Teach your children well

Sunday evening Skype:

[5:04:35 PM] Jacob Hoffman: btw do you wash sheets like clothes or what

[5:04:35 PM] Douglas Hoffman: hot wash

[5:04:49 PM] Douglas Hoffman: they don’t shrink, so why not use the hottest setting

[5:05:21 PM] Douglas Hoffman: first time washing your sheets, eh?

[5:05:30 PM | Edited 5:05:40 PM] Jacob Hoffman: yes lol

[5:05:36 PM] Douglas Hoffman: lol

[5:05:43 PM] Douglas Hoffman: try for once a quarter 🙂

[5:09:40 PM] Jacob Hoffman: how many “tide pods” should i use

[5:09:53 PM] Jacob Hoffman: i guess they’re detergent in pod form.

[5:10:52 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Do you have a box with instructions? My suspicion is you only need one pod even for a large load. Honestly, all you’re really doing is ridding your sheets of the oils and skin that you shed. There’s very little actual “dirt”. So even a hot wash without soap would probably get most or all of the job done. I’d do one pod.

[5:11:21 PM] Jacob Hoffman: oh, okay, it says to use 1 pac for most loads

[5:11:43 PM] Jacob Hoffman: although i only have two left and i also need to do my normal laundry, which i have to separate into white/colors

[5:12:47 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Don’t wash your sheets with your white clothes. They might bleed. If you have three loads and only two pods, I would tend to skimp on the sheet load rather than the clothing. Shirts in particular pick up body odors and need to be washed with soap. Underwear too.

[5:13:01 PM] Jacob Hoffman: ok

[5:13:14 PM] Jacob Hoffman: i’ll have to remember to buy more

[5:13:38 PM] Douglas Hoffman: i wonder if they sell it at the student union?

[5:13:55 PM] Jacob Hoffman: yes, they do, i just don’t want to walk all the way down there right now

[5:15:14 PM] Douglas Hoffman: your sheets will be fine. Hot wash, no soap.

[5:16:34 PM] Jacob Hoffman: do i clean the thingie that goes over the mattress

[5:16:48 PM] Douglas Hoffman: The fitted sheet, or the mattress pad?

[5:17:17 PM] Douglas Hoffman: The fitted sheet — yes. The mattress pad — don’t bother. Or at least, look for a tag to see if it’s even washable.

[5:17:47 PM] Jacob Hoffman: there’s two fitted sheets? the one that goes over the mattress pad and the ones that goes over that

[5:18:48 PM] Douglas Hoffman: “Fitted sheet” refers to the elastic at the corners. Closest to the mattress is the mattress pad. On top of that goes the fitted sheet, the one that can be a pain in the ass to fit to the mattress. Topmost is the “top sheet” which is a simple rectangle, no elastic at the corners.

[5:19:06 PM] Douglas Hoffman: BTW, I believe you have another sheet set in your huge dresser.

[5:20:01 PM] Jacob Hoffman: well there’s the thing that goes on the mattress pad and there’s the fitted sheet

[5:20:33 PM] Douglas Hoffman: not sure what you’re asking, then.

[5:21:00 PM] Jacob Hoffman: eh whatever

[5:21:33 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Aren’t there three separate items aside from the mattress

[5:21:57 PM] Douglas Hoffman: maybe you don’t have a mattress pad, just the fitted sheet and the top sheet?

[5:22:30 PM] Jacob Hoffman: i do have a mattress pad

[5:23:10 PM] Jacob Hoffman: i have the mattress pad, the thing that goes over the mattress pad, the fitted sheet, a regular sheet, and the big comforter thing

[5:23:45 PM] Douglas Hoffman: I recommend you only launder the regular sheet and the fitted sheet, and don’t worry about anything else.

[5:23:57 PM] Jacob Hoffman: not even the comforter?

[5:24:24 PM] Douglas Hoffman: why bother? It’s not like you have cats there. And besides, it’ll take bloody forever for the comforter to dry. Trust me on that.
[5:24:32 PM] Jacob Hoffman: well, okay

[5:25:01 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Unless you eat on your bed and you’re always getting crumbs and stains or whatever. Otherwise, it’s going to be more trouble than it’s worth

[5:25:04 PM] Jacob Hoffman: what about pillows, should i wash pillows

[5:25:15 PM] Jacob Hoffman: no i don’t have crumbs on my bed

[5:25:17 PM] Douglas Hoffman: PILLOW CASES. Not the pillows no no nooooooooooo

[5:25:27 PM] Jacob Hoffman: they have instructions…

[5:25:33 PM] Douglas Hoffman: The pillows do?

[5:25:46 PM] Douglas Hoffman: You’ll get lumpy assed pillows if you wash them. Nooooooooo

[5:26:10 PM] Douglas Hoffman: http://nooooooooooooooo.com/

[5:26:35 PM] Jacob Hoffman: “pre-wet the pillow by submerging in water and pressing all air out of the cover”
“place pillow in water set on gentle cycle and warm temperature”
“use 1/4 cup mild liquid detergent”

[5:26:47 PM] Douglas Hoffman: http://nooooooooooooooo.com/

[5:26:58 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Just the pillow cases. Really.

[5:27:01 PM] Jacob Hoffman: ok

[5:32:40 PM] Jacob Hoffman: hmm, my options are “whites” “colors” “bright colors” “woolens” “permanent press” and “knits and delicates”

[5:33:38 PM] Douglas Hoffman: You want me to blog this, don’t you? You’re just begging me to blog this. Blog whore.

[5:34:00 PM] Jacob Hoffman: how am i begging you to blog this

[5:34:07 PM] Douglas Hoffman: Because it’s just too funny

[5:34:08 PM] Jacob Hoffman: also what should i pick

[5:34:37 PM] Douglas Hoffman: I always wash sheets as “whites” (that’s the hot setting).

[5:34:55 PM] Douglas Hoffman: If you really care about the color of the sheets (and I don’t know why you should), you could wash them as colors

[5:35:29 PM] Jacob Hoffman: feel free to revive your blog from the grave

[5:35:38 PM] Douglas Hoffman: It’s okay with you?

[5:35:49 PM] Jacob Hoffman: it’s just laundry shenanigans…

And thus,

D.