Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Work
Seems all I’m doing is working, eating, and sleeping lately. And playing Oblivion. My character in Oblivion, she’s pretty buff right about now. She has a bow that does shock damage and harvests its victims souls, and a staff to paralyze with, and a soul-drinking sword. (Anyone remember Elric’s soul-drinking sword Stormbringer? An absolute pussy compared to my sword.)
I picture myself at the end of life old and confused, blurring World of Warcraft vistas with my travels through the Northwest, Oblivion dungeon-crawls with midnight journeys through the subterranean roads connecting LA County Hospital with Women’s Hospital and the Pediatric Pavilion, Bioshock bloodbaths with ER runs for nosebleeders, XHamster videos with my own relatively paltry exploits. “You were there,” I’ll say to my doctor, thinking him to be my son. “Remember when that patient’s ears were impacted with bile demons? Now, that was a mess. Oh, do be a sport and pick me up some sungrass at the grocery store. I need to make a few Elixirs of Greater Agility. These old bones . . .”
No wonder my son is a computer gaming & internet addict: real life is so much more dull.
I need to take a page from these monkeys and go soak my head.
D.
Once again you have the ends of the alimentary canal reversed: those monkeys aren’t soaking their heads.
Makes me worry about what you’ll do to me if I come to you with strep throat…
Yes, it occurred to me that as pleasant as it looks to go hot tubbing with those macaques, or whatever they are, I doubt they’re very careful about doing their business OUTSIDE of the hot spring.
“Hey, Jeff, how’s the water?”
“Kinda soupy, Biff!”