Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: Flickr follies
Blogwhorgy. Right here, right now.
Karen thinks I should try not be so heavy for a change. This is a humor blog, after all. Kind of. Sort of. Mostly.
“So, I shouldn’t edit that long piece I wrote last week on my patient who died when I was a resident?”
“No.”
And I suppose those ruminations over the Jewish concept of an afterlife should stay ruminations. And Karen’s thoughts about getting through chemotherapy, well, maybe turning that into a Thursday Thirteen wouldn’t be such a hot idea.
Stop. Just stop. Or as we say in (now, what country is this?), DUR.
(Thought I’d sneak some Random Flickr Blogging in on y’all. This comes from eclipse watch.)
Instead, how about this idea: in the comments, please hype a post of yours you have written recently (I’ll let you define ‘recently’), one you’re proud of, one you would like to see read far and wide. Blogwhore away, my friends! I’ll also put up links below this paragraph, just like I do for the Thirteen. And, of course, I’ll be sure to read your posts and comment, too, if I can manage to say anything that isn’t, well, DUR.
Have at it! Hope you brought your own condoms.
I’m going to kick things off with a shout for Shelbi’s surefire orgasm machine. It doesn’t get much more blogwhorgicological than that.
The ever-fascinating Suisan gives us Tiger Lily! Poignancy! And demanding moms!
Pat gives us five truths (and one great viddy link).
If you haven’t seen Renee’s stuff yet, go see, and make her shiver with XXXXXO while you’re at it. And her friend Carla? Just gimme some hot chocolate and maraschino cherries. I’ll bring my own whipcream.
(Um, was that too gross?)
Dean’s post about the pleasures of older women. I’ve hyped it before, and I’ll hype it again.
Here’s Generik on Staying the Course.
D.
My luck
Yet another adventure in Random Flickr Blogging.
Given an email like this:
You have been invited to join the Colon Cleansing Treatment group on MySpace. Click the link below to see the group: http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=103939131
I would hope for members like
(Ah, red eyes and colon cleansing. Does it for me every time.)
But my luck, the only other member would be
Hot-blooded? Check it and see.
I’m a little tardy, but here’s my Flickr Follies for the week. IMG_5929 hails from rbowden’s flickr stream. Raised among humans, Don Guillermo has identity issues. I’ll let him speak for himself.
Closer, my succubus, and with my claw I will take the strap of your bikini top and tease it from your succulent frame. Then I shall lap at your breasts as if they were the finest imported mangos, teasing the nipples to raisin-like firmness. I’ll teach you the meaning of savage lizard love.
Oooh, slimy? No, not really. If you stroke my flesh — yes, there, lower still, aaaah. Do you feel? I’m rough as a cat’s tongue and three times as fast. With a strike of my tail I can kill flies midair or, if you prefer discipline to displays of agility, I might lash your soft thighs until they are banded pink and you beg for mercy.
Watch me shake my head. Watch! I daresay you have never seen such an impressive head-shake, no? It means I respect you, my love, and crave your attention. Come closer. Put your lips near mine so that I may sneeze salt upon them, that we might share our essences.
What? You doubt that I can satisfy you? I have but few words for you: two penises. When one tires, the other takes over. I can last all night. Can your human lovers say as much?
And when at last we have pampered one another into a state of bliss and beyond; when, afterwards, you smoke your Virginia Slim and I scratch your back where you crave it most; when we promise everything to one another, and nothing; then, at long last, you will agree: once green, never back.
No, it does not rhyme. But with our perfect love, what will it matter?
D.
The master of all I survey
This week’s Random Flickr Blogging brought to you by the number 7226.
I blame Kibbles ‘n Bits.
I’m a hunter by nature, a beast who lives for the chase, the capture, the jet of hot blood as I sink my teeth into another hapless furry neck. My mother didn’t bring me into this world to eat out of a bowl.
Kibble. Bits. Bits of what?
They expected me to take it like a bitch, but I showed them. No more rolled-up newspaper for this predator. No more five-minutes-only of sniff-ass in the park, either. Now that they’re gone, I’ll mount whomever and whatever I please, whenever I please, thank you kindly and woof. I’m my own dog now.
When Homicide arrived on the scene, I whined and sulked and made a pretense of deep depression. The ruse worked. Not one of the detectives suspected me, despite the fact I stabbed Him in the eye with my rawhide chew toy and strangled Her with my leash. Oh, delicious irony!
One of them scratched me on the belly and called me a good doggy. I would have shot him with his own weapon — I could have done it, too; I know where to put my claw — but that would have ruined everything. Instead, before Animal Rescue could arrive, I dashed out the front door when they weren’t looking.
From that moment forward it’s been one continuous, exhilarating crime spree. First thing I did, I taught Delilah, that uppity Shih Tzu next door, a lesson. I’ve been wanting to shag that hairy bitch for months. Then I took a dump in her owners’ swimming pool and left her to take the blame.
I hitched a ride by leaping onto the back of an open-bed truck owned by some good ol’ boy with a Golden Retriever named Max. That evening, I told Max How it Was, and How it Was Gonna Be. His master got drunk that night like usual, but this time, Max laid down across his face. Poor bastard choked on his own vomit — ugly, but effective.
Life’s been pretty good. I have a blonde Toy Poodle who does anything I ask (lick me there, I tell her, and she licks me there) and a crew of Pit Bulls who are cleaning up this planet one human at a time. If you’re alive to read this, listen up: get your affairs in order; kiss your loved ones goodbye.
There’s a new master in town.
D.
Just friends
Am I brilliant or what? With this photo, I can (A) do some Random Flickr Blogging, (B) segue into my Smart Bitches Day post, and (C) show three hot Asian babes and one Asian guy who is even more sexually non-threatening than yours truly. Booyah!
Back to SBD in a moment. I had a great writing day yesterday: nearly 4000 words, well over that if you count blog posts and my Tangent Online review of Helix SF Issue #1. (I’ll post a link to the review once Eugie puts it up on site.) And the words they did flow. Among other things, I wrote a scene that had been percolating in my mind since the first conception of this novel, namely, Barb teaching Lori how to give the world’s best blow job. Y’all are gonna love it, I hope I hope I hope.
On to the subject of today’s Smart Bitches Day post: opposite-sex-best-buddies in romance.
Overheard on the corner of Pismo and Stream
Random Flickr Blogging rides again. Brought to you by the number 4580. Photo pinched from Justabird2’s photostream.
Meet Calum and Edgar:
Calum: Would you look at that.
Edgar: Shameless, it is. Yet perfectly legal.
Calum: Plucked clean as the day she was born.
Edgar: Cleaner. It’s a, what do you call it. The latest thing. A Brazilian, ain’t it?
Calum: Why would a chick do something like that?
Edgar: Dunno. Maybe her bloke got tired of gettin’ feathers up his bill.
Flickr Follies 2.0
For this week’s venture into Random Flickr Blogging, I present to you this image of blissful newlyweds:
“May our love and your manhood grow like the bamboo.”
(With apologies to Leobin’s photos.)
D.
Lips of wax, pimento eyes
Walnut’s note: this is my first stab at random flickr blogging. We’ll see whether folks like this sort of thing or not.
I blame the fight.
“You’re never here on Thursdays,” Carver said, trotting out Contestant Number One for World’s Worst Excuse.
“Will you wipe her off your face?” I screamed, tears flying. I tried to slap him but he caught my wrists and pulled me close.
I could have head-butted him then. It would have saved me a lot of grief.
“It didn’t mean anything, Annie.” World’s Worst Excuse, Contestant Number Two. “I’ll forget about it if you will.” Contestant disqualified for lameness.
“It’s because she’s thin, isn’t it?”
He kissed me on the cheek, catching a tear on his tongue.
“Gee,” he said. “Licorice.”
Flickr and Google go toe to toe
In high school, we called them crackers. They functioned as eye magnets and brain-befuddlers, distracting us from the joys of higher learning. A teenage boy cannot not look at a cameltoe.
No, no, not that.
I almost changed my mind about writing this post. Could I stoop this low? But this very afternoon in the grocery store, I heard a muzak version of the Beach Boys’ Kokomo, which everyone under 35 knows as The Camel Toe Song.
Clearly, a Higher Power was speaking to me.
Flickr Follies
Hat tip to Jurassic Pork for pointing me to Tom Hilton’s post on If I Ran the Zoo, Fun & Games, Random Flickr-Blogging.
Here’s the idea: pick an image from Flickr and write about it. Flickr has millions of photos posted, some dull, some intriguing. Pick a photo. Write about it. Here are Tom Hilton’s suggested rules:
Here’s how it works:
- Every week, we all start with the same randomly-generated four-digit number (call it ####).
- Go to Flickr and search for “IMG_####”. There should be anywhere from a few hundred to a couple thousand results.
- Choose an image from among the results, post it to your blog (be sure to include attribution and a link back to the page where the image appears–this is done automatically if you use the ‘blog this’ feature in Flickr).
- The rest is up to you. Write about the place shown in the image. Make up a story about it. Connect it to some issue you care about. Or just post it as an image you really like. Do whatever you want.
As Jurassic points out, this could be a delightful way to break a writer’s block, not to mention an answer to the eternal wail, “What will I blog about nooooow?”
And I already have an idea what to do with it. Forget the random stuff — I’ll do that some other time. This evening, we’ll see how Flickr and Google Images match up on a specific image search. Something special. Something for me.
Tonight: The Great Camel Toe Race of 2006!
D.