Stomping on my punchline

Home } At the movies } Stomping on my punchline

If you haven’t seen my video yet, watch it. And rate it over at YouTube. Why don’t people do that? It’s so easy!

After talking to a lot of folks, it seems like few people can hear my patient’s punchline (the payoff for all of those “he likes animals” comments). I’m afraid I did a poor job balancing the music track and the vocal track at that point. Follow me below the fold for the punchline I trounced. (Watch the video first if you haven’t seen it; otherwise, this will be a spoiler.)

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, August 6, 2008. Category: At the movies.

Fressers

Home } Food } Fressers

This evening, I realized I’ve never told you the soft shell crab story. Oh, I’ve hinted at it on occasion, but I’ve never really put this one out there in all its gory detail.

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, August 5, 2008. Category: Food, Memoirist BS.

Wherein I act like a little bitch

Home } such as it is } Wherein I act like a little bitch

All I want to do is schedule a visit to a home we might want to rent.

Minimum Wage Doofus: [Name Redacted] Property Management.

Me: Hi. I’m calling about the house on [Address Redacted]. We’ll be in town on the 8th, and we’d like to —

MWD: You’ll need to download our application and return it to us with the twenty dollar application fee. If your credit report checks out, one of our agents will show you the property.

Me: I see. I need to cough up twenty dollars and THEN you’ll show me the house?

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, August 4, 2008. Category: such as it is.

Here’s the magnum opus.

Home } At the movies } Here’s the magnum opus.

A rural doctor takes his leave.

Enjoy.

D.

, August 3, 2008. Category: At the movies, Friends o' mine, Humor, The Barbarous Craft.

Posted without comment.

Home } Critter foo } Posted without comment.

D.

, August 2, 2008. Category: Critter foo, Mishpucha (mi familia).

Le bad poetry, sacre bleu

Home } Poetic mishaps } Le bad poetry, sacre bleu

See how many lines it takes for you to NAME THAT POET!

Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand’ring in star-flight
I know
He’ll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me.

The man was beyond shame.

I may have a short video for you . . . a little later.

D.

, August 2, 2008. Category: Poetic mishaps.

Movie #2

Home } At the movies } Movie #2

No, this isn’t the funny one. This is the one I’ll watch months from now with a trembling lip. Or at least I would if the video quality weren’t for shit! What is up with that? Is this a YouTube thing?

Tell me what you think. Boring? Amateurish? Purty?

D.

(Note: no, it’s not the Pebble Beach. But it’s our Pebble Beach.)

, August 1, 2008. Category: At the movies.

At the risk of appearing churlish

Home } Opium for the masses } At the risk of appearing churlish

Edited to add: It’s 11:14 PM. Only 46 minutes left of call in this community. Oops, make that 45. After that, several weeks will pass until I’m on call again.

What the hell will I do with myself? 

You knew I couldn’t leave Crescent City without

. . . one last narrowly averted airway disaster. I guess the Fates figured I still had a few hairs left to lose (or turn gray).

. . . one last patient who made us glad we keep disposable plastic sheets on our exam chair. Actually, we’ve had TWO of these people, and I’m still seeing patients until the 12th. Somehow, I think we’ll go through a few more of those sheets.

. . . one last brainsucker. For the fourth time, why are you here to see me today? Hint: it should have something to do with your ears, your nose, or your throat.

. . . one last (but not least) misguided attempt to convert me.

More on that one below the cut.

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, July 31, 2008. Category: Opium for the masses, pointless whining, The Barbarous Craft.

Okay, I get it already.

Home } The Barbarous Craft } Okay, I get it already.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. I get it.

Several years ago, one of our local primary care docs died in a kayaking accident. He was one of these sweet, gentle men whom you couldn’t help but like, and it turned out his patients adored him, too. I went to his memorial, and the outpouring of love from his family, coworkers, patients, and colleagues was impressive.

I remember thinking, more than a little selfishly, “If I died suddenly, I doubt I’d get one-hundredth this kind of response,” and, “You have to be a primary care doc to earn this much affection*.” I figured I would never know, short of a Mark Twain-esque visit to my own funeral. But at the time, I never thought I would leave this area. Which is kind of like visiting your own funeral, if you think about it.

So, yeah, I was wrong. And while the outpouring still hasn’t ranked with what Wayne got, I think my “one-hundredth” is a low-self-esteem underestimate. One-tenth, how’s that? Which is still WAY more than I was expecting.

Aside from the quilt (and that photo really doesn’t do it justice), I’ve gotten cards, hugs, countless guilt trips, a potluck today, more hugs, and a cool digital frame with a slide show just for me.

The steady onslaught surprises, overwhelms, stuns me. I clean ears. I take tonsils out. I don’t deliver babies, I don’t take the pain away from the beloved grandmother in her final days, I don’t counsel the teenager who is too afraid to talk to her parents about her drug problem or her sex life . . . do you see where I’m going with this? How does a booger doc warrant this sort of feeling?

It may be a question of personality. I talk to people. I don’t crank them through in two minutes. Our office works very hard to get people seen on time (it’s rare to wait more than five minutes in my waiting room, yesterday being the freakish exception), and we follow up on damn near everything. So maybe people respond to the idea of a doctor/office that cares, regardless of the fact it’s (usually) something non-life-threatening at stake.

Or perhaps the things I treat ARE a bigger deal than I give them credit. It’s all well to say that “life-saving” is more important than “life-improving,” but if you’re miserable with your sinuses or your reflux or your hearing loss and someone like me makes your life better . . . well, okay, I can see where that would earn brownie points.

Perhaps people regard quality of life as more important than quantity?

Thanks for bearing with this guy’s ego-show.

D

*And not just any primary care doc. Wayne was special.

, July 30, 2008. Category: The Barbarous Craft.

Quickie shout-out

Home } Blogwhoring } Quickie shout-out

Good thing I wrote that Q-tip post early yesterday. If I hadn’t, you would have had nothing but “Sorry, nothing tonight” to read. Yeah, it was that bad. I was in the ER from 6:30 to 11, and then, when I got home, I had to figure out how to turn a digital photo into a passport-sized photo. If I had been wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, I’m sure I could have done that in ten or fifteen minutes. After 15 hours of almost continuous work*, the best I could manage was a couple of grainy head shots of this grim dude:

Did you know you can’t smile for a passport photo? No, really! It’s a 9/11 thing. From wiseGEEK:

The reason smiling in passport photos has been strongly discouraged or banned has to do with international security measures. Many modernized airports now use advanced biometric scanning devices which contain facial recognition software. Ideally, a targeted passenger’s face can be scanned electronically and compared against a database of legally obtained passport photos. Distinctive biometric patterns, such as the distance between one’s eyes or the shape of one’s mouth, can rarely be sufficiently altered to prevent a match.

The passport photographs used for comparison should ideally be consistent and accurate, with no shadows or reflections to distort the facial measurements. Passport applicants must also sweep any hair away from their faces, place their eyeglasses on the tip of their nose, and face completely forward with a neutral expression. Smiling in passport photos can distort the subject’s eyes and change the relationship between biometric points.

Anyway, since I’m not feeling much like an entertainer tonight, I’m going to turn y’all on to a blog my son found. Thanks, Jake, for finding The Internet is an In-Joke. Check ’em out, enjoy, and wish me a good night’s sleep.

D.

And another shout-out!

Telltale Games (of Sam and Max fame) will be releasing a Wallace and Gromit game, Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Adventure. Watch the trailer!

*Work at the office and hospital, NOT fifteen hours of work on this photo.

, July 29, 2008. Category: Blogwhoring, Pix.
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