Now I know what’s been missing in my life.

Will Smith hasn’t made a movie since 2008.

In 2008, he made Hancock, a great flick in case you’ve never seen it — definitely a good one to watch on cable or rent on NetFlix. He also made the awful Seven Pounds, which we’ll forget about, since every star is allowed the occasional dog.

On his IMDB page, take a look at his “in development” list: thirty films. I realize he won’t make all of these, maybe not even the majority, but thirty? Is he going to clone himself? Isn’t he worried about oversaturation?

In other news: did you know Ernest Borgnine is still turning out movies? He’s been in a lot of low profile productions, but look at 2010 for him: four films in post-production. Productive at age 93, how blessed is that? Hell, he even has Mickey Rooney beat (two films in post-production at age 90).

And if you’re at all curious who has Ernie Borgnine beat, check Answer Bag.

D.

C for COOKIE!

Probably only funny if you love V for Vendetta as much as I do, but here goes anyway.

D.

, June 26, 2010. Category: asides.

The five faces of God

Having much fun over at the Discovery News website — specifically, comments to the article The Higgs Boson May Have ‘Five Faces’.

For example, Charles and Lubos can’t seem to agree whether it’s correct to say “down to the Planck scale” or “up to the Planck scale,” and I fear they may come to blows over the difference of one word. From Lubos,

Dear Charles, in this physics terminology, “Planck scale” means “Planck energy”. If you still don’t understand this simple point, you should patiently sit down and modestly learn that it is the case and why it is the case, instead of spreading arrogant (and wrong) statements on the Internet.

Once again, the right wording is “up to the Planck scale”, not “down to the Planck scale”, because the Planck scale is at the very top. I agree that precise language is needed in an exact science. That’s why I am correcting your errors.

Meanwhile, the starry-eyed crowd has to put in their two cents. From commenter Thomas,

The five faces of the Higgs boson in ancient Indian philosophy are called the tanmatras(five senses) which then produce the mahbutas(five gross elements), akasa (aether), ap (water), agni (fire), prithvi (earth), and vayu (wind). Always brings a smile when modern science grasps a little of the ancient wisdom. We truly do not need super colliders, we are the super colliders. All of these elements can be observed in meditation, as observed by ancient paintings of the DNA helix, molecules, and mitochondria. Control the breath, still the mind, there you will find a more perfect laboratory, and save a ton of money and resources. =)

To which Terry replies,

Thomas, does it not bother you that you are talking complete and utter sh!te?

No response yet from Thomas.

Watch the video in that link. Starts out simply enough, rapidly descends into postgraduate physics.

Also at Discovery News: Cinema’s Top 5 Time Travel Techniques.

D.

Back when I still liked Fleetwood Mac

Great stuff.

D.

, June 25, 2010. Category: Music.

Stop talking a moment so that I can SCREAM

Craigslist personals never cease to amuse me. Here’s a woman who knows exactly what she likes (A):

Hi, I am a 36 yr old married white female looking for some extramarital fun. I am very happily married. Not looking for love or a replacement daddy for my children just looking for someone that likes to play and have fun. My ideal playmate is tall 5’11 or more, strong, confident and handsome not to thin usually 200 lbs or more . I am 5 foot 7inches and weigh 175 lbs. I like a man that will text to make me smile when I am lost in the daily duties of being a mother and housewife. That will ask me to go out and meet him for some intimate time and walk away feeling satisfied and pleased and will message or email when the hunger for me returns…hopefully often. I do not like or desire someone that will bash on my husband (he has no inadequacies, trust me Please, I know times are tough for a lot of people but have a way to support yourself and do not live with your parents…you know what I mean (B). I would like a mature man that is somewhat close to my age so that we will have something in common and be able to have a conversation when not busy taking care of each other’s more carnal needs. Someone that can meet in public without worries of someone seeing and that can when the time is right take me home for play or to a hotel. I am not looking to sneak or hide my husband knows and encourages my extra play, so please be single or if married be able to go out in public dancing, drinks extra not just straight to a hotel room. If you can only meet during the daytime that is not okay with me (C). I want to keep this honest so here is the deal (D) my husband enjoys me playing and it’s great to please him and get pleasure at the same time, I have never done this without him there, The ideal situation would be you being comfortable with him there watching sometimes, actually The first time together would have to be with him there, after that hopefully I pleased you enough that you want more and will text me and let me know I am on your mind and want more and we can get together alone in between the times we could also include husband (E).

If this interests you please email and send a pic….please save the dirty pics till after we get to talking honestly if you are hot and make me feel beautiful and touch me the right way your package will be great no matter what the size. Please have read the entire ad and only respond if you are okay with everything in it (F). Also I have always wanted to ride on a motorcycle and never have so if you have a bike that is bonus, does not get you a free pass though. (G)

(A) And she sure as hell doesn’t like commas.
(B) You mean you don’t like deadbeats who live with their parents . . . right?
(C) By now, the Venn Diagram’s intersection measures about one square micron.
(D) Uh oh.
(E) As for what my husband wants — um, we’re not being that honest just yet.
(F) Get many responses, ma’am?
(G) But it has to be a Harley because Hondas are so bourgeoisie, and not one of those tricked out Harleys, either, and it has to have a good muffler, and you had better have a cute helmet for me to wear, too, and not one that will give me hat hair.

D.

, June 24, 2010. Category: asides.

Wherein I get told by a five-year-old

My patient is wearing this cute white-and-blue thing, kind of tie-dyed with raggedy frills sewn on here and there, Flash Dance meets the 60s hippie chic. She’s terribly cute.

“What a pretty dress!” I told her. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” Which was true.

“Thank you,” she said. Then, “But it’s not a dress. It’s a skirt plus a top.”

I frowned at her, as ogre-like as I could make myself. “What do I know? I’m a guy.”

And then her mom and I cracked up and I couldn’t get any more work done for the next couple minutes.

D.

Antipasto dinner

Antipasto for dinner? Yeah, really! If you’ve never tried this, you should. It’s dead easy, tasty, and healthy (depending upon what you put on the plate).

Here is what tonight’s antipasto included:

Baguette slices
A very runny brie
An Irish cheese, some smoked gouda, and one of my favorite cheeses, manchego
Hard Italian salami, coppa, prosciutto, and mortadella
A peeled carrot
Chorizo
Red grapes and honey
Dried mango

You’re only limited by your imagination (as you might have guessed by my inclusion of dried mango and chorizo). I’ll often include a sliced apple or pear, and dry-roasted almonds or walnuts. Honey is a must — there’s just something so right about dipping nuts and grapes into honey and contrasting that with a sharp cheese.

Other times, I’ve included pate, which I guess is the same idea as chorizo: something a little spicy and fatty, as if the cheese weren’t fatty enough. Olives are a nice addition, too, as are gherkins or those giant capers.

Done right, you’ll have all the major flavors and textures represented (and with a little care, you can get a number of different colors onto the plate, too). It’s a pricey thing to put together but you’ll have lots of good leftovers in the fridge.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

D.

PS: I stole this photo from my friend Stan’s facebook page because I miss him and Jayna and Elissa, and I love this photo so much. Oh, how I miss them.

Happy Father's Day, Stan!

Happy Father's Day, Stan!

, June 21, 2010. Category: Food, Pix.

Come on, are these even words?

Ten winning words for a recent National Spelling Bee, of which I knew the meaning of four. No, five. Definitely five. (How about you?)

Meanings below the fold.

Scrannel
Matsutake
Rhabdomyoma
Brumalia
Leguleian
Villicus
Bacalao
Mirin
Genethliac
Bundestag

(more…)

Thoughts on watching Season 1, Program 1 of Saturday Night Live

My brother and I discovered Saturday Night Live in its second season. I remember the first skit we saw: Chevy Chase playing a crooner named Peter Lemon Yellow Moodring, who changed color depending on the subject matter of his songs. Weekend Update soon followed, and it didn’t take long to realize that what we were seeing was a whole different animal than Laugh In or The Smothers Brothers or The Carol Burnett Show.

But I missed that first season altogether, and because I’ve been too cheap to buy it on DVD, I still hadn’t seen any of Season One, until tonight, when it occurred to me that I should see if I can stream it from NetFlix.

Yup.

Funny: in the opening credits, the usually flawless Don Pardo screwed up “The Not Ready For Prime Time Players” — the “prime time not ready players,” I think he said.

Interesting indeed to watch the crew feel around for what works and what doesn’t. George Carlin hosted; back then, but hosting then wasn’t like hosting afterward. He did several brief stand-up bits, much of which was too tame (at least by modern standards — yeah, I know I’m being unfair). He introduced the musical guests (Janice Ian and Billy Preston) and looked kind of uncomfortable.

Yes, Sis, Janice Ian sung your least favorite song ever and did a damn fine job of it. Her second song was less memorable. Oh, yeah — not only were there TWO musical guests, but they each got to do two songs. AND we got the Muppets, a couple of other stand-up comics (Andy Kaufman, doing his edgy-but-is-it-funny? Mighty Mouse shtick, and Second City alum Valri Bromfield), and a film by Albert Brooks. Truly a variety show.

Sad that so many of them are gone now: John Belushi, Gilda Radner, and George Carlin. Andy Kaufman (maybe).

As the show rapped up, I kept expecting to hear the opening music to Don Kirschner’s Rock Concert.

Where were you in 1975? (Shaina, don’t answer that.)

D.

, June 19, 2010. Category: asides.

Faux moral outrage over a slug of metal

One of my favorite coins is the Standing Liberty Quarter, which enjoyed a run from 1916 to 1930, only to be supplanted by the ever popular Washington Quarter. Here’s the Standing Liberty:

standing_liberty_quarter

As a kid, I possessed a low grade Standing Liberty, one so worn I could only make out Liberty’s silhouette and the general outlines of the obverse. To me, it looked like Liberty was hitchhiking out on Main Street, or perhaps trying to pull tricks. Imagine my surprise when I finally saw a high grade 1917 Standing Liberty and realized she was showing a wee bit of boob.

liberty_the_amazon

With a jeweler’s loupe, you can make out the vaguest hint of nipple. Her breast looks well suckled, certainly not one of the pert silicone boobs we’ve come to expect in the last 40 years. She’s undeniably 100% woman (which is more than I can say for a lot of Liberties over the years — check out Barber’s Liberty, for example). And she was too much women for some Americans of the time.

Religious leaders had a Holy Cow, calling the coin “filthy” and “obscene” and whipping their flocks into a frenzy. Heaven help us all if little Jimmy got hold of both a quarter and a jeweler’s loupe. Organized protests of the immoral bit of metal forced Congress to commission a change in the, um, change. Designer Hermon A. MacNeil obliged.

Not shown: Liberty's chastity belt

Not shown: Liberty's chastity belt

He gave Miss Liberty a chain mail shift.

Hmm . . . sexier legs, too. That dog.

I’d buy lots and lots of these if I could, but they’re fairly expensive in the higher grades. Guess I’ll stick to my Jefferson nickels.

D.