Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Fact or fiction?
I give full credit to Darla for inspiring tonight’s blog. Her Thursday Thirteen reminded me of Snopes.Com, a website dedicated to the task of separating urban legends from true-life events. But Darla has this odd fascination with cars and poinsettias, while my interests run more towards the carnal.
Here’s the game. Five of the stories below are fact, five are fiction. Pick out the five fictional stories, then check the comments to see how you did. I’ll post links to the original Snopes articles, too, but don’t click ’em until later. Unless you want to think of yourself as a filthy cheater.
1. The youngest mother on record was a five-year-old girl.
2. Nine months after the Great Blackout of 1965 in New York City, the birth rate increased dramatically.
3. In 1988, Richard Gere had to go to the UCLA emergency room to have a gerbil removed from his rectum.
4. A man showed a video of his recent wedding to a gathering of friends. Too bad the video contained footage of the man having sex with his neighbor’s bull terrier.
5. Catherine the Great was crushed to death while having sex with a horse.
6. A woman sought medical attention to remove a deer tongue she had used for masturbation.
7. The antidepressant clomipramine can cause orgasms in yawning patients.
8. Porn star Marilyn Chambers once appeared on boxes of Ivory Snow.
9. When British police conducted a drug raid during a party at Keith Richards’ Redlands estate in 1967, they found Mick Jagger eating a Mars bar out of Marianne Faithfull’s vagina.
10. A teenage boy electrocuted himself while attempting to masturbate with a cow’s heart hooked up to wall current.
Bonus! True or False?
11. Vending machines in Japan offer for sale panties purportedly worn by schoolgirls.
Answers in the comments.
D.
The fictional stories:
2. There was no baby bump nine months after the blackout. New Yorkers are too neurotic to respond to a blackout by having sex. You’ve seen Seinfeld, haven’t you?
3. Richard Gere’s asshole is still a gerbil virgin. Tom Cruise’s starfish, on the other hand . . .
5. Catherine the Great died of natural causes. Maybe she did do a few horses, but she always lived to tell about it.
9. Maryanne Faithfull’s honey hole is chocolate-free. (And, may I say, what an unimaginative urban legend? For the love of all things perverse, have him eat a Pay Day bar out of her ass!)
10. Surprisingly enough, no teenage boy has ever been stupid enough to attempt this. Give them time.
And #11 is . . . TRUE! Oh, those darling Japanese businessmen and their fondness for Sailor Moon’s panties. Too bad the smelly panties are being supplied by this individual.
So, how did you do?
I got 1 and 10 wrong.
Hey, here’s another one: “Iraq presents a unique and urgent threat.”
Doug, I intentionally left all the sex ones for you. You’re welcome. 😉