Maureen Dowd fixes a Judy Miller kebab
Peking Duck has reprinted Maureen Dowd‘s Op-Ed piece in full*. In “Woman of Mass Destruction,” Ms. Dowd begins by examining what she likes (liked?) about Judith Miller. I get the sense it’s a case of one strong woman admiring another. Then Ms. Dowd reminisces about Miller’s bitch mode:
Once when I was covering the first Bush White House, I was in The Times’s seat in the crowded White House press room, listening to an administration official’s background briefing. Judy had moved on from her tempestuous tenure as a Washington editor to be a reporter based in New York, but she showed up at this national security affairs briefing.
At first she leaned against the wall near where I was sitting, but I noticed that she seemed agitated about something. Midway through the briefing, she came over and whispered to me, “I think I should be sitting in the Times seat.”
It was such an outrageous move, I could only laugh. I got up and stood in the back of the room, while Judy claimed what she felt was her rightful power perch.
She never knew when to quit. That was her talent and her flaw.
Ms. Dowd succinctly covers the flaming arc of Miller’s career, and closes with what we’ve all been thinking:
I admire Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and Bill Keller for aggressively backing reporters in the cross hairs of a prosecutor. But before turning Judy’s case into a First Amendment battle, they should have nailed her to a chair and extracted the entire story of her escapade.
Judy told The Times that she plans to write a book and intends to return to the newsroom, hoping to cover “the same thing I’ve always covered – threats to our country.” If that were to happen, the institution most in danger would be the newspaper in your hands.
Hmm. That assumes The Times would have her back; yet it’s looking more and more likely that she’ll soon be out on her butt. That’s okay. With her unique brand of inflammatory fiction, I’m sure the Weekly World News would have her. Let her cover the Bat Boy Beat.
At the moment, the liveliest discussion on this Op-Ed can be found at Huffington Post.
D.
*Such tactics are necessary because the NY Times now buries its most popular Op-Ed items (Dowd, Rich, etc.) in the Times Select Black Hole. Screw them. Their paper is in a state of crisis thanks to Miller, and what do they do? Alienate people by trying to score a buck.
Good eats
It has been ages since I blogged about sex — four whole days, if you count my recent nut sack memoir. When I look back at the past few days, I have to ask myself: Why all this angst over the state of medicine, when I could be talking about oral sex?
Check out that photo of Einstein. Not too many people know this, but it was this very photo which snagged Marilyn Monroe. One look at it and you just know Al could do the velvet bandsaw.
I contend that there isn’t enough oral sex in the world. Dubya’s second term would be far more successful if Laura cut the librarian act and pushed his head into the thatch once in a while. Dubya has clearly forgotten that his primary job is to serve the people, and service begins at home. Get lickin’, George! Look at your dad smoochin’ Barbara in the bleachers. G.H.W. Bush knows what to do with his mouth. All those goofy things Babs said at the Astrodome? That’s cuz G.H.W. had just sucked her silly, and 9/10 of her blood supply was devoted to a raging case of fem wood.
Yeah, there’s not enough oral sex in the world, especially among the religious right and the neocons. Clearly, if they aren’t getting any, they don’t want anyone else to, either. You know what we need? We need a bumper sticker campaign.
Eat a Muffin and Save a Soul
Fortunately for the world, the times may be changing.
A recent study reported that half of all teens in America (ages 15 to 19) have had oral sex. This study had a couple of interesting angles. First, numbers of guys and girls on the giving end were roughly equal, thus dispelling any sexist notions you might have that guys were browbeating their girls into going down on them. Go guys! You’ve clearly learned an important life lesson: ‘Tis better to give than to receive. Or, Thou shouldst damn well give if ye expect to receive. Something like that.
Second, and most disturbingly, there’s a trend among today’s youth to regard oral sex as a less than intimate act. Remember the baseball rules of high school sex? In my day, oral sex was a triple. Nowadays, it’s a walk.
Honestly, I don’t understand this. Your mouth is your most intimate organ. Think about it! It’s right next to your brain. You talk with it. You eat with it.
French kissing is the most intimate sex act. Sixty-nine is a close runner up. Screwing? It doesn’t even come close.
Doesn’t it say something that you can be unconscious and have intercourse? Only one person needs to be awake, and I’m not even sure about that. Considering the fact that guys get wood during REM sleep, it might be possible for two lovers sleeping in the buff to just sort of roll against each other in just the right way. It could happen.
I wonder if Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have oral sex. Considering that Michelle has had fourteen vaginal deliveries, the possibilities are, well, wide open.
Me: Aw, come on. I got myself all hot and bothered writing tonight’s blog.
Karen: No. Uh-uh. This is a slippery slope —
Me: Hopefully.
Karen: If I give in to you on this, you’ll do nothing but blog about sex. Think how bad that will be for your traffic.
Me: Shows what you know.
Parting shot:
Wilma Flintstone or Betty Rubble? To hell with that; did you ever see any of the episodes where Pebbles and Bam Bam had grown up? I’ll take Pebbles. She looked tasty. Betty & Wilma were frumpy to the max.
D.
Dammit, I was certain I’d be Inigo Montoya
Which Fantasy/SF dumbass are you?
I’m John Sheridan. Who the fV(k? I never watched Babylon 5. How could I be like this dweeb?
Karen got Jean Luc Picard and Jake got Wesley Crusher. Somehow, I don’t feel like I’m in the right family. (I was kinda hoping Karen would get Seven of Nine, but no such luck.)
On a lighter note, this image made me feel all warm and cozy. (Beth, do NOT click on that link! It shows a small spider in a person’s ear canal. You’ve been warned.)
Okay, want some serious reading? Check out the post below.
D.
Getting out the vote
Thanks to Marlys, Bonnie, Lingual, Daisy, and Scott for responding promptly on the vote. Just a tease: with five votes in, there is no clear cut front-runner. Seems y’all like your bad sex dished up in different ways.
The rest of you: get crackin!
heheheheheheh he said crack.
D.
Friedman’s Op-Ed: Leading by (Bad) Example
Good government and good parenting are not too dissimilar.
Thanks to my dose of the Duggars last night, I’m thinking about child-rearing techniques. Seems to me the most effective technique is to set a proper example for your children*. What are the Duggars teaching their children? The “goodness” of conformity. Yeeech.
Thomas Friedman has written a fine op-ed piece on the Bush Administration’s “do as I say, not as I do” hypocrisy vis a vis Iraq. You can read the full text here, at fbihop. Bottom line: how do we expect to lead the world when the example we set at home is so atrocious?
Okay, folks, I have patients to see. More Duggar goodness later. (Big hair! Ruby lips! Slapstick editing techniques! And more!!!)
D.
*One of the main reasons I’m disappointed that Louisiana or FEMA never tapped me as a volunteer: it would have set a vivid example for my almost-ten-year-old son. I know my willingness to volunteer made some impression on him, but I think the lesson would have been much more memorable if I’d actually done the deed.
What kind of Muffin are you?
You are a Cartoon Muffin! You have a great sense
of humour and a quirky way of looking at
things. We always think you are joking, but
we’re never quite sure.
What kind of muffin are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Be forewarned: if you read all possible responses to the questions, I can’t vouch for the safety of your keyboard. Vomit, you know. Bad for delicate electronics.
One of these days when I have nothing but oodles of time on my hands, I’m going to author my own Quizilla quiz. The possibilities are endless. What kind of heathen are you? Or: What deadly sin are you? Or, my favorite: What kind of sexually transmitted disease are you? What do you think?
In preparation for Discovery Health Channel’s airing of that H.P. Lovecraft classic, The Duggar Horror — ah, excuse me, I mean 14 Children and Pregnant Again, I have put up a link to my Muffin Saga under This Week’s Favorites. We’re watching it Right The Fuck Now. And oh. My. God. Is it ever cutesy-pie.
***
I learned something fascinating from our town’s Red Cross director (at least, I think he’s our director; we weren’t introduced). He was deployed to Louisiana for the Katrina disaster. He told us lots of fun stories (like the one about the sheriff who hijacked a Red Cross food shipment at gunpoint, only to be arrested for theft hours later), but here’s the interesting bit:
Louisiana didn’t give out any temporary licensures to out-of-state volunteer physicans, nor did FEMA. WTF??? Over thirty thousand docs signed up to volunteer. Did the State or Federal governments make use of any of these volunteers?
I asked him if there were enough local physicians to cover the need. His response: “What local physicians?”
Go figure.
We need national licensure for physicians. If that’s too radical, we need some way to cut the bullshit red tape that keeps volunteers from volunteering. This is ridiculous.
D.
The Good Bad Sex Challenge: Voting Rules
1. Please note that two entries, I and O, are above the word limit. Sorry, folks, but rules is rules.
2. Please also note that we received another entry (P) just under the wire.
3. After reading the entries, please send me your vote. Clearly indicate your first place, second place, and third place pick. A simple “X, Y, Z” will tell me you want X in first place, Y in second, Z in third.
4. Only contestants may vote. The rest of you can make comments in response to this thread, if you like.
5. You may not vote for yourself.
6. E-mail me your vote at:
azureus
at
harborside
dot
com
7. If you’re one of the anonymous contestants, clearly indicate in your vote which entry belongs to you (that way, I’ll know you’re not voting for yourself).
My thanks go out to all entrants, even the guy with the happy knife. Great bad sex, folks!
D.
The Good Bad Sex Contest: All Entries
As of this writing, not all entries are eligible for the vote. See my last post (below).
I’ll post a voting thread tomorrow.
Click here to read all entries.
I’ve given up on trying to get Blogger’s Expandable Post feature to work — hence the link out :o(
D.
This is important!
Two contestants are over the word limit: LingualX (205) and d. (291). If you want to be eligible for the vote, please respond to this post with the edited version of your entry.
For the contest, I want to use Blogger’s “Read More!” feature (expandable post). I’ve followed the instructions, but it’s putting the “Read More!” blurb on all my posts. THIS IS NOT DESIRABLE. The FAQ makes it look like I can decide which posts have the “Read More!” What am I doing wrong?
For now, I’m going to change my “Read More!” to “Don’t click here.”
Out here, the Discovery Health Channel will be playing “Fourteen Children and Pregnant Again” tomorrow night. Karen and I will get to see the Duggar swarm for ourselves. Needless to say, if I see anything bloggable, you’ll be the first to know.
Think I’ve already milked the Duggar cow dry? (I love that image.) Think again. Look at what Rodney Dangerfield did with respect.
D.