Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
SBD: SDB (So Does Brad)
Smart Bitches Day today, droogs, and I’ve been remiss of late. Call it failure of imagination, call it failure of the normal sleep/wake cycle, but I haven’t had a single bright shiny SBD thought in weeks.
However.
While editing yesterday morning, I listened to a netcast of one of my favorite radio stations, KFJC, and the DJ played “Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and my SBD theme came to me in a flash of inspiration:
Loss of innocence.
I know what you’re thinking. “Walnut, you nailed the loss of innocence theme over a year ago, didn’t you?” Or you would be thinking that if you had read my blog as compulsively as I’ve written it.
Still, I might have another miniscule thing or two to say on the subject.
Loss of innocence is such an emotion-laden subject, it surprises me it isn’t tapped more often for fiction and film. It especially surprises me that I haven’t milked it for the novel I recently finished. Here I am writing about two twenty-something-year-old virgins who finally give up that one last trapping of childhood, and I haven’t even scratched the surface.
My problem is, I’ve approached this story as a romantic comedy, and I’ve consciously tried to downplay most of the serious bits. When I first began writing it, I was burnt out by writing my trilogy/tragedy, and my muse wanted cotton candy. That’s my excuse, anyway.
Loss of innocence is a serious bit. I can’t mine humor from something so inherently sad — nor, I suspect, can anyone else. Case in point, any teen sex comedy (including, yes, American Pie). Puerile is not funny.
Although I do dig the band camp girl.
Alyson Hannigan. Mmmm. Guys and girl-lovin’ gals, google that name with SafeSearch OFF. You won’t be sorry. But I digress.
In editing this novel, I feel a strong urge to address this topic. There has to be a reason why these two have held onto their virginity for so long, right? Something beyond, “Oh, we were too busy to have intimate relationships.” A better reason than that. And there should be some emotional cost to finally kissing it (literally) all goodbye.
I worry a bit that any such attempt on my part will kill the comic buzz, but on the other hand, I trust my muse. I think she has a much different ending in mind, and I for one am looking forward to reading it.
D.
I have my comment on Technical Virgins half-composed, and I was going to say almost this very thing. Or something very like it. Almost. I hadn’t/haven’t said ‘loss of innocence’, but I reached the same conclusion.
It’s the problem that manifested early on, where Lori wasn’t defined enough. She didn’t have a plausible reason for waiting. She didn’t have a plausible reason for ending her wait, either.
I think you can address heavy topics with humour. Isn’t that what black comedy does? I’m not suggesting that you turn this into black comedy, I’m just saying that it is possible to have both serious material and comedy in one story.
Clearly, great minds think alike 😉
I keep wondering if I’m overstating my case. Are there any great loss of innocence comedies? The Graduate, perhaps . . . that last image, when the two lovers sit next to each other at the back of the bus, realizing, Oy. This is real.
As for the novel, I think the problem stems from me pantsing it. I came to know the characters as I wrote the first draft, so I really didn’t know the whys and wherefors. Hopefully, I’ll do better in the rewrite.
I think Lori may have lost her innocense a long time before the story starts. She’s the child of alcoholics, and those are either perpetual children, or they have to grow up early. It seemed to me her attitude towards alcohol was too normal for the child of an alcoholic.
Good point, but I don’t think I’ve delved into Lori’s background with appropriate depth to make that point (that she lost her innocence long ago). But I like that thought.
As for the alcohol, yeah, that needs work. I know some adults in her situation would shun alcohol altogether, but I see Lori as being too arrogant for that. She’s the “I can control my alcohol” type, and I’ve tried to write her as being barely capable of that. It wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge into true abuse.
This could just be me, but, in this day and age, having two 20+ year olds who are still virgins is going to be hard to believe. I’m not saying it can’t be true, but what is it about these two characters that have kept them “innocent†for so long? And how is it these two virgins decide that each of the other is “the big it†for them? How is it these two decide to “lose their innocence†to each other?
I agree with you — there definitely does have to be a plausible “reason why these two have held onto their virginity so long, and there should be some kind of plausible reason or event that makes these two decide “hey, you’re the one I’ve been waiting all these years to do it withâ€. I haven’t read your story, so I don’t know the backgrounds of your characters. I don’t know why they’re still virgins. Do you know why they are? Do you know why they pick one other to be the “first†– I’m not asking you to tell me, I’m asking you to think about it, that’s all. I think the reasons should stem from whatever it is that makes your characters who they are.
What does Lori do? From what I’ve read here on your blog about her – she doesn’t seem like the type that would have “waited†if you know what I mean. She seems like the type of girl who would have sort of been a “bad girl†– with her arrogant, “I can control my own life†attitude†– but I could be completely wrong here. If Lori lost her “innocence†(and I know you don’t mean her virginity) long ago, then, and again, this is just my opinion, she’s sort of worldly and aware, if you know what I mean. Which makes it hard for me to see how she could still be a virgin. Her virginity wouldn’t have meant anything to her, would it, if she lost her “innocence†so long ago. She wouldn’t have cared about it, because, and again, this is just me, with alcoholic parents, deep down, she probably blamed herself for a lot of stuff (and probably still does). She probably doesn’t like herself much, doesn’t believe in herself much, so why would she have kept her virginity intact – when she’s already lost so much more than that? Lori seems like the kind of girl who thinks she’s looking for “Mr. Right Now†not “Mr. Rightâ€, she might really want “Mr. Rightâ€, but won’t admit it to herself – again, I could be way off here.
What is it about Brad that Lori likes? What is it about Lori that Brad finds attractive? Are they both, two lost souls looking for . . . acceptance, love, self-realization or what? Where and how do they start out (internally) in the story and where and how do they end (internally) in the story? I mean if the end of their journey is a sort of a “loss of innocence†– then where do they start?
Do they start out “childlike or naive†and end up at “loss of innocence� Where does Brad begin his internal journey? Where does Lori begin her internal journey?
Alicia Rasley has an of article on her web site (actually she’s got lots of great articles. I’ve taken many classes from her and she’s a terrific writing coach) that might help you:
http://www.sff.net/people/alicia/artinternal.htm
I wrote a romance story a few years ago, and the scene that came just before the crisis was a scene that I called “Brogan tries to prove to Ally the difference between having sex and making loveâ€. He thought if he could prove that difference to Ally, then she’d admit she loved him. I kind of see your Brad trying to prove something like that to Lori – again, I could be way off here.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve sort of given up on romance writing, but reading about your journey with Brad and Lori makes me want to revisit Brogan and Ally’s story!
Thanks,
Anita
PS – if your story ends up not being a “romantic comedy†so what? Maybe it was meant to be something else . . .
Hey, there,
I liked the previous post *a lot*. I call it “growing up all the time” but you’re right, it’s the chasm beneath all our feet once we’ve reached a point where society generally admits that we’re adults.
Like Anita, haven’t read your story (yet?) but I wanted to offer a plausible reason for at least one of your virgins, possibly Lori, to have remained so for so long. Especially since she had two alcoholic parents. She may well be a tease, knowingly or not, and enjoy physical proximity, but not want to demonstrate that she is as weak as her primogenitors had been. Not to mention that their having sex led to her to begin with. So she (thinks she) controls her alcohol use, and she does essentially control her sex use – and maybe, as the years slip by, she’s built it up to be a lot more than the heavy foreplay she does allow herself to indulge in? maybe it’s a little frightening for her, since she’s good at what she does? Just a thought – or two.
I’m going to try a thirteen thing tomorrow, come by if you like.
What folks outside of medicine don’t realize (you can’t know what it’s like, if you haven’t been through training) is that it’s really, really difficult to have a social life outside of school/internship/residency. Many do manage it, of course. But if there’s even the slightest excuse for avoiding a social life, it’s eaaaasy to use school/training as an excuse.
On a related note, we just heard that one of our friends from med school is getting married. He must be my age (mid-40s) and, well, let’s just say this came as a very pleasant surprise.
As I see it, the issue for Brad is an unwillingness to leave childhood behind. (That’s a VERY abstract way of looking at it, and there’s no way Brad would ever think in those terms . . . but how else would you view his clinging to a fairy tale romance view of sex?) Lori was hurt far more by her early indiscretions in high school than she’s willing to admit. She feels she let herself down — and, yeah, it IS a control issue, control over her own emotions. She hates the fact she fell in love with an a-hole and now she doesn’t trust her feelings. The fact this realization came after a hot & heavy & messy petting situation may also account for her avoidance of sex.
Talking this out helps a lot . . . and I think things should be a heck of a lot clearer after the rewrite.
And I just noticed — woo-hoo! I passed the 100K visitors mark!
PS: If you or Anita or anyone else want to beta read, let me know. I’d want to wait until the rewrite is finished. Thanks to Kate, the last third will, I think, be quite a bit different.
Sure, I’ll be a beta reader. Let me know when your ready for the next read-through. Is your email address on your blog somewhere? I’m going to Italy (it’ll be my first time (no pun intended — grin), and I’m so excited!) from Oct. 17 to Oct. 27 – so I won’t be available to read your story during those days.
So how come Brad decided to go to Med school? Is it something he always wanted to do? Is it something his parents expected from him? Is it something he still wants to do?
I like the idea that he’s clinging to a “fairy tale romance view of sexâ€. I’m sure there’re lots of guys out there who aren’t always “on the make†– course I could be wrong about that.
Maybe you have to think about how Brad’s gotten this view. Did he have a strict, religious upbringing? Maybe his parents have been happily married for 50+ years. Maybe he’s always wanted to find “that special girl†– just like his dad did?? Maybe something happens in the story that makes him realize that there’s no “perfect girl†out there. Maybe he’s got to learn how to accept people for who they are?? Accept Lori for who she is??
How old is Brad? An unwillingness to leave childhood behind – hmm, that’s interesting. Not sure what that means. I’m going to think about that for a while. So maybe he’s afraid to grow-up? Afraid to become an adult? Afraid to be in an adult relationship with a woman? Does Brad relate “sex†to “becoming an adult� Is he afraid of the responsibility of having to care for another person? Or maybe he’s afraid of the responsibilities that come with leaving childhood behind??
See now when you tell me that “Lori was hurt far more by her early indiscretions in high school than she’s willing to admit†– it’s hard for me to believe she’s still a virgin. Oh, but that’s right. She’s a “technical virgin†– okay, so, yeah, I’m starting to buy into this. So she’s afraid of actual “intercourseâ€. She’s afraid of intimacy??? Afraid to “give herself to someoneâ€??
So who’s the antagonist in your story? Who or what’s stopping Brad and Lori from getting what they want? What does Brad want (I mean something other than having sex with Lori)? Does he want to quit Med school to become a chef? What does Lori want? What does she do? What kind of career does she have?
Anita, can I track you down through your blog when I’m ready? If not, my addie is azureus at harborside dot com.
The only real antagonists in this story are the H/H themselves. There are some minor antagonists (Brad’s mom, who sort of helps, sort of hurts; and their chief resident, who doesn’t quite get it that Lori isn’t interested in him), but they’re there for color more than anything else.
As for the rest, you’ll just have to read it. I don’t think Brad’s mindset is implausible, but then I wouldn’t — remember, my wife claims this book is autobiographical 😉