Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Stop talking a moment so that I can SCREAM
Craigslist personals never cease to amuse me. Here’s a woman who knows exactly what she likes (A):
Hi, I am a 36 yr old married white female looking for some extramarital fun. I am very happily married. Not looking for love or a replacement daddy for my children just looking for someone that likes to play and have fun. My ideal playmate is tall 5’11 or more, strong, confident and handsome not to thin usually 200 lbs or more . I am 5 foot 7inches and weigh 175 lbs. I like a man that will text to make me smile when I am lost in the daily duties of being a mother and housewife. That will ask me to go out and meet him for some intimate time and walk away feeling satisfied and pleased and will message or email when the hunger for me returns…hopefully often. I do not like or desire someone that will bash on my husband (he has no inadequacies, trust me Please, I know times are tough for a lot of people but have a way to support yourself and do not live with your parents…you know what I mean (B). I would like a mature man that is somewhat close to my age so that we will have something in common and be able to have a conversation when not busy taking care of each other’s more carnal needs. Someone that can meet in public without worries of someone seeing and that can when the time is right take me home for play or to a hotel. I am not looking to sneak or hide my husband knows and encourages my extra play, so please be single or if married be able to go out in public dancing, drinks extra not just straight to a hotel room. If you can only meet during the daytime that is not okay with me (C). I want to keep this honest so here is the deal (D) my husband enjoys me playing and it’s great to please him and get pleasure at the same time, I have never done this without him there, The ideal situation would be you being comfortable with him there watching sometimes, actually The first time together would have to be with him there, after that hopefully I pleased you enough that you want more and will text me and let me know I am on your mind and want more and we can get together alone in between the times we could also include husband (E).
If this interests you please email and send a pic….please save the dirty pics till after we get to talking honestly if you are hot and make me feel beautiful and touch me the right way your package will be great no matter what the size. Please have read the entire ad and only respond if you are okay with everything in it (F). Also I have always wanted to ride on a motorcycle and never have so if you have a bike that is bonus, does not get you a free pass though. (G)
(A) And she sure as hell doesn’t like commas.
(B) You mean you don’t like deadbeats who live with their parents . . . right?
(C) By now, the Venn Diagram’s intersection measures about one square micron.
(D) Uh oh.
(E) As for what my husband wants — um, we’re not being that honest just yet.
(F) Get many responses, ma’am?
(G) But it has to be a Harley because Hondas are so bourgeoisie, and not one of those tricked out Harleys, either, and it has to have a good muffler, and you had better have a cute helmet for me to wear, too, and not one that will give me hat hair.
D.
What are the chances this woman is just screwing with people to get off on the replies? Or am I admitting how little I know about Craig’s List?
The sad thing is that she probably got a ton of replies. There is a significant portion of the male population that will fuck anything.
Me – even assuming I could get Chris to agree*, and assuming I met all the other conditions, I just couldn’t get past D and E – doing it while her husband watches? EWWW.
* We’ve been sucked into an alternate universe, say.
Sis: I’m quite sure Craigslist attracts all kinds, including folks who get off on getting other people riled.
Dean: yes, I agree — and I doubt most of the guys reading this section are going to be thrilled to have a HIM on board.