Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Guess who’s coming to dinner!
Dear Mom and Dad1,
I didn’t know quite how to break this to you, so I’m sending this picture instead. I’ve met someone new. You’d like her; she’s ambitious (a nurse, as you can plainly see), and she wants a huge family, at least twelve kids. This shouldn’t be as difficult as it sounds, though, since she already has eight!
I can’t tell you how excited I am by all this. I’ve always wanted tall children, and my gal will surely provide. You see, she has crouched down about six inches so that we could take this photo cheek-to-cheek. Isn’t that awfully sweet of her?
Jacob is thrilled as can be at the thought of so many new brothers and sisters to play with. Karen is taking it as well as can be expected. It’s not as bad for her as you think, since we will all be moving to Utah and converting to Mormonism to take advantage of the bigamy thing.
We’re counting on your blessing!
Love2,
Doug
1. I don’t want you to get the impression that my parents are racist. They’re not. They are, however, 80 years old (my dad) and approaching 80 (my mom) and their ability to roll with the punches ain’t what it used to be.
2. As for the cruelty factor here, (1) they don’t read my blog, and (2) let’s just say I dish it to ’em every chance I get.
Doug, just because your parents are old, they shouldn’t be too old to understand love.
Very funny stuff. I enjoyed this one a lot for obvious reasons. I dish it to the folks when I can too.
Eight kids…really?
Hey, Sis. Yeah, I thought you would get a kick out of this.
That nurse has no kids at all. I’m just funnin’.
You could always adopt.
If you want many kids, you best take one of those girls in funny clothes whom her mother sorta auctioned out on her website.
Btw, did you know Saborra has succombed to the Blog Temptation?
[…] 13. Racial insensitivity. White racists will hate me for hugging a black woman. Black men will hate me for hugging a black woman. Black women will hate me for making a joke out of hugging a black women. […]