Balls and Walnuts
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Category Archives: Thirteen Candles
The Weather Thirteen
Smog, hail, storms, wind, and more . . . below the cut. By the way: the photographer says the above photo is true color. I can believe it.
Thirteen cool microorganisms
I’m tired of fretting over macroscopic creatures. If it’s not the humans in my lives (agents, those ornery creatures!), it’s disappearing ferrets or reappearing rats. Let’s take a break from vertebrates and consider life on the nano scale.
Once Upon a Time on TCM
Walnut sez: Balls never goes halfway with things. Why buy 100% Kona coffee from Hawaii when you can buy it green and roast it yourself? And why grab pastries at the supermarket when you can make your own puff pastry?
Well. She doesn’t do that too often, but you get the idea. Lately, she’s been watching movies. The same movie. Over and over again.
Thank God it’s not Titanic.
Below the fold: Thirteen Things about Once Upon a Time in the West, by my beloved Balls.
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Thirteen Ephemeral Thoughts
For several months, I’ve thought of doing this Thirteen, but it’s a treacherous theme. It’s not as bad as “Thirteen Things I Forgot,” but it’s close.
These are memories which flit into my skull unbidden. They usually have no relationship to the moment; I’m not getting food memories when I’m hungry, nothing that comprehensible. I suspect a mild case of temporal lobe epilepsy.
The only way I can write this is incrementally. Just as I cannot induce these memories, I usually can’t remember them for very long, either — until they come again. And they do. My memory is a vinyl record with more skips than music.
Let’s allow this one to grow over the course of the day. I’ll add to the post when the memories occur, so it may take me a while to reach thirteen. Onward!
The Lazy Thirteen
Dig the frog. This fella took a perch right next to my front door.
Sometimes work sucks the life out of me. When that happens on a Wednesday/Thursday, there’s nothing for it but to write a dead easy thirteen.
Thirteen Things I Learned From Cosmo: the Jessica Alba Edition
I don’t have a normal life. No doctor does. Ours is a calling that balances sacrifice with privilege, and it is for each physician to decide, at the end of the day or at the end of a career, if it has all been worthwhile. I’m not a regretful man (much), but like any doctor, I’m so distant from the mainstream of humanity that I sometimes forget the things that are truly important.
And that’s why I always return to Cosmo — to keep me grounded.
This month’s teasers include:
- His #1 SEX Fantasy. His. Not mine. Although I wouldn’t toss this sex fantasy out of bed for laying refried bean farts.
- Could Your Man Be Gay? That totally ripped plumber you found him in bed with last week might be a clue!
- “My Boyfriend Didn’t Change His Boxers for 3 Months!” Stop writing letters to Cosmo, Mom. And . . .
- JESSICA FRICKIN’ ALBA. Maybe we’ll find out if she has a thing for married, middle-aged, balding hobbits.
Thirteen Excuses Not to Write a Thursday Thirteen
Yup, it’s a day early. Rejoice — I’ll have more for you tomorrow evening!
Why can’t I manage to write a Thirteen this week?
1. Trite. My dog ate numbers 5 through 11.
2. Whiny and self-pitying. I work soooo hard and soooo many people depend on me and I had this looong committee meeting tonight and I still have to write my Wednesday post.
3. Shirking. My son’s new computer game arrived in the mail today. I’d rather watch him play than write.
4. Shizophrenic. Here:
You see as soon as the skull is smashed and one still has flowers [laughs] with difficulty, so it will not leak out constantly. I have a sort of silver bullet which held me by my leg, that one cannot jump in, where one wants, and that ends beautifully like the stars. Former service, then she puts it on her head and will soon be respectable, I say, O God, but one must have eyes. Sits himself and eats it.
5. Shocked. Damn, coming up with thirteen excuses is harder than I thought.
6. Irrelevant. Look at the kitties!
7. Testosterony (with a dash of politics). I’m too busy searching for nude photos of Fred Thompson’s granddaughter wife.
8. Bizarre. Mind your own business, Mr. Spock, I’m sick of your half-breed interference, do you hear?
9. Brown-nosing. You guys are the greatest readers a blogger could ever have in the whole, wide world. You deserve the very best, and if I can’t give you the very best, I’d rather give you nothing at all.
10. Obnoxious. All you ever do is take, take, take, and all I ever do is give, give, give!
11. Vacuous. Uhhh . . . I dunno.
12. Honest. I’m working on a Cosmo Thirteen, but I need more time to do it up proper.
13. Clever. I know: I’ll write a “Thirteen Excuses” Thirteen!
I have a cunning plan . . .
You know what to do, and you have a reasonable expectation that I shall respond in an appropriate manner.
Dan holds forth on childish behavior
microsoar and Ms. Canada take a B-Spon ride
Omigod Darla, I want a becher, too
Carrie’s has the list of new releases. I’m looking forward to 7 and 9.
Kate has even more Jackie Kessler foo!
Trust me, Da Nator, the kewl kids will lurve you.
Oooh. Those amalows.
Pat: Dodge Caliber, Teh Suxx0r of rental cars.
D.
Fourteen selfish things I could do with $330 million
Back when I was a grad student, my thesis advisor, a newly minted millionaire thanks to his very own biotech firm, bemoaned the fact he couldn’t do anything really interesting with “just” a few million dollars. He had to be worth tens of millions, or preferably hundreds of millions, or more. He meant that he couldn’t do any worthwhile philanthropic work with his meager riches, couldn’t set up a foundation, couldn’t get a new university building or even a hospital wing dedicated to him.
This was bullshit, of course — the philanthropic part, I mean. I’m thinking of the many local charities, women’s shelters, for example, which live and die each year for only a few thousand dollars. But the boss was thinking big.
The Mega Millions jackpot has reached $330 million. That’s not a record, but it’s close, and in any case it’s still a chunk of change. A generous person could do some good works with $330 million.
Or he could blow it all on himself and his family.
Thirteen female vocalists
Last week’s YouTube Thirteen was so much fun (for me, anyway) that I decided to do another. This one will be musical.
I’ve always preferred women’s voices to men’s, and unusual voices at that. You’ll find some boring old standards here, but I hope a few of these will be new to you.
Thirteen comedy duos
Hope you’re ready to burn up the next two hours of your life with YouTube videos (each one personally screened by yours truly).
Edited to add . . .
I guess I’ll finish this later tonight, but I thought I’d give you something to chew on in the meantime. Here we go.