and childcare to your
slaveschildren. Oh, wait, she teaches them, too. And she’s all the kids’ #1 buddy. That’s gotta eat up the time.On the other hand, maybe (as corn dog suggests) her uterus already has fallen out, and all Jim-Bob has to do is make a little deposit to start #19.
SxK, what is it, 1 in 10? Excellent chance of 2 so far.
Certainly the research has shown that the more kids one has (7 or 8 seems to be the magic threshold), the more likely it is that the kids will physically and sexually abuse one another. Let’s face it: if we were meant to have litters, we’d have more than 2 nipples and an estrus cycle.
One of my friends sent my that photo of the Duggars with the caption “Vagina: Not a Clown Car”
I bet that woman has to cross her legs when she sneezes or laughs. There can’t be anything left in her lower body that doesn’t want to get squeezed out with the puppies.
I like the poster that showed that same photo and said, “It’s a uterus, not a clown car.” Invitation to tell anal sex jokes at my place.
But Blue Gal, I take my anal sex very seriously.
Not to nitpick, but she wasn’t about to have her 18th child. Actually she just had her 17th on the second of August.
I stand corrected. Thanks!
Of course, by now, the original title might be accurate.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Um, I didn’t sneeze.
when i first saw ’14 kids and preganant again’ i thought wow who in the right mind would have more than 4 or6 but i saw it a thought wow what an amazing family so i support the duggars 100% all the way .
god bless you
i have seen all the duggar family programs and support there family all the way ,your kids are home schooled they will have troubal communicatin with the outside world.
I feel so bad for the older girls I just read they teach the younger children all their schooling and they cook all the meals. They have a younger buddy or two all day long. Seems to me they are just taking advantage of the older girls. Of course those boys probably don’t do much because the girls are suppose to just stay home have babies and clean and cook all day. You don’t ever see any toys around the house. I can’t help but feel bad for them.