Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Branding
Munching on Pepperidge Farm cookies this evening whilst drinking an ultra dry martini made from Hendrick’s gin*, it occurred to me it would be fun to write a post on branding. Specifically, which brands do we as a family deeply care about?
Karen kicks things off with Viva paper towels. Good Housekeeping rated Viva the best overall paper towel, since it “feels most like cloth. It soaks up large spills with a single sheet and holds up the longest when scrubbing a counter. Viva can be rinsed and reused.” Consumer Reports gave Viva high marks, too.
Jake’s vote is for Whole Fruit Strawberry Fruit Bars, a popsicle that truly tastes like strawberries. Jake lives on these popsicles and Bagel Bites Cheese and Pepperoni Mini-Pizzas. Why? Because I am a Bad Father Who Cannot Manage to Feed his Son a Balanced Diet.
Here’s a product you must try, if you like gummies:
Kasugai Peach Gummies, because they taste so peachy. Here in the Balls and Walnuts household, we like our food to taste like the real thing. Thus, Karen likes Altoids Tangerine Sours because they taste so tangerini, and we also like Kasugai Kiwi Gummies because they taste so kiwii.
My one exception to this rule is maraschino cherries. They don’t taste like cherries, but I love ’em anyway, because they are an essential element in my plan to live forever through chemical preservatives.
Know what else I like about those peach gummies? The bag appeals to the BDSM fan in me. Just looking at it makes me think of paddles and women dressed like school girls. Sigh. (When I trot this sort of rhetoric out on Karen, she usually tries to turn the tables on me so that I would be the recipient of said paddling. To which I can only say: I am one devious son of a bitch.)
I’m going to cast my vote for Brandy Peak Distillery’s grappa. Brandy Peak is a local company that makes grappa so smooth you have to try it to believe it, and their pear brandy and blackberry liqueur are fine products, too. If you ever travel out this way, let me know, and we’ll all visit the tasting room together.
Can’t believe I wasted money on that expensive grappa with the gold flakes in it, although it is mighty cool to drink gold.
Last but not least, Astroglide personal lubricant, a must-have item for all your personal lubrication needs. A gay Bay Area psychiatrist recommended Astroglide to me in 1990. I correctly realized that if anyone knew lubricants, he would, and I wasn’t disappointed. This stuff feels good and tastes good, and it doesn’t sting.
Biggest disappointment: Kama Sutra flavored love oils. Talk about barfy. And sticky. And they stain. Feh. As if sex doesn’t cause enough stains.
***
My apologies to those of you whom I have neglected. I like to visit y’all at least twice a week, and I’ve been too hammered (by work, not grappa or Hendrick’s gin) to venture out much in the last week. Tomorrow, with any luck, I should have time to get out and about.
D.
*What can I say? I get the munchies when I drink.
The only thing that comes to mind is Nutella – any other chocolate spread just isn’t the same. Oh, and thanks for the heads up for the Peach gummies!
Sam, yes, yes! Although, like booze and gummies, it’s something I shouldn’t be consuming.
Off topic, I just looked at some of your Ellora’s Cave covers. Do you suppose they would get pissed at me if I cropped that wonderful frog-on-the-butt photo and put it on my header? When I saw it, all I could think was, Why didn’t I ever think of that?
Hmm. Wonder if I could get the wife to pose . . .
Doug… an unrelated question – you know on Shatter you have that word verfication thing before posting, well, is that something unique to the blog or is that generally available?
The Whispers forum at which I’m a mod has a spambot problem – 200 spam posts last night alone – and we’re looking at ways of shoring things up (we currently have it members only may post but we don’t really want to keep it that way).
Thanks for any info…
keith
Mmmmm…. Nutella.
Lindt chocolate.
Haribo gummies.
Landliebe yogurt.
Prinzenrolle cookies.
Other brands just aren’t the same.
Why is it you’re always talking food when I visit, Doug? Off to go have some Nutella on zwieback. I’m blaming you for the next pound I don’t lose.
Brown Cow yogurt. Yummy, organic and so much better than Yoplait.
Keith: the word verification is an option at blogger. I’ve seen it elsewhere, but I’m not savvy enough to know how you would install something like that on your site. You might ask Pat (Johanneson, that is).
WordPress, my current blog software, has a feature where the moderator (me) gives the thumbs up/thumbs down to each new poster. Once someone is approved, his comments show up automatically. This way, I can blacklist all spammers so their messages never show up.
Darla: yes, Lindt chocolate! and I’m fond of Toblerone, too, cuz of the crunchy bits. I’m blogging a lot about food lately because people enjoy it and it’s EASY. If I’m feeling wasted at the end of the day, it’s the simplest solution to the problem of what to write.
Pat, I’ll have to keep an eye out for Brown Cow.
M&Ms, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups — no substitutes will ever do.
Other than that, I’m not a huge brandist in terms of “must have”. Oh, wait. I lie. I’m a product diva for face care. Must have Philosophy’s Real Purity face cleanser and L’Occitane Imortelle moisturizer. Expensive darn stuff, so it’s a good thing I’m not addicted to more in their product line. I don’t actually know if this is why I have far less wrinkles than I should at 48, particularly compared to friends my age. I think that lucky skin condition has more to do with quitting smoking 20 years ago.
Hubbie swears by Bombay Gin.
Bad father? My son has Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner on a regular basis. He’s HFA with sensory eating issues, but still.
Hmm. Brands. I usually buy the cheaper store brands, but it’s always Kraft for Mac and Cheese. I love that Jane and Michael Stern give a recommended serving size of a box per person.
I have plenty of brands that I won’t abandon, but the first that comes to mind is Philadelphia. There’s just no point in any other cream cheese existing, even.
Gin has to be Bombay Sapphire;
Chocolate either Green & Black or Valrhona at a pinch (in the US Scharffen Berger is OK);
Lucchese is the only western boot I wear (which means that both pairs are worn through and I can’t find anyone to repair them (nor even any UK stockists);
I’m with Beth on Philadelphia cream cheese, but on proper cheese I am vehemently anti-brand (I don’t count artisanal producers as brands and supermarket own-brands are much better than the bland stuff that comes packaged and depersonalised by Crackerbarrel or Cathedral City);
Oh, and Arm & Hammer toothpaste.
Nugger – somewhere I must have left out a , and it’s all gone horribly wrong.
Aagh. Doug – chop these last two and I’ll do it again.
>>The only thing that comes to mind is Nutella
Nutella had a photo of its paid spokesman, Kobe Bryant, on every jar of the stuff just as he was accused of rape. That couldn’t have been good for business! Every time I passed by it in the supermarket, I’d groan.
Brands I love: Ben & Jerry’s, Smuckers (with a name like Smuckers…), Butterworks Dairy (organic cream, perfect for making ice cream)
Hi Keith,
Saw your question re: word verification. Look up “captcha”* on Google; that might give you a hand (or it might hopelessly confuse you). On Blogger it’s an option, like Doug says; other packages may have plug-ins or hacks to do something equivalent.
Like Doug, I’ve switched to WordPress, and it has a fairly robust comment approval system — you can set it so that you have to approve ALL comments, if you want, or you can set it so that anyone that’s had one comment approved is added to a whitelist, etc.
* Stands for “Completely Automated Public Turing Test to Tell Computers and Humans Apart”, apparently.
Doug:
The bag appeals to the BDSM fan in me. Just looking at it makes me think of paddles and women dressed like school girls.
Is this related to your “James and the Giant Peach gives me a woody” post?
Maier’s potato bread
Goya’s Maria cookies
Vosges (sp?) chocolate (wasabi/sesame & curry/coconut, especially)
There are more specific brands that I stick to unconsciously, I’m sure, but those are the ones I can think of.
My God. Wasabi/sesame chocolate? The mind boggles.
Pat, thanks for plugging my James and the Giant Peach post. I was trying to think of a tie-in, but I was so tired last night I couldn’t even come up with the obvious (“and you all know I have a thing about peaches” — something like that).
Okay, all you newbies, check out my James and the Giant Peach post, even though Pat gave away the punchline (grumble grumble).
Stephen, I hope I edited it as you would like it. Looks like I’m going to have to try Bombay Sapphire.
This Hendrick’s stuff is interesting, by the way. They’ve downplayed the juniper flavor, and played up cucumber, of all things. I never much liked the juniper flavor.
I suppose I should’ve just said “your previous peach post”. Sorry.
Also, while I’m here: How come I can’t find your RSS feed?
I don’t know. What’s an RSS feed? Kind of like a Kiwanis Pancake Breakfast?
Okay, I’m being facetious . . . but I really don’t know if this was something I had to actively set up, or if it happens automatically.
I’m not really big on brands, I kinda take what I can get. I’m sure if I lived in a more urban centre I would be a huge brand loyalist, but probably for cottage industry brands (they’re always superior to massively produced products).
I remember, in the dim recesses of my mind, when I did live in a city, I’d drive into the country to a small dairy for yoghurt and dairy products, it was a pain, but my tastebuds approved. Happily there was a speciality food store in a mall that sold many cottage industry products such as pickled vegetables (canned?), salad dressings, mustards, jams etc. I still crave those pickled onions. sigh.
X
Hi X. We have a local farmer’s market-type guy who sells lots of neat pickles — green tomatoes, pickled string beans, miniature stuffed eggplants (a Persian pickle), garlic. I’m in heaven there. I’ve never been very good at pickling my own produce.
Thanks, Pat and Doug… I’ll look up captcha as you suggest…
keith
I found your RSS feed:
http://ballsandwalnuts.com/?feed=rss
Just so’s you know.
I’m an international junk food brand addict, so I spend my pennies on things like Vinta and Breton (Canadian crackers, far superior to anything we Americans make); Le Petite Ecolier dark chocolate or extra-dark chocolate biscuits (French; like thin shortbread cookies with a square medallion of high quality chocolate attached) and any variety of Kavli (Scandanavian flatbreads, great with a little cream cheese.) I love almost every herbal tea made by Celestial Seasonings, particularly Sleepytime. I drink gallons of Fruit 2 O flavored spring water — the lemon and strawberry are really good.
I bake goodies every week from scratch to be a good Mom (made brownies last night) but for some reason my kids can’t live without Oreos.
Doug
Thanks for tidying it up – that’s perfick.
Bombay Sapphire is best served as a dry martini – keep the gin in the freezer, do an in-swirl-and-out with the vermouth in the glass, pour in the gin and twist a bit of lemon zest over the top. NO ICE – it enervates the gin. Drink quickly before it gets too warm, and then you’ll have time for a second.
Thanks, Stephen. Tonight, I swear (only I’m going to use my Hendrick’s. Hope you don’t mind).
PBW, I have a tea recommendation for you: Tazo, which I think beats Celestial Seasonings. I’ll send you some details.
[…] I’ve been thinking about writing this post ever since my bit on branding. In that post, I forgot to mention one of my favorite brand name products, Annie Chun’s Classic Pad Thai. In this little box, you’ll find one packet of rice noodles and one packet of sauce. You’ll need to supply the cooking oil, tofu, meat-of-choice, eggs, bean sprouts, green onions, lime wedges, peanuts, and cilantro. Why bother buying it, then? Because Annie gets the sauce just right — not only the flavor, but also the volume. […]