Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
A public service announcement
As a doctor, I often forget that what is common knowledge to me may not be common knowledge to my patients, nor to many of you. Information of vital importance doesn’t always get the attention it deserves.
Thus, I’d like to draw your attention to the following study on reducing the risk factors of prostate cancer (Journal of the American Medical Association, April 7, 2004):
Men who ejaculated most often actually had a 33% lower lifetime risk of prostate cancer, and this relationship grew stronger as men grew older.
For example, men who reported 21 or more ejaculations per month in their 40s had a 32% lower risk of prostate cancer later in life compared with those who reported between four and seven ejaculations per month. Men who reported more than 21 monthly ejaculations in the previous year had a 51% lower risk of prostate cancer.
Overall, an average of 21 or more ejaculations a month during a man’s lifetime decreased the risk of prostate cancer later in life by 33%. And each increase of three ejaculations per week during a man’s lifetime was associated with a 15% reduction in prostate cancer risk.
Hmm. Let’s do the math. In order to achieve a 100% reduction in risk, I need to average only 35 ejaculations per month for the rest of my life.
That’s a lot of sperm.
In order to get the word out, I’m thinking of selling some merchandise through Cafe Press. If you’re interested, let me know.
D.
PS: YES, I know it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month, which is a buttload of controversy all unto itself; but I’m not feeling emotionally or intellectually ready to say anything intelligent about breast cancer. I have my reasons.
Prostate cancer, though . . . something I could get . . . I can work with that, particularly if it means getting out the Sex Is Good For You message.
PPS: Do you think the caption (Ask me how YOU can reduce my risk of prostate cancer) is too subtle? I dunno, maybe this would be better:
REDUCE MY RISK OF CANCER.
FUCK ME.
Yeah, no one would get confused by that.
REDUCE MY RISK OF CANCER.
FUCK ME.
How about: “It’s not a blow job, it’s preventative medicine!”
OMFG. I have got to get one for my husband. He’s the ERMC PM Consultant*. Veeerrryy appropriate. I can just see the campaign now.
*preventive medicine consultant for the army’s European medical command
It’s perfect as is. If they can’t figure it out do you really want them? Oh shit, of course you do! Still, great as is!
I’m a very ‘friendly’ wife, but we’re talking a minimum of five times a week here. Sure, that’s fine now and then, but to keep that pace for years? Decades? Not likely.
God gave you two hands. Maybe a morning pop should be part of your ‘getting ready for work’ routine, that way you’re assured of getting your recommended monthly allotment of ejaculations. 😉
And you won’t get arrested for soliciting. lol
Like brushing your teeth, Tam? “So I got up this morning, brushed my teeth, shaved, showered, and wanked, and I was ready for the world.” Works for me.
I really ought to open a Cafe Press shop, though — who knows, maybe I could raise some money for charity.
And don’t forget to floss! 😉
Prostate cancer, though . . . something I could get
you know men can get breast cancer too, right?
just saying.
now i sound like a smartass, but yeah.
if i were a guy, i’d buy that shirt!
Yes, Shaina. And that’s easy to forget, too.
*sigh* Breast Cancer Awareness Month bugs me. Where’s the Heart Disease awareness month? It kills far more women every year than breast cancer does, and most women don’t even know that the symptoms are different for women.
You should send those ideas to T-shirt Hell and they’ll give you free stuff if you win. Just saying.
noxcat: I know, I know. Darling diseases. Breast cancer is damned important, but diabetes and heart disease are terribly important, too. So little of this stuff makes any sense.
BG: and give my ideas away? Uh-uh. I’ve made a Cafe Press shop and now I have to fill it up with Kewl Stuff. And then I need to figure out a good charity to receive the profits since we really don’t need the few bucks we would make off of this.
noxcat: I know, I know. Darling diseases. Breast cancer is damned important, but diabetes and heart disease are terribly important, too.
And prostate cancer, which kills nearly as many men as breast cancer does women. Lung cancer, which still kills more than both (I think) put together.
We just did an E2 ninjagirls cleavage calendar on CafePress…pretty easy.
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/ninjagirls/-/cfpt2_/cfpt_/source_searchBox/copt_
[…] Thirteen things I learned at the Sleep Disorders meeting By Walnut Every so often, I feel honor-bound to share my knowledge with you, my beloved readers. I’ve told you how to clean your ears and pick your noses; I’ve given you helpful pointers on how to reduce your risk (or your husband’s risk) of prostate cancer. I’ve taught you how to douche your noses, and I’ve helped you deal with the heartbreak of orchialgia (AKA testalgia, AKA stone ache). Today, we’ll talk about the other third of your life: sleep. […]