Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Wherein I act like a little bitch
All I want to do is schedule a visit to a home we might want to rent.
Minimum Wage Doofus: [Name Redacted] Property Management.
Me: Hi. I’m calling about the house on [Address Redacted]. We’ll be in town on the 8th, and we’d like to —
MWD: You’ll need to download our application and return it to us with the twenty dollar application fee. If your credit report checks out, one of our agents will show you the property.
Me: I see. I need to cough up twenty dollars and THEN you’ll show me the house?
MWD: The application is good for six months, during which time you can view as many properties as you like.
Me: I only want to see ONE property. The one on [Address Redacted].
MWD: Then print out the application from our website, mail it in with your check —
Me: You don’t understand. I live in the boonies. Mail travels half-speed around here. Why don’t I just give you my credit card —
MWD: We don’t accept credit cards, sir.
Me: Well, perhaps I could give you the money when we get in on Friday, and then someone can show us the house on Saturday.
MWD: I can’t guarantee you that anyone will be willing to show a house on Saturday, sir.
Me: Let me get this straight. You ARE a property management company, right?
MWD: Yes, sir.
Me: And you ARE in the business of renting properties, that being the nature of property management?
MWD: Well, yeah —
Me: And you WOULD like my business, I take it?
Must have been difficult for him to give an honor answer to that one, but . . .
MWD: Well, yeah —
Me: So how about you assure me that if I give you my application and fee on Friday, someone will hustle through that credit check and show us the property on Saturday.
MWD: I can’t guarantee you that anyone will be willing to show a house on Saturday, sir.
Whereupon I realized I was trapped in a closed space-time loop, and the best thing was to opt for the wormhole exit, even if it meant getting crushed to a neutronium pulp.
D.
One word: “California.”
Let your mind adjust to the Santa Rosa way of life.
As painful as it sometimes is, I have a strong tendency to walk away from companies like that. If people really don’t want my business, I’m reluctant to keep hammering at them.
Did you ask him for his name so you can run a background check and make sure you’re not dealing with a criminal enterprise before looking at any of their precious properties?
And, while you’re at it, is the $20 refundable if you discover their properties are not up to your quality standards?
It’s not being a bitch if they deserve it 🙂
now thats a hustle, why aint i think of that
You left off the key part – “Let me speak to your manager.”
As my wife says, be glad you’re not moving into a strata, that’s when the swirly thing will get you.