Looks like jelly, but it’s snot!

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Snot, glorious snot.

But before I give you snot, go over to Michelle’s blog and sign up for her giveaway of Ellen Klages’ debut novel, The Green Glass Sea.

Ah, yes. What were we talking about? Snot.

Hang on. Snot’s good enough to wait for.

A while ago, Karen pointed to the bed and cried out, “Take me! Now!” Actually, she cried out, “There’s a degu and it just raced under the bed!”

Jake saw nothing. I saw nothing. I went downstairs to check the degu cage and Jake called after me, “We have four.”

Yeah, thanks. So I counted four degus.

“We must have five degus,” I told Karen. “Or else you saw a rat.”

Now our cat is prowling around the bedroom, searching for the rodent Karen hallucinated not one hour ago.

Snot below the fold.

So these pharmaceutical company bigwigs are sitting around their 36th Floor boardroom table wondering how to convince docs to write more prescriptions for nasal steroids.

“I know!” says the up-and-coming MBA with the laser-bright eye-twinkle. “Let’s give the docs a hand sanitizer dispenser shaped like a nose. And, get this — you’re gonna love this — the sanitizer drips out of the nose!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” says the CEO, whose head is wrapped around twin blackmail threats. Literally, twins. His secretary has him cold on a sexual harrassment rap, and her twin brother has him on all those incriminating instant messages. “No, here’s what we do. We make this blue nose, see? And you pull this lever, and hand sanitizer drips out from the center.”

“But that’s what I suggested!” says our boy genius MBA.

“Horse shit,” says the CEO. “Did you say the nose was blue?”