Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Pills for balls to grow
I can understand why a man would take a pill that would make him swing a wider or longer pipe. As long as you gals continue to write posts like this, guys like me will continue to wish we could add an inch here and there. And there. And over there. Make that two inches.
But why would a guy want his balls to grow?
I heard that, Maureen. (If anyone would know, you would.) No, I am not obsessed with my testicles, despite the name of the blog, despite the fact I work gonadal references into most of my fiction, and despite my daily self-exams which are essential for the early detection of testicular carcinoma. No, I do not want them to grow. What would be the point?
Perhaps it’s cultural. A certain guy of a certain nationality that a certain one of my readers knew very well was exceedingly proud of his large testicles. But I suspect he was in the minority. Trust me on this: in the high school gym showers, we weren’t comparing nut sacks.
So someone out there found my blog by searching Pills for balls to grow. Naturally, I had to go out there and do the same. On Google’s page one, one writer at Phat Phree World bemoaned the lack of ball-growing pills, but the rest of the entries addressed, you guessed it, penis augmentation. The best article comes from my alma mater’s paper, the Daily Californian (The Penis Mightier, by Mindy Friedman).
I learned a few things from Mindy’s article. For example, I’m not below average. Yippee! I first learned that by reading Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex Yatta Yatta, but it’s nice to have it reconfirmed every few months or so. Another thing — some penis enhancement techniques actually work:
Actually, it turns out that that cock contraptions and massaging methods are among the most successful ways to lengthen the love rod. When employed safely and diligently over a period of months and perhaps years, a massaging technique called jelqing will actually add a bit of length to the penis.
Yes, there really is something called jelqing. From altpenis.com,
Jelqing workouts are based around a daily jelq session of around 20-30 minutes. The exercises usually start with a penis warm-up. . . . After several months, penis size increases, both in girth or length should become apparent. After a year, gains of several inches in length are not uncommon.
I’ve skipped over the details, but I would like to urge my pill-for-balls-to-grow reader to head on over there. No reason why you can’t jelq your balls.
D.
PS: One word. Panties.
Whenever I check in to see what you’re writing about, I’m … amazed :-).
Actually, I have some knowledge in this area as I volunteered when at college for a summer at a vascectomy clinic.
Oh Crystal, don’t stop there! Spill, sister!
Doug, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it paralyzes your pee-nee. I LOVE YOU.
No threat to Karen, though. You’re still SOL.
Yeah, Crystal! Cough it up, spit it out!
Blue Gal, cue Teri Garr’s German accent from Young Frankenstein: the feeling is MOOCHUL!
And since it’s apropos to our discussion, here’s Miss Garr’s thoughts on jelqing.
link to the wav file doesn’t work, but I went back and got it anyway cause the memory of that movie is so great.
Re that photo of the Reichminister. They’ve gotta teach in celebrity school that people in public life must never make that gesture. Period.
How annoying — it worked last night. The quote was, “He would have an enormous shwanstucker!” but I guess you figured that out.
And now I can’t find another link to it! Drat.
Oh Doug – just when I worry you’ve become too political, you remember your dudes.
If it’s massage that will make my dick bigger…sucking should be EVEN more effective!
I’m ALL for it…where are ALL the girls who want to help me out?
Mr. Man-ners
Mr. Man-ners is the rude columnist of Bill’s Bitter Pills (www.billsbitterpills.blogspot.com).
I had no idea.
No one has ever whined about the size of his sac to me. Do you suppose it has anything to do with fashion statements? I mean do men with big cajones look more stuffed in their underwear if they’re growers not show-ers? Maybe there’s some correlation in their minds with size of nuts = number of swimmers they produce = studliness?
Naw, I’m done thinking about this. Bad enough that you got me cruising around that damn hair removal site for more than a couple of minutes. Brazilian wax job nightmares for days, I tell you. DAYS.
and are you going to watch Brownie on Colbert tonight? I’m trying to stay awake for it. Big night here in ol zzzzzzzzzzz
Sorry, Mr. Man-ners, the jelqing technique specifically forbids erections. The forceful milking action, combined with the venous congestion typical of an erection, would undoubtedly result in vascular damage. This is strictly a “soft” technique.
Kate, sorry about the labial tears. I’m watching Colbert as we speak (as I write?) See ya.
Please note people, jelqing has been noted to cause damage to your manhood if not done in the proper methods, this page Jelqing details the dangers of jelqing!