Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Category Archives: such as it is
Nose to the electron gun
I had hopes that yesterday’s post would vault my hits into, if not four-digit territory, at least above-250-hits-a-day territory, but no, I gave you Alan Rickman, and what do you do? You stay away from your computers. You spend time with your families. The nerve.
Mind you, the post itself was a shmata, chazzerai, but the comments . . . oy! To die for.
I spent the day catching up on my Tangent assignment. With the way my work days have been, I knew that if I didn’t post my review today, I wouldn’t finish it until next weekend. I’m already late on it, but Eugie is such a sweetie, she hasn’t even griped.
I can’t believe tomorrow is already Monday. I am so not into this work thing.
D.
This should be good.
My 80-year-old dad and my 77-year-old mom went to see Brokeback Mountain the other day.
They thought they were going to see a traditional Hollywood Western.
I’ve been too busy to call them, but when I do, I’ll say, “So. How was the movie?”
Here’s how today went:
Up at 6:30 AM.
Operating from 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM.
Catching up on office work, surfing, and blogging: 3:30 to 6:00.
Hospital committee meeting: 6:00 to 8:00.
Home at about 8:20.
Chess with Jake until 10:00.
I’m going to type up Jake’s homework for tomorrow, and then I’m going to crash. G’night, moon.
D.
Best of the Best-ofs
Once again, Steve Gilliard says it better than I ever could.
Over at HuffPo, Seth Greenland gives us Dubya’s top 10 New Year’s Resolutions.
I’ve learned to make resolutions which are within the realm of possibility. Thus:
1. Lose five pounds.
2. Sign up at another gym (my favorite one closed) and, um, like, actually use the place.
3. Lose my temper with my son 25% less.
4. Finish editing TBC and send out queries.
5. Write my congressmen (yeah, they’re all guys) every time I think my head might explode.
And because I really really hate living in a warehouse . . .
6. Get flooring and countertops!
We’ll revisit this next year.
To all of my readers: you’re my friends. Well, not that nasty-assed guy who kept posting crap when I wrote about the neo-Nazi blonde singing duo, but the rest of you, yeah. I wish all the best for you and your families.
Happy New Year!
D.
Feeling sluggish today
Remember the old (really old) Saturday Night Live skit about Puppy Uppers and Doggy Downers? I need some Puppy Uppers. One mug of coffee and too much Christmas chocolate to mention — well, it’s just not cutting it.
This day seems like it’s lasting forever.
Best line of the day:
I ask my pediatric patient if he has any more questions.
Patient: “Yeah. Where do kitties come from?”
Me: “Mama cats.”
Patient: “Cool!”
I thought about doing the old, “The mama cat and the daddy cat loved each other very, very much” routine, but then I would have started imitating cats having sex (“Rrooowerrrowr yeeeow rrowllllreeeeer yowelllrrowl!”) and someone would have reported me to the State Board for sure.
It’s only a matter of time.
D.
PS: Oy. I’ve been edged out of the BlogTopSites #22 spot by a blogger who posts shopping lists. Shopping lists.
Ching ching
Karen’s watching Law and Order.
Again.
If I confront her on this, I know what she’ll say. “There’s nothing else on.” But I know the truth. We all know the truth, the unspeakable, shameful truth: Karen is a Law and Order addict.
A moment ago, desperate for some shred of hope, I googled support group for Law and Order addicts, and found this page. Here are some excerpts:
“but there i was, again, glued to the TV for what seems like an endless parade of episodes of Law & Order. i’m beginning to realize that you can see this wonderful, wonderful show (or one of it’s spinoffs) at almost any time during the day or night on one channel or another.”
“I wish there were something like a methadone clinic for us addicts.”
“When I found out that TNT and USA were playing different episodes at the same time, I couldn’t handle it. I cracked. I sold my baby girl into white slavery and used the money to buy a second TV.”
Okay, I made that last one up, but can we at least begin to talk about Chronic Ohrbachitis and the dreaded Waterston Ache? (Yes, it’s true: Law and Order addiction is no innocent dependency; it’s a disease.) Even CNN.com acknowledges the seriousness of this problem.
Are you an addict? Take this simple test. Read the first the first five words of the next paragraph, and then close your eyes. If you can finish the paragraph without peeking, you’re an addict.
“In the criminal justice system, [OKAY, CLOSE ‘EM!] the people are represented by two separate, yet equally-important groups — the police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.â€
And who, Mr. Know-it-all Unseen Voice, Mr. “I hyphenate adverb-adjective pairings,” who represents the spouses of Law and Order addicts?
Then, a few years ago, the cancer metastasized. Law and Order begat CI, CSI, SVU, SUV, FBI, IOU, and ESP. With each of these spinoffs ripping their stories fresh from the headlines, what will we do when there are no headlines left to rip?
D.
Just a little off the top, thanks
A few thoughts today on circumcision . . .
I’m plunging into the topic of male circumcision with more than a little bias. I like my pupik* the way it is, and I’m not about to change it by “foreskin restoration techniques,” non-surgical or otherwise. My defensive hackles are raised whenever I hear this sort of inflammatory rhetoric from the anti-circumcision faction:
Sharper image
Yup, it took me all of about two days to get sick of that buff-me photoshopped image. I’ve replaced it with a cute poison dart frog. Look at the full-sized image here.
Gradually, it dawned on me that folks wouldn’t take me seriously if I looked all ‘roided out. On the other hand, if I look like a venomous frog, they’ll surely pay attention.
We’ll see how long this lasts.
D.
Note added in proof:
Hmm. That “No, you may not breed with me” bit has taken on new layers of meaning.
Stamper’s paradise
This one’s for my sister. (For the rest of my readers, skim through to the end. I won’t disappoint you.)
I missed her birthday this week, which I would like to say is a rare occurrence, but my memory says otherwise. I remembered to call (see? there have been worse years) but it’s still rather slovenly to forget like this. I mean, she never forgets my birthday, or Jake’s. (more…)
Dream a little dream
Jona has been messing around with her dreams lately, trying her best to remember them. Sounds innocent enough, huh? BUT (cue scary organ music) that’s how it starts. Dreams are a risky business, but I’m not sure any of you will believe me. (more…)