Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
The adult conspiracy
We’re in the gym, Jake and I, working out on the torso rotation machine. Two guys in their early 20s are working out next to us, taking turns on the preacher curl. Simultaneously, the three adults in this group of four notice a woman walking down the stairs.
Like this. Only walking. Down stairs.
One of the guys, call him Bearded Guy, says something relatively non-objectifying like “Well she’s in shape” (pretty innocent considering what guys will often say under such circumstances), and then they both noticed me watching, too. The second guy, call him Not Bearded Guy, says to me, “Yeah, you’re included in this conversation,” and we all laughed. Mind you, there were a dozen things being said without being said, without needing to be said, because when it comes to a good-looking woman, guys are psychic.
Right now, every man looking at this image is thinking the same thing.
“It never stops,” I tell them. “You could be 80.”
“Probably gets worse,” said Bearded Guy.
“Yup,” I said.
Bearded Guy: “Especially after marriage.”
Not Bearded Guy: “Oh, shut up.”
“You’re engaged?” I said.
“He’s married,” said Bearded Guy, and we all laughed.
Meanwhile, Jake was puzzled. “Why is that funny?” he asked.
“Remember the adult conspiracy in the Piers Anthony Xanth novels?” Always nice when I can make a literary reference to explain complex concepts. “We’re talking about the sex drive,” I added.
“Which is always in drive,” said Bearded Guy. “Never Park. Never Neutral.”
A little later, I watched Bearded Guy strike up a conversation with her. They were clear across the gym so I couldn’t tell what was said, but he wasn’t being rebuffed. I could tell that much.
“Amazing,” I said. “He’s picking up on her.”
“What?” said Jake.
“He’s making time.”
“Huh?”
“You know, they’re having a conversation.”
Jake shook his head a little, and I wouldn’t be at all shocked if he had rolled his eyes, too.
“It’s not often I feel naive,” he said.
D.
Ain’t it the truth. The world is a beautiful place.
I want/wanted to write more about this, but I am just so damn tired and short of time these days…
I understand completely. It’s all I can do to post nowadays.
That she should probably see a dentist about that missing tooth?
Dan, I doubt it’s a missing tooth. And I had something in mind more like, “Miss, do you need any help licking the sweat off?”