Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Meat Loaf
No, not another recipe. I’ve never made a successful meat loaf. In fact, I’ve given up on it entirely. Even the sound of the words meat loaf makes me think of a meat-brick slathered in ketchup and baked to leathery badness.
Naw. I’m feeling weird and tired this evening, wishing I could be one of those blokes who drinks espresso at night and still gets to sleep. Even George Bush’s scraping-bottom approval ratings and Rove’s impending date with fingerprint ink can’t energize me. And that’s why I’m taking the easy way out.
Hat tip to Pat Johanneson for shouting out (A) Terry Bisson’s short story “They’re Made Out Of Meat,” available online, and (B) linking to the video dramatization of that same story. Pat got the links from BoingBoing. You don’t really need a link to BoingBoing, do you?
Recognize anyone on that “They’re Made Out Of Meat” video? How about Tom Noonan, uber-tall character actor whom I most fondly remember as Frances Dolarhyde in Michael Mann’s 1986 movie, Manhunter? Screw Anthony Hopkins’s version of Hannibal Lecktor. Brian Cox is Lecktor, just as Noonan is Frances Dolarhyde. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, rent the damned movie and see for yourself.
There. Amazing. I wrote an evening post, feeling like crap.
D.
ETA: It was bound to happen. Spock has a MySpace blog. Make sure you check out “Video 2”.
OMG. I still can’t get past the second sentence. Amazing. I thought I was the only one.
Off to go have a little lie-down and try to recover from the shock now.
For you both, a faultless and easy meat loaf recipe:
Must have food processor or nimble chopping kung-fu fingers.
Ingredients:
one medium sweet onion
two cloves minced garlic (mortar and pestle anihillation)
one pound of minced steak (or low fat hamburger)
half a pound of sausage meat (or take a pack of sausages, slit the skins and mush ’em up. If you like a spicier meatloaf, use a spicy sausage. Herby meatloaf – herby sausage.)
two thin slices of white bread, toasted and left to cool.
3tbs of A1 (or your favourite brown sauce, or barbecue sauce or whatever.)
Break up the toast and put into the food processor until turned into crumbs, then set aside. Chop the onion and garlic up really small, I use the food processor because I hate chunks of onion in my meatloaf. Then, put all ingredients into a big bowl and get squishing and mashing until it’s all blended. It should feel sticky and moldable – like if you rolled it out into wee fat snake shape and held it up, it should hold that shape for a few seconds before bending. If it falls to bits right away, you need more bread crumbs. You could add an egg, but I don’t like egg in my meatloaf. Pop the whole lot into a loaf tin (or make meatballs, or patties!!) and cook in a medium oven until it goes brown and crispy on top. Cook longer on a lower heat, About an hour at 200C is plenty enough.
Do not fear the meat loaf. It’s economical and tastes better the next day. Now, I’m off to find out how to cook a veal steak.
Hope you feel better, and may I suggest a decaff Earl Grey with milk as a late night tipple. It perks me up pretty – give it a go.
Wait…200C is a bit high. I have a crappy oven so it suits me. If you have a better oven, try it at 150-175C instead.
I will not reconvert back to F…it’s lost to me now. *sad face*
Lyvvie’s recipe sounds like a tastier version of my meatloaf. Except I use ground turkey, and oatmeal instead of bread crumbs, and I mince up a small zucchini and add that, too.
Usually when I have a desire for meatloaf (it’s pretty rare), it’s easier just to go to the diner in Highlandtown. Excellent meatloaf (an oxymoron to some people), garlic mashed, vegetable of the day, plus salad and ricotta bread. Yum.
Thanks, Lyvvie. I see one potential prob with the recipe, and that’s the “get squishing and mashing” part. When I make meatballs, I mix with a fork, and I do it as little as possible. In the old days, when I mixed by hand and squished and squeezed, my meatballs were heavy/dense.
Now that I think of it, I’m curious what kind of meatloaf that meatball recipe would yield.
Hasn’t anyone checked out the Spock video?
Oh yes I watched the Spock videos, and now I’m forever altered. There’s another video I have to find, just for you.
Found it:
Leia and Vader: The Untold Story by Brunching Shuttlecocks.
I’ve never tried to make meatloaf. I realize that admission makes me ineligible for the Homemaker of the Year award, but it’s not like I was ever really in the running.
The Spock videos were cute, but nothing will ever top his hobbit song.
GREAT blog post for one so sick and late at night. Gotta try Lyvvie’s meatloaf recipe (sorry, Doug – like my meat loafed at times). And couldn’t agree more about Frances in “Manhunter” – aargh – he’s so underrated.
Have a good day.
What do you mean you don’t like the squishing and mashing bit? What kind of doctor are you? I thought for doctors it was all about the mashing and squishing, the mashier and squishier the better.
Obviously someone has issues about playing with their food…C’mon man – You must not fork your meat!
I clicked the links, Husband was sniggering behind me about the “meat”, as he’s a man who loves a bit of squish-n-mash. Spock blog is very interesting, but all his pals are weeyins and it’s a tadbit creeepy.
Sorry, I only squish and mash the warm meat, if you catch my drift. Meat should be handled tenderly. One shouldn’t beat one’s meat, and you can quote me on that.
oh my, I just watched the leia and vader tape.
1.he’s her DAD.
2.someone spent WAY TOO MUCH on action figures.
Kate, I know, I know. Frankly, I thought it was a bit dull (sorry, Pat, but there it is), even with the incest.
SxKitten, I linked to that Hobbit song a few months back . . . that, and Shatner’s “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” song.
Blue Gal senses a strange emotional response to video 2 as well.
I’ve tried variations on meatloaf so many times and all Mr. Blue Gal does is squirt ketchup on it. So it’s the receipe on the dry onion soup box (which is pretty okay with ketchup).
But when I really want to savor meatloaf, nothing wakes up the tastebuds like Swanson’s hungry man.
*sigh* Many, many people have tried to cure my meatloaf problem. No offense, Lyvvie, but I’ve given up.
For which my family is very grateful. They run screaming whenever they hear the words. Too many memories of soggy/crumbly meat stuff or hard, dry, dusty meat bricks. The last time I threatened to try again, the husband took the kids to Burger King. (granted, that’s what I was aiming for, but still.)
Oddly, I make fine meatballs, and even meatloaf-like stuffed Broetchen.
Yes, the Spock video was cute. But I have issues with meatloaf.
*scampers away to look up Broetchen*
Well, you can’t win ’em all. I just like the idea of Vader on a beach playing with a beach ball.
From meatloaf to Vader beach ball foo. I love you guys. Wonder if Vader likes meatloaf?