Category Archives: Reviews


Ghost of Hannukah Future

Jake and I saw Click tonight. Here’s the bottom line for those of you with a short attention span: on a 1 to 10 scale, I give it a 7, Jake gives it a 6, and we both thought the ending sucked.

Six, man, that’s kind of harsh, but Jake is one harsh critic. (You should hear how he rates my dinners.) But I peeked at him during the movie and I think he enjoyed it at least 7-worth.

We’ll have to agree to disagree. Or — how about 6.5? Jake, that okay with you?

Jake: How about 6.00001?

Me: Bastard.

Jake: Takes one to know one.

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Author in need of a bitch-slap

No, not me, at least I’m not in any more need of a bitch-slapping than usual. Uh-uh. This guy, and for this book:

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He seemed like such a nice young man . . .

Those of you who slavishly follow my every word know that I’ve been reading Tam Jones’s books all back-asswards, first Threads of Malice (reviewed here), now Ghosts in the Snow. Not that that’s a problem. As she has mentioned on her blog, she wrote Threads as a stand-alone — no knowledge of Ghosts necessary.

I think it’s a good thing that I read Threads first. Tam commits more than a few heinous acts in Threads, jaw-dropping moments when I thought: No. She didn’t. Oh sweet Lord NO, she DID! Did I read that right? She couldn’t have! . . . and so forth.

(And Tam seems so gentle and soft-spoken on her blog. It’s difficult to believe these words have flowed from her pen. Her muse must be one right bastard, a genuine Mr. Hyde.)

Anyway, thanks to Threads, I figured Tam was capable of anything — thus making Ghosts all the more suspenseful. Here’s the set-up: someone’s killing the naughty girls of Castle Faldorrah, killing them in ways that would make Jack the Ripper beam with admiration. Dubric Byerly, Castellan of Faldorrah, must find the murderer. Dubric is Faldorrah’s top cop and, thanks to a run-in decades ago with the Goddess Malanna, he’s cursed with ghosts. Specifically, the ghosts of all those who have been killed on Dubric’s watch plague him until he brings their killer to justice. Only then can Dubric rest easy.

Hell of a carrot and stick, eh?

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The light of the past

One of the cooler things about being Jewish: thanks to the International Jewish Conspiracy, we have no shortage of books and movies about the Jewish experience — way out of proportion to our numbers, matter of fact. Way to go, IJC!

Add Everything is Illuminated to the list of post-Holocaust Judenangstflicken. (How’s that for some nifty on-the-spot German noun construction?) I rented it to get my fill of this guy, Eugene Hütz, front man for Gogol Bordello, and the movie does satisfy my craving for all things Hütz. He’s terrific as the smart-dancing, smooth-talking Alex Perchov, Jonathan Safran Foer’s Ukrainian translator. Pat and Kate are right: Hütz and the dog, Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., the seeing eye bitch are the best things in this film — although Grandpa Perchov has some merit, too.

What sucks, and sucks badly, is Jonathan Safran Foer’s character, played by sometimes-Hobbit Elijah Wood. Wood is an über-creepy collector. He puts everything into baggies — pebbles, notes, photos, a hapless grasshopper, his grandmother’s false teeth — and pins them to his bedroom wall. If there were a severed human finger or three up there, I wouldn’t be surprised. Indeed, I kept flashing on another Wood character, Kevin from Sin City: the same lack of affect, the same frigid stare.

I’m telling you, Jonathan is creepy. Creeeeepy. It’s hard not to feel sympathy for Grandpa and Grandson Perchov, schlepping this nebbish all across the Ukrainian outback in search of — in search of what, exactly? Jonathan has a photo, a necklace, and two names, the name of a shtetl and the name of the woman who saved his grandfather’s life when the Nazis invaded Russia.

What Jonathan doesn’t have is motivation. This business of him being a collector makes his present obsession seem little more than a demented compulsion to add another dozen baggies to his wall. We see nothing of Jonathan’s inner life, understand nothing about what makes him tick. In the end, we’re left with little sense that he is changed, other than some vague idea of connectedness to the people of the Ukraine. (Oh. He likes dogs now. Big whoop.) Is anything illuminated for Jonathan?

None of this surprises me. I don’t claim to know much about Buddhism, but I know this: enlightenment isn’t easy. And yet Jonathan’s supposed enlightenment comes after a nearly trouble-free search and no personal sacrifice.

Everything is illuminated in the light of the past, young Alex says. Thank heavens Alex narrates the movie; this identifies him as the main character. That’s a good thing, because it is Alex’s character that evolves most over the course of the film. Odd, isn’t it? The movie is based on a book of the same name by Jonathan Safran Foer. Foer even does a cameo near the beginning of the film. You’d think maybe the movie was about Foer.

Maybe I’m pissed because I dislike manipulation. The grandfather choked me up with remembrances of my own grandfather. The character made me realize how little I understood my grandfather, and how I’ll never understand him now. And how I never had a chance to say goodbye to him.

But the emotion began and ended in me. The movie was merely a prompt. Unlike The Book Thief, which touched me because I cared for the characters, Everything is Illuminated achieved its pathos through a Spielbergian plucking-of-heartstrings. As for the characters, only Eugene Hütz’s Alex felt both three-dimensional and comfortably human. Jonathan is a paper-thin neurotic. Alex’s grandfather — a character with enormous potential for drama and poignancy — exits in so baffling a manner as to undermine the entire film.

My bottom line: watch it for Hütz and Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., the seeing eye bitch. Try not to get distracted by its oversimplified take on the Holocaust. Or view it as I did, as a small, unambitious look at the subject of faith. The film says little about what it means to be Jewish in the post-Holocaust world, but it does have a few worthwhile things to say about turning one’s back on Judaism.

Here’s another plus/minus review of the movie (that’s where I stole the photo), and here’s a Salon review of the book. Hmm. I’m not sure I want to read the book, considering their recommendation is to skim half of it!

D.

It snuck up on me

The Book Thief
by
Markus Zusak

The Book Thief makes me think of so many things: of being ten, having to write a book report for English, and thinking of nothing better than, “This book was really good. You should read it”; of being a Jewish kid growing up in the 60s and 70s, getting force-fed the Holocaust to the point that I couldn’t take it any more.

All right, already, I wanted to tell my Hebrew School teachers. I won’t forget.

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Son of Godawful? Mostly.

Let’s get one thing straight right from the start. The villain of The Da Vinci Code is NOT albino, dammit. He’s leucistic. Look at his eyes — they’re blue, not pink. Trust me on this. So you albino rights groups can chill out right now.

(Edited to add: okay, according to Karen, I effed up on this one. Turns out albinism is a complex condition with more than one possible genetic basis. Some folks with this condition have red eyes, but many have light blue eyes. My bad. I’m sympathetic to the albinos, by the way. It’s stupid — no, worse than that, it’s lazy writing — to use color as code for evil. So stop it, Hollywood, stop it right now!)

But you’re not here for a biology lecture, are you? You want the dish on The DVC. It’s below the cut.

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Review of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine #22

ASIM #22 features some mighty fine stories. My review is up on Tangent Online. (If that link doesn’t work, try this one.) And here’s the link to ASIM if you’d like to subscribe.

D.

Review of Analog, October 2005

Here’s the link to my review of Analog, October 2005. If that glitches for some reason, you can always go straight to Tangent.

D.

Review of Asimov’s, September 2005

Check out my review over at Tangent Online.

Jake and I spent SEVEN HOURS at the Del Norte County Fair today, so forgive me if the creative centers of my brain are temporarily neutered. Read the post below. Now, that one was funny.

D.

Lethem on Chandler


Gun, with Occasional Music by Jonathan Lethem

During internship, I gave all my Chandler paperbacks to an old black man dying of laryngeal cancer. He spent his time in an eight-bed ward, nothing to do but watch TV (one TV for the whole ward, forever tuned to the Spanish language channel), and when I found out he liked to read mysteries, I thought I’d do something nice.

Parting with those paperbacks was like loaning out a stack of letters written to me by my best friend. I’m not usually the type to get sappy about my books, but — The Big Sleep! Farewell, My Lovely! Take my left nut while you’re at it.

There’s something almost painfully endearing about Chandler’s protagonist, Philip Marlowe. I can’t think of a more sympathetic fictional character. There’s more to Marlowe than just smart-ass wisecracks (that’s about all you get from most movie Marlowes — even Bogie, God bless him). More than just his self-effacing humor, or his White Knight ethos. For me, it’s the fact that Marlowe has a vision of how things should be, and he’s inevitably dissapointed. He’s a chivalrous character in a world that relegates its Knights to wax museums.

The few SF-noir-hardboiled hybrids I’ve read usually don’t get it. You can’t do this on snarky smart-alecky patter alone. It’s not enough that your protag, at least once in the novel, drinks hard, is sapped on the head, gets slipped a mickey, runs afoul of the police, and falls for the dangerous dame. You can’t turn Chandler into a formula like that. The only way you can do Chandler is to do Marlowe.

Halfway through Gun, with Occasional Music, I told Karen that Lethem got all the elements right, but didn’t truly get Chandler. By two-thirds of the way through, I’d changed my mind. And if I had any remaining doubt that Lethem understands Chandler, it vanished after I read an interview he did with Trudy Wyss, for Borders. Here’s a relevant excerpt:

The Chandler detective is one who’s self-aware to just a degree where he can see the absurdity of his own actions, and particularly of the urge to rescue other people. That’s something Chandler was very tormented about: What does it mean to try to be a hero? To be a white knight in a kind of crumbling world?

And he’s just also such a beautiful writer. The secret of Chandler is that he’s really very romantic. Behind all that ennui there’s this enormous yearning that causes him to reach, in this very precarious way, for all sorts of beautiful phrases and unlikely poetic comparisons. And then he’s always making fun of himself for doing it at the same time. That’s why writers obsess over Chandler–because he’s found a way to have his lyricism and make fun of it at the same time.

So, yeah, he gets it, and in Gun, with Occasional Music, he’s proven that he gets it.*

Conrad Metcalf is a private inquisitor in a world where questions have all the political correctness of the N-word. Here, Celeste Stanhunt, wife of the murder victim, is talking to Metcalf:

“I’ve answered enough questions today to last a lifetime. Let’s see some identification, or I’m calling in the heat.”

“The heat?” I smiled. “That’s ugly talk.”

“You’re using a lot of ugly punctuation.” She stuck out a hand. “Let’s see it, tough boy.”

It’s an interesting world, not immediately recognizable as a dystopia. One of the beauties of the novel is the way it sneaks up on you like a revelation, exactly how dystopian this place is. The written word is all but extinct, and the spoken word is endangered. Morning news on the radio consists of mood music: the listener must intuit local and world events by the flavor of orchestration. Television news consists of clipped images — politicians smiling, shaking hands, kissing babies. Nearly everyone uses drugs (with names like Forgettol, Regrettol, Addictol) and, guess what, this junk is free courtesy of the government. As time passes, what at first seemed quirky becomes, by turns, ominous, and then outright nightmarish.

That’s why I had my doubts about Gun early on. At first it seemed that Lethem’s approach to Chandler was a sort of novel-sized Mad Lib. For cops, substitute Public Inquisitors; for rye whiskey, substitute make (the individual’s personal blend of drugs; Metcalf’s is “skewed heavily towards Acceptol, with just a touch of Regrettol to provide that bittersweet edge, and enough addictol to keep me craving it even in my darkest moments.”) For the lower class — ubiquitous in Chandler’s work — substitute evolved animals. There’s a kangaroo here you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley.

But things change. The mystery unfolds as it deepens, time passes, caprice becomes meaning. The author has a plan, but I won’t spoil it by telling you. Trust me, trust Lethem.

Gun was Lethem’s first novel, so in fairness we should compare it to The Big Sleep. Like The Big Sleep, the mystery in Gun is, ultimately, a secondary concern. You could quibble over it, but you should bear in mind a much-repeated (and possibly apocryphal) story about Chandler. Humphrey Bogart (Marlowe in the first film version of The Big Sleep) and director Howard Hawks got into an argument over who killed the chauffeur — or was it suicide? Chandler replied that he didn’t know, either. (In another version of the story, it was Jack Warner who telegrammed Chandler with the question. When Chandler couldn’t answer it, Warner billed him 75 cents for the telegram.) Point being, if you’re here for the mystery, then you’re no fun at all.

Post script: My patient didn’t do well. Laryngectomy, fistula, recurrence, sepsis. “Piss-poor protoplasm” is how docs put it when we’re around each other and have to wear our stony faces. He had no family, no friends. When he died in the 10th Floor step-down ICU, I was Intern On-Call, and I had to come to his bedside to pronounce him dead, and I was probably the only one in the hospital who gave a damn about him. Some of you might say, “He would have liked it that way,” but I think he would have preferred not being dead. That would have been my choice.

D.

*Those of you who read this blog regularly may be wondering if I’m incapable of giving a bad review. That I leave all the snarkiness to my wife — the classic good cop, bad cop. Maybe you’re even wondering if I love everything I read, and that I would wax poetic over the ingredients list of Safeway’s Very Maple cookies.

But I don’t.

What’s the point in trash-talking a book, no matter how elegant, logical, and/or humorous that trash-talk may be? Do you really need to know that I sped-read Chris Roberson’s Here, There & Everywhere last night, and now I want my money back? Or that I gave up on Brin’s Kiln People in less than one hundred pages because he can’t control his damned exclamation points? No. You don’t need to know that. And you won’t find snark like that on these electronic pages.

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