Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Let’s make plump the new black
I like my women zaftig, probably because I’ve never had a zaftig woman. You always want what you can’t have. (Well, there was Carmela, but she wouldn’t let me touch her. Death threats from her longshoreman dad, you’ll recall.) I wish Karen were heavier, not only for my own gratification, but also for her health. She needs some padding for dem bones.
I’m thinking about these things thanks to Demented Michelle, who yesterday wrote a post you all ought to read. Michelle responded to a post over at Morphing into Mama, wherein Mama discussed whether women have a responsibility to remain thin for their husbands. Michelle gave a well written and moving response which the other commenters sadly ignored . . . leading me to wonder, what is with these women?
From Michelle’s comment:
As someone with a medical issue that makes it incredibly hard to lose weight, I simply cannot relate to any of the discussion on this topic. The current debate presupposes we have a choice, when I never really did.
Now, after 10 years and multiple doctors, I am making some progress and losing weight and I’m disturbed.
Disturbed by the way that fat seems to have some twisted relationship with morality and it’s this facet of weight, I think ,that really wreaks havoc with people’s self-esteem. I am perceived now as being virtuous because I’ve lost weight. I am doing ‘so good’, looking ‘so great’ and am ‘statuesque, like a model’. I have morphed into Super Me, someone I never asked to be.
Emphasis mine. Do yourself a favor and read the rest.
D.
Doug, you’re the second man that I’ve talked to this week who says he likes zaftig women. Unfortunately, neither one of you is single or lives in the Keys. LOL
Right now, the best visual statement I’ve seen in years to support the stance that we Rubenesque ladies can still be sexy and beautiful is Mandisa on American Idol. In a few weeks, she’s got that horrid Simon Cowell to change from making nasty cracks about her weight to saying that she and her performances are sexy.
Kudos to Michelle–that’s nicely written and thought-provoking.
I can relate.
It’s not impossible to lose weight with CFS, but it’s very difficult, and every time I have a serious relapse, I gain 10 pounds. I weigh… well, I’m not going to say, but it’s significantly more than I did when I got married.
My husband, the last time I complained about my weight, said he hoped I wouldn’t try to lose too much, and rhapsodized about softness and curves. The really wonderful thing, though, is that whenever I’ve lost weight, he raves about that, too. Which takes a huge obligation off my shoulders–if I lose weight, it’s for me, to make myself healthier and feel better, not to keep from losing him.
There’s more than one reason we’ve been married so long.
Ugh. Simon Cowell. One of the main reasons I don’t watch American Idol — I can’t see the pleasure in basking in some dimwit’s meanness. I could never watch The Weakest Link for the same reason.
Darla, he sounds great.
If you look at that Morphing into Mama comment thread, below Michelle’s post you’ll find one woman’s story of the shit-heel she married. I really had to wonder why a woman would stay with someone so oppressive.
42DD, 30 something, and then something more. A bit more. And my cholesterol is 135 unmedicated, so don’t get all you need to be healthy on me. Fat bottomed girls make the rockin world go round. (But I really love hubby, and really like Karen, so you, Douglas, are SOL.) HA!
I was afraid some of you would think I was trolling for a new wife 😉 Not true, I tell you! But it’s always fun to look.
I went back and read the two blog entries on “Mama”‘s site. I agree with Michelle 100%. I have noticed the same attutide against fat people since I became one. I only wish Mama had kept her blog open for comments. I guess it says a lot about her that she would open this can of worms and then refuse to hear those she has offended.
I could write about this all night, I could come at it from 100 different directions, and give 1000 different reasons why this lady, who seems to consider herself a compassionate person, just does not get it. Instead I will just tell a little story.
I was a curvy, traffic stopping size 10 when I got married. At 5’10” I weighed 150 lbs. and most men seemed to approve. Hubby really loved it when other men wanted what he had. Fast forward 6 years past a miscarriage, a bout with clinical depression, two back-to-back full term pregnancies, each followed by a bout with post-partum depression, my father’s diagnosis of terminal cancer, more depression all of this within the context of a marriage to a man who judged my performance as a wife by how full the dirty clothes hamper was, how much time I spent cooking his supper, and the width of my ass.
During this time I gained over 50 lbs. When Hubby complained it just made me more depressed. When it became clear that the future of our marriage depended upon my losing weight I became resentful.
The problem was not that I could not loose the weight. Crazy as it sounds, the problem was that I did not want to loose it. At least not under those circumstances. I did not want to punish him. I wanted him to love me the way I was. All I could think was that if I lost the weight and he became the husband I wanted him to be, how would I ever trust his love again. How would I ever find any comfort in his love knowing that it was dependent on my appearance. I could not decide what to do. Ultimately I took too long to decide and he left me. It was the best thing he could have done for me, although my welfare was clearly not his concern at the time.
My life is so much better now. I am lonely sometimes, I knew I would be. What I did not know is that being alone is no more lonely than being married to someone who makes you feel like crap. My children miss having their father around all the time, but I am a better Mom now and he is a better Dad when he does not have to do it every day.
My point is, that if the little set-up that “Mama” has with her husband works for them then I am happy for them. Hopefully she will keep him happy so he will stay out of the dating pool and I will never have to deal with him. As far as I am concerned any person who could feel less for their spouse because they gained weight or got a bad haircut is not worth the trouble of trying to please. No if’s and’s or but’s. Just not worth it.
Sorry for the epic rant. I really wish I could have posted it to her blog.
I knew I liked you for a reason, Doug! lol
My husband could never understand how men could prefer skinny girls. He says they’re supposed to be soft with lots of curvy places to grab, and he likes a girl with some meat because, as a big guy, he was always afraid of breaking a skinny girl. I’m certainly not breakable. lol
It’s a shame that so many people put so much emphasis on appearance and meeting someone else’s criteria. Or else.
KariBelle, thanks for sharing (gawd that sounds trite — but really, thanks). Your logic doesn’t seem crazy at all, and it sounds like you did the right thing by not giving in to his bitching.
Tam, you’re a lucky gal, but I suspect you know that already.