Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
What I wish I could say
I worry about my son. A lot. Such is the prerogative of the parent. I worry that his world is so small: a room with a computer (albeit a computer that is a window to the world), the inside of a car, a school. We don’t travel much anymore. We never did travel much, but we travel even less than we used to. I don’t get to expose Jake to so many things I was exposed to: places, people. Different kinds of entertainment. I worry that with such a small world, he won’t dream big. And I wonder if that’s such a bad thing. We cone down our dreams as we get older, not without a measure of frustration and sadness. Perhaps he’ll be spared the angst. But is it right for him to have such a restricted view as a 14-year-old?
He’s brilliant, my son, but sometimes I worry that he lacks passion. He just never seems to get excited about much. And then I wonder, is that such a bad thing? Great passions make for great sorrows. If he were an unhappy teenager, perhaps my anxieties about his equanimity would be more justifiable. It could be taken as a sign of depression, for example. But he’s not unhappy. His mother and I often wonder how two such as us could have such a happy kid.
You’re probably thinking, Sounds like he’s doing just fine. Or if you’re having problems with your own teenagers, perhaps you’re getting pissed off at me for wringing my hands over such petty issues. We’re not searching his clothing for drugs. We’re not bailing him out of jail. We’re not paying huge bills for psychological counseling. He’s a good kid.
I’m perplexed, is what it is. Confused and not a little dismayed that someone so close to us, so similar to us in so many ways, can at the same time be so unfamiliar.
And I guess I share with so many parents the fruitless desire of wanting to know the future.
D.
par·ent·ing (pârn-tng, pr-)n. The rearing of a child or children, especially the care, love, and guidance given by a parent.
Sounds easy enough. Jake is lucky.
I worry about all the 14 year olds that no one is worrying about.
FWIW, I was a happy but not passionate teenager, and I’m reasonably confident that my parents think I turned out OK. I have the opposite problem – a teenager who is passionate about everything.
You’re giving him a great foundation from which he can explore the world. I did a Europe trip with my mom and grandmother when I was 13, a trip to Hawaii with my grandparents when I was in 4th grade, and a driving vacation with my mom and siblings to Seattle and back. Went to college an hour’s drive from my parents’ house. So when I moved to the Midwest for grad school it was a huge adventure. When I lived in various overseas locales more adventure (mustard in metal tubes in the grocery store!). I think if I’d done a lot of that as a kid, it would all be old news by the time I would have been grown up. My kids can talk about Moscow, St. Petersburg, Tunis, Freiburg, London, etc., but have only seen their grandparents a few times and have had various friendships end through moves (ours or the friend’s).
He’s only 14! Why rush things? He’ll have lots of time to travel, get passionate, etc.
Jake is cool. You’re cool. Karen’s cool. Bako is hot, but that’s cool too.
I think it’s funny your son’s adolescent rebellion is to torment you with good behavior and happy composure.
I’ve been doing this all wrong! I must now sink into deep depression and do drugs and be all like “dooooood, that’s a lava lamp.”
I am now off to brood, sulk, and write awful poems. 😛
Oops, I mean D:
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In all seriousness you worry too much.
I think that one of the most difficult things we have to accept as parents is the realization that we don’t matter to our kids as much as we did. No matter who or what we are, our children make their own way in the world. The best we can do is give them the tools while they’re young: when they reach the teenage years, our job is mostly done. Yes, we’re there for support, and no matter how much they would like to thing otherwise, we still have things to teach them, but the bulk of the formative work has been put in.
He will make his own way no matter what you do. Passion is his to find. It is not a burden you can assume.
Dean – right on! My mother used to repeat to me what her mother repeated to her, “If you love your children, let them go.” Sometimes your child moves in a direction you might not understand, but as long as you support their decision, your bond becomes stronger, not weaker. My youngest son now lives in St. Petersburg, Russia, and we are closesr than we have ever been. We talked for over an hour yesterday. I think he still enjoys hearing me reassure him. Mother always said, “Do the best you can, that’s all you can do.” My parents are long gone, but everyday I think of them and remember what they taught me.
Thank you all.
Awwwwwwwww Jake, you DO still read my blog!